h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What?

*lamps turn on*

AHHH!

I've got another Request...

I'd like a piece of paper with the meaning of life on it.

*Looks*

*Finds a piece of paper with 'The Meaning Of Life' written on it*

Well, I guess it's what I asked for.

You should already know what it is.

It's forty-two.

Ahhh at last sweet insanity reigns once again it was gettng far to normal for my comfort....right I have been told to report here for armour and outfitting of uniforms... I was left the secret plans on the table always a clever move to hide things right in front of people more ing next to the milk and cookies which I suspect are secretly drugged with a sleeping draft..... I left it untouched for the next unsuspecting normalite that comes along

As soon as you kit me out I will be ready for action ......alert the hounds....... meantime I will go into mode to avoid detection

*cough cough* Bit dusty in here, isn't it?

So what is it you're after?

I am after a nice herringbone tweed….. something that wouldn’t look astray in the country….. which I plan to inhabit while I do reconnaissance, I am also rather partial to scarfs ….Dr Who style…… a deer stalker hat….. one pipe ….. infrared binoculars two way digital radio with a crystal display…an oscilloscope and G3T scanner…. one ration kit ... some wet weather gear just in case…. and lastly a sat/nav system

inconspicous is thy middlename?

Well, to start you off, I believe the herringbone tweeds are underneath the vanilla ice-cream in the third drawer of the freezer behind the piranha pit in the sub-basement basement. You can take the lift there, but use a long stick to press the buttons. They bite. Or, you could try the stairs. Just remember to jump every 17th one and you'll be fine.

Treks in wearing the herringbone tweed smelling faintly of vanilla ice-cream hence the annoying swarm of flys buzzing around
but is undeterred as this will add to my camouflage

resticks bandaid on left finger...couldn't find a long enough stick

now about my pipe, scarf and hat

Camouflage?? Who needs it?

That's what cloaking devices are for!

You can find them 42 aisles down, left side.

okay now before I trudge off for the cloaking device said with down cast eyes and pouting lips (I was looking forward to the whole hat pipe and scarf experience) which isle is my electronic equipment in

Next to the gardening equipment and sex toys, over by that giant mug that we haven't cleaned up yet, even though it's been close to a year now.

staggers in under all the eq pant pant pant where do I sign for this gear

Sign, you just grab what you need, and some things you don't, like say this 12 foot tall bong I just got.

Is it practical? No.

Do I still want it? Yes.

And just look at this fantastic teapot in the shape of an (apparently constipated) pink elephant! Now where else would you get something like that?

I'd rather have this absolutely (hideous) lovely piece of modern (art) crud!

Mine WAS modern art.

The type where you put over a couch and call it a form of expression??

Yeah, that's the one.

Or basketballs in a fishtank. A FISHTANK!

That makes no sense.

Oh, and apologies if that artist is a member of H2G2. You did something right there!

I'm not trying offend anyone either, I just don't get that type of art, or any type of modern art really, including interpretive dance.

Of course that is another issue, I understand how dance is art, just don't understand how most interpretive dances represent what they are supposed to represent.