h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Donald Duck why are driving my big yellow dumper truck?
Jiminy Cricket why are you hiding behind the thicket?
Professor Chuck Xavier why are you all covered in muck?
Daffy Duck why are you standing by the picket waving your ticket?

Donald is driving me Daffy.
My mind's like a big glob of taffy.
I now sound like Goofy,
Write verse like a Sufi,
And swig many gallons of cafe.

Shout, sing, yell and scream when dancing to the beat of my drum.
Skip, jump, dance, and hop to the the sound of the bugle's horn.
Wail like a banshee when presented with a covered plum.
Run around in circles whilst declaring loudly that you have been reborn.

The city is the meeting place for all the hip and groovy folk.
The city is where all the trendy people hang out together.
The city is where they all love to laugh and joke.
The city is where everyone loves to blether about the weather.

The city is the place for learning about lateral thinking.
The city is the place for developing internal dialogue.
The city is the place for community groups interlinking.
The city is the place for ideas on writing an internet blog.

I love the deep, rich taste
Of dark chocolate, the merry
Scent of hyacinth, the spaced
Union of chocolate and cherry.

Chocolate lifts the spirits and brings joy to the weary.
Chocolate brightens souls effected by the Azkaban dementors.
Chocolate lightens the hearts of the depressed and the teary.
Chocolate even brings joy and laughter to unicorns and centaurs.
Chocolate inspires spell weavers to produce a glorious patronus.
Chocolate strengthens the noblesse and puts fear into those who oppress.

cinema: reminds us sometimes we are all stars
cinema: makes a scruffy street corner look cool
cinema: colours lifes' little dramas
cinema: takes us to heaven
cinema: drags us to hell
cinema: never forgets to bring us safely home
cinema: say:- "There's no place like home! There's no place like home!"
cinema: crosses all obsticles to world peace
cinema: looks at the world through an impossibly narrow lens
cinema: dares you to widen the picture

Ridcully
Sat in a gully,
Said "I'll not sully
My reputation
With a vocation
That seeks marination.
I'd be a pickle.
I bet you a nickel
That Fate is fickle!

I got lost in the smog with my dear friend Sammy the labrador dog.
I got lost in the maze when I was going through a very funny phase.
I got lost in the labyrinth looking for my lost wooden dancing clog.
I got lost in a snow storm after taking part in the Heikki Lunta dance craze.

2768 wow!
I'll have to up my game!!

Tis you
With a 'tish-oo'!
Holding a tissue
I likes to kiss you
But not with 'a tishh-oow'!

I don't know why people stare at the bear who's become the Lord Mayor.
I don't know why people think eating chips will make them look hip
I don't know why people dance around the pond in the village square.
I don't know why some people turn up their nose up at bovril crisps.

The mayor is a bear.
Few of us care,
Or bother to stare.

He tried some magic.
Results were tragic.
Was it all messagic?

The mage was a quack.
His name once was Jack.
Could he be turned back?

He'll stay as a bear.
Few of us care,
Avoiding his lair.

Is paulh a robot?
He never makes a slip.
A typo free spirit.
When he tells 'it',
'It' really is 'it'.
After yet another edit.
I should really try to 'preview'!
It's likely i am mistaken,
So, lets keep this between me and you.

I don't know why I sigh whenever I'm presented with chicken pie.
I don't know why I feel like wearing a clown's joke bow tie.
I don't know why Heikki Lunta won't bring us any more snow.
I don't know why it only snows on the mountains and not on the plateau.

I took a long walk in the Aberdeenshire Country park in the dark.
and in the nearby loch there was a very friendly basking shark
called Mark who made a funny remark about a human who loved to bark
whenever he went by the nature reserve's wildlife animal ark.

A typo free spirt I?
My typos are the worst,
[Gives a big sigh]
My posts in them immersed.

jhgdkufdeshgfdl;

I walk the line down by the river Tyne.
I drink green tea to help me keep in sync.
I love eating eat pork pies filled with brine.
I pet my pet mink when at the kitchen sink.

Two sigh, one barks and one belches!
All look on and shake hair.
Everyone runs away for tea!
Me: i'm having a cash-flow problems.
For lunch tomorrow: Tipperarry sandwiches.
Next week i'm dating a Vegan!

I think i just wrote a prize-winner.
I can see myself on TV
I think this line would benifit,
From being set in stone.
Future tourists will admire,
My sentiment's grand tone!
I think i should get an agent!
A no need for an editor!
Right now i could never errr!


(Written after the blinding revelation, that i had just written the silliest nonsense verse i have ever read or am likely to ever read again; a masterpiece!)