h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Heads or tails, the Fates decree
You'll be you, and I'll be me,
Male or female, short or tall.
Make the best of it: your call!

Can you hear the tree sway as as it starts to pray?
Can you hear the dog bark in the park at a lark?
Did you see Renee chase his laughing toupee?
Did you see the shark disembark from the wildlife ark?

I remember long ago where everyone went with the flow.
I would relax with a pipe and a good book by an open log fire.
It's a been such a long time since I have seen a good fall of snow
not since the country squire was seen climbing the church spire.

I recall it was a long time ago,
Before they had invented snow:
Adam has not yet met Eve,
Or so he would have you believe.

Lions and lambs play whist
In morning's murky mist.
Possums make do without pouches.
Sasquatch is there, but he slouches.

A monkey hangs seashells on
A fir tree's branches at dawn.
Everyone laughs, but you see,
This was the first Christmas tree.

What news, muse?

the fates decree nonsense be banished here
no dribbling diatribe or verbal farts
no tepid cups of tea or limp sandwich
just birdsong floating on a summer breeze
the Thinker and Paulh make poems with ease

Good quality nonsense is hard to brew.
It requires hops , quite hard to catch.
Barley is barely there, and rarely new.
You pay a pretty penny for a batch.

The rain has stopped now that the cat has started to purr and meow.
The sun has come out now that the foxes are merrily running about.
The clouds have disappeared because a cow has become friends with a sow.
The dogs have all become more healthier by eating trout stuffed with sauerkraut.

I heard of a catfish that swallowed a dog.
Too many online unwisely swallow a blog.

The sun is out and the sky is clear says Skippy the bush kangaroo.
it's perfect conditions for a barbeque or a picnic in the woods or by the lake.
So let's go in to the kitchen to prepare a few savoury sauces for the fondue
and perhaps the best rib eye steaks or even a tripe chocolate cake .

Chocolate cakes should not be made from tripe.
Persimmon pudding's no good until the fruit is ripe.

I like marble cake,
it looks delish,
i broke my teeth on it,
now i like the sound of omlette! :P

Should a nation prize, it's language before it's food?
If a cheat won a quiz, would he be a prize fool?
Does it matter how we say, lunch or girl or flower?
If the world spoke just one tongue, would all others be devoured?

I don't care what tongue one speaks.
Good food's good food for Russians, French or Greeks,
Mexicans, New Zealanders, Koreans, Thais.
Open mouths, insert forks, get set for a surprise.

"Daddy, Oh Daddy, so charming and wise
I don't understand why some things change their size
One day the bottle that held all the milk
Another's too small and some milk is spilt."
"That's easy to 'ccount for when science you know.
Some things, when they heat up, you see that they grow"

"But daddy, oh daddy, the milk grew when colder!
Will they teach me of this in the shool when I'm older?"
"Schools don't know all, son, of that I am sure
I went there for years and my mind remains pure.
Coldness shrinks. That you must remember.
Like the short'ning of days when it gets to November."

Can anyone help me as I am trying to learn how to knit?
I keep on picking two stitches up with my needle instead of one.
I want to persevere and keep on trying my best and not to quit.
For I attend a homemaking club where I have tea with a chelsea bun.

My neighbour loves to gossip on the telephone
to her friends about their colleagues crazy antics.
One of them even dressed up as a garden gnome
as he spouted out his sales targets semantics.

The knits of the sewing circle met
At Come a lot Castle each day.
King Aperture once was upset
That everything met with delay.

I had a regal ancestor
who knitted great big flags
He came from north of Manchester
And always dressed in rags
He had us all in stitches
when he gave us all a twirl
To show the latest britches
By the purl, furl, Earl

The nude beach was across a stream, then up a bit.
You have to burn your britches to get to it.

If all the trees were dripping
And all the cows were fat
And all the pigs were made of figs
Would you wear a pork-pie hat?