h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One of my housemates is fine, even if he does get slightly obsessed with his particular field of study and talks about that to all and sundry.

The other has annoyed me from day one. She's aloof, melodramatic, and I've never had a conversation with her that didn't revolve around her, usually consisting of her whining. (So it's a good thing she's never eaten a single meal together with us.) She's convinced that it's utterly unfair that she should have to work for a living, and feels everyone should be paying her homage. And she never thinks twice about other people, or consequences of her actions.

For example, rather than buy a tin opener for *gasp* 42 p, she's been using my good knives to hack open tins and has broken chunks out of the blades. She helps herself freely to anything we have in the fridge or cupboards (good thing she's a really picky eater) and has, in short, never done a thing for anyone else. She reminds you a dozen times that her birthday or Christmas is coming up and she expects a present, but it would never cross her mind to give anyone else one.

*deep breath*

She also has her own, very particular brand of "hygiene", which consists of being wasteful and then complaining about having to pay for electricity, replacement cleaning supplies, etc. She'll only eat off her own plate and bowl - carefully washed with a tablespoon of dish soap each, under running water and dried with paper towels. She'd never use the dish towels we plebs use, but takes it upon herself to wash them - two at a time, on a full, hot cycle. On the other hand, she'll happily use a chopping board for raw chicken, then just lean it against the wall to dry, because "the chicken gets cooked anyway". I never use the wooden one, and wash the plastic ones before every use.

But today takes the cake. We ran out of dish soap yesterday evening (we go through a bottle a week). She passed at least three convenience shops that were open on her way to church, but rather than replace anything, I just caught her washing the dishes that didn't get done last night for lack of soap with laundry detergent. A tablespoon of powdered Daz per plate.

I told her not to do that, it's poisonous. She says it's ok, she's always done this, and added that once a week, she'll scrub all the pans with toilet cleaner . And anyway, the boiling water she pours on it kills all the "germs in the cleaner" that poison you.

When I pointed out that the package said it's harmful if ingested, she told me "that's only science" and you can't believe everything science says...

Time to go house-hunting, methinks.

Okay, the 'only science' bit got me.

Willem and I are working on a Tinfoil Mortarboard Society for the Eradication of Boring Science. I think this woman should subscribe to our journal.

Yeah. Get out of there before Lucrecia Borgia there washes any more dishes.

No, time to go housemate hunting - pray to nighthoover to smite her down

Although I put saying you can't trust science as nearly as bad as people who say that things are better because they've not got chemicals in - to which the reply normally comes in the form of a shovel or other nearby decapitatory object

*headdesk*

Good holy grief.

Oh boy!!

Get out! for your life!

[words fail me]

Good grief, how come SHE's still alive?

You should try to find a place where you can live alone because all in all you never seem to be lucky with housemates.

And Happy Birthday!

oh happy birthday, Mala!

but can't you persuade her to move out?

happy birthday Mala

unbelievable house-mate

Oh it's Mala's birthday

And a happy birthday from me too

Happy Birthday, Alles Gute zum Burzeltag

I guess you did not mention your upcoming birthday to your housemate, did you?
Oh, but if she keeps on washing dishes with laundry detergents, it's just going to be a question of time until she uses bleach and chlorine just to make the plates whiter - and with that, that particular problem takes care of itself.

Oh, and play her this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVWuTuJxIEA

(Includes suggestions for birthday gifts for her )

Y.

Happy birthday!

She sounds almost like an internet troll in real life, but she can't be.

Yes, get out while you still can.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday