h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So we're off to the car boot this morning then the Barbie straight after the meat draw, got second in the quiz again last night, oh the social whirl I live in, don't know how I keep up. Oh the rubber joke, I must explain, when I was at Ruskin, which is a right on very left wing/feminist college, the right on thing to do, they advised my female colleagues to always make sure they carried condoms which is pure common sense I suppose, of course I was expected to do exactly the same, so I put a couple in my wallet, solely in the cause of solidarity, honest, I was the oldest by far on the course and was expected to set some kind of example, the job I had explaining that to my poor missus you wouldn't believe! It sounded far fetched even to me, the fact that they were there till they went out of date is a monument to my fidelity! Love, Ham.

Hahahahaha I've never doubted your fidelity once Ham ,but ,I can understand your wife's concerns ,I mean ,not the sort of thing you want to find in a wallet when all you want was a twenty pound note hahahaha

Well thank heavens the bairn is somewhere she'll be appreciated Ham , and the very nerve just asking why she hadn't turned up ..we should make a date ,go the place and cause havoc ,complain about everything ,including ill mannered staff ...I'd love to.

We've had a storm here today ,cleared the air a bit ,it's still hot though. You can bet you're bottom dollar ,the second I water the garden it pours down. I'm sending this now Ham ,I will write tomorrow and I will tell me Mam you sent your wishes,thank you. Hope you enjoyed the barbie ? Speak later Love Pinks XXX

Evening sweetheart, I've been out on the bike again today, cycled up the Thames, crossed at Benson lock, (which is very beautiful) and on to Dorchester then back, about 15 miles I suppose but all fairly easy going and I really enjoyed it. Cycling is no problem at all for my knees, but walking sometimes is a bit of a pain literally, but those hiking poles are great but I still feel a bit daft! Oh have a look at the website for the Beetle and Wedge, that's the pub restaurant my Granddaughter had the problem with, it's a right pretentious dump if you ask me, really expensive, I was worried as soon as I heard she was going there, I've never been but I have posh friends who have, I don't do posh nosh, don't understand it. http://www.beetleandwedge.co.uk/ We had some distinctly unposh nosh at my mate's barbecue yesterday, true to form the heavens opened just as his other guests were arriving and then his gas bottle ran out! They were workpals of his from Reading, nice enough people, two couples and a 6 year old lad, it was hilarious, my missus sorted it out with his oven bless her, trouble is they had turned up late and of course he'd had the barby going full blast and he didn't start cooking till they arrived, they don't half gobble up the bottled gas those things. Anyway the sun came out the food got cooked and I got home at 9 and went straight to bed hit and missed! We're getting a new gas barby, I'm happy with the George Forman, love it! I'm a tennis widower these days, bliddy Andy Murray, Love, Ham.

Hello Ham ,I had one of those really 'posh' gas b-b-q's ,I gave it away. I prefer cooking everything in the oven and just putting a few sausages on the barbie ,don't know why I bought it in the first place to be honest ,they're a damned nuisance to store all winter.
I can't believe another few days have come and gone and I haven't even been anywhere near the PC. I've got one of those tablets too ,so there's no excuse. I've been painting the garden shed and the back gate, while the weather has been so nice. Still so much to do Ham ,I'll get those jobs done ,as I can.

No news really ,just work and more work.I think it'll be September when I get to London ,I keep putting it off hahaha I just want to be home right now Ham , I know it's very bizarre ,for years I've just wanted to be up and away ,now I can go anywhere I want ,,I don't want to ,it's weird. Right enough of me going on and on ,hope you're all keeping well ? I'll check that 'posh place 'out,I still want to go and cause a nuisance hahahaha Speak soon Ham Love Pinks XXX

Hello Ham ,just checking everything is ok ? The hedge is cut ,the grass is cut ,the shed is painted ,the back gate is painted I am so happy with myself ,but now I can sit in the garden and look proudly at my completed work ,it looks like rain hahaha I'll write later ,just making sure you know I am still here checking up on you Love Pinks XXX

Hello sweetheart, no I'm fine just relaxing after a hard day sitting in the garden listening to the cricket. England wrapped the first test up today so I haven't even got that tomorrow! I'm away down to Wales the week after next, staying with our long time friends in Aberaaron, that's almost definitely spelled wrong but never mind. It's my mate Graham's 70th, which sounds ridiculous, but there we go. I'm picking wonderful broad beans, I've always struggled to grow them but they're fantastic this year, the other bonus is a lot of people don't like them, I love them me. we're off down the Comrades, I'll write something more meaningful tomorrow, Love, Ham.

And here I am, Wimbledon finishes today thank goodness, back to Eggheads and University Challenge tomorrow! Honest Pinky life is so darned, well I was going to say boring but that's not what I mean, but it goes on much the same when I haven't got work to distract me a bit. We can't really plan a holiday, though we're not fussy, but my op is in late September, hopefully it will just be a one day admission and a bit of recovery time, it's a partial knee replacement but the quack said that if they feel they should carry on with a full replacement they will and obviously that will be a longer job. You may remember me telling you about my neighbours planned extension, I objected as strongly as I could, mainly cos they were so ignorant in the way they went about it, if course they got their pp, seems you can do what you want but anyways we haven't spoken since, it wasn't me honest, they just cut us dry when we see them, except when the fence blew down and his missus came running asking for help! I'm smiling as I write this, my daft wife went running around there, I wouldn't! He's supposed to be a head gardener, we've got all this vegetation he's planted coming over back and front fences, I told him to get it cut back yesterday, he said I'll have to come over to do it, I said do it on your own bliddy side, if you can't control it you shouldn't have planted it, he wasn't happy, childish I know but it gives me a lot of pleasure! Well, it's that time of week again, the meat draw beckons, I won the peppered steaks last week, we had them yesterday and they were indigestible!!! We've got my sis coming on the last week in August, from Canada via a month in France if you please, can't stand her, and my geriatric sister in laws from Newcastle in mid September, I'm thinking about opening a respite care home Sundown Lodge, that sounds good, but mind you I wouldn't mind a respite stay in that newly-decorated shed of yours!!!! Love, Ham.

Oh Ham ,don't I just completely understand what your NOT saying ...not boring ,but the monotony ,the tedious daily strife. I understand everything ,same people ,same things, no challenge,can't watch the news,tennis makes you want to weep ,the boredom. Then family , making plans about when they're coming to visit US. As me Dad would say ,'it's enough to mak a man eat his bairns'. The good news is, it's not too long for the footie season to 'kick' in At least a different kind of atmosphere sort of engulfs people. And ,another thing ,I happen to love broad beans

I do remember the conflict with the neighbours Ham ,and unlike men ,we women do try to make amends, make the best of a bad situation,so I do understand your wife wanting to go and help. Then again ,I understand just how you feel ,their war, they started it ,you'll finish it hahahaha Puts a bit of excitement into the daily tedium hahaha Throw snails over the fence ,I would hahaha shhh It wasn't me hahaha I wish my life was that exciting Ham ,I really do. My brother wants me to go to Malta with them ,I don't want to go. I'm not in the mood for hot sticky weather ,Maltese ,or foreign countries. I'm still adapting to the fact ,for the first time in my life ,I'm as free as a bird ,it hasn't sunk in yet,it takes some getting used to I can tell you.
Have a lovely holiday in Wales Ham ,please let me know before you go. Remember this ,if you want a bit of respite ,my shed is always ,well never empty ,but available hahahaha Sending love as always Ham,I'll write later. Love Pinks XXX

Nah in the scheme of things Pinky if I didn't have these petty annoyances what would I whinge about? I've never been to Malta, I suppose you'd fit in well there you look like a Maltese, with your exotic persona, actually I remember we had some Maltese moved on to our estate when we were about 14, great kids they were, the girl was about my age at the time and she had a long dark pony-tail, and huge dark eyes, I can see her now! But yes I take your point, it sounds awful the concept of 'freedom' as if your old man had been keeping you in captivity or something! Of course you'd sacrifice everything for one day back as you were, I know. Bless you sweetheart you're going through a long process, and it isn't a straight line by any means, you have a real gift for contemplation, that will get you through anything. Did you say your husband came from Blackwood or is that my false memory syndrome again? My mate Roger who I'm staying with in Wales is a Blackwood boy, though he lives in South Wales now. We're only away a few days, a long weekend but we may tag on a day or two in Somerset on the way back but we'll see. I'm thinking about going to Cyprus in October, I'm hoping to be through with the hospital by then, but a week in Whitby would do just as well to be honest. Hey I'm in Broad bean heaven, never had as many, thing is I lost a few in the greenhouse so I replanted some direct into the garden and they've done even better so I've got double rations! I'm reading a good book, Annie Proulx, Accordion Crimes, you know me I don't read much contemporary stuff, but she's a very fine writer, funny thing most of the living writers I read are women, Margaret Attwood, Tony Morrisson, and I'll certainly read more of Annie's, The Shipping News is supposed to be great, I'll pick it up when I see a copy in the Oxfam Bookshop. Goodness me I'll strain your eyes, Love, Ham.

You're right Ham ,my hubby was from Blackwood ,which is South Wales (he wasn't too keen on North Walians,having said that ,he wasn't too keen on anyone really hahaha ) I'm doing OK Ham,getting there ,wherever that is ,slowly ,but surely. Positive thinking ,keeping busy ,doing nothing in particular ,and just making it through another day Ham. I'm feeling a lot better ,not walking about depressed or down all the time ,no one cares if you do anyway hahaha So you might as well smile. The kids are handling it better than me I think ,or like me crying privately ,not to upset me. We had a 'flour' fight in the kitchen yesterday ,so things are looking up Like three ghosts walking about the place ,and it takes ages to get flour out of your hair ,so don't do it We're ok Ham ,honestly. No option ,you just have get on with stuff.

So more broad bean planting ? They should be ready about September Ham ? You could freeze some of those for Christmas dinner you know. All for you

I've never been to Cyprus Ham ,I'd just look like a Cypriot if I went there anyway hahahaha I can't win ,I should go to Holland or Norway really ,make a bit of an impact in a blonde crowd hahahaha You never know

You know Ham ,I haven't read a book this year ,I need too. I'll start off with some 'light' ,silly novel ,and build up I think. I saw that posh restaurant by the way ,where your granddaughter was. Riverside views and they think they own the world if you ask me. I'd love to go ,really love to and complain about everything hahahaha One day !

Right this seems to be getting dangerously long,sending this now and I'll write later Ham . Love Pinks XXX

I'm flushed with success just updated my wireless system, new modem everything, just checking to make sure you're still within reach, I'll write later, Love, Ham.

Yes Roger moved to England, where we first got to know him and his missus, they were nurses in the hospital I worked in then they started a sort of hostel for people with Learning Disabilities near Aberystwyth, then he moved to Aberaaron when they sold up. I've never been to Blackwood but I know all about it through Roger! I'm just in from a bike ride, it's a lovely evening here, I'm on a starving day today, thing is I'm always gagging for a pint when I've foresworn it, it's all in the mind, I'm losing very little weight, just over 18 stone in the buff, not that you'd want to see it, which means I've lost about 25lbs since before Christmas, hardly worth the bother but it does no harm! I think we're away next Thursday, back on Tuesday but I might have got that wrong! Love, Ham.

Well done Ham ,nothing quite like a successful install I also burst with pride when I do it right and don't have ask the kids to do it for me Nothing much to report ,lovely day weatherwise yesterday ,seems to be heading that way so far this morning though we have had a downpour ,just to make the garden grow that bit faster for me to cut all over again. Nice !

Funnily enough I had a phone call last night from one of hubby's nieces , she lives in Blackwood. Just checking everyone was ok ,so that what lovely of her, the only one to have bothered since the funeral mind you. I can see now just how happy they all must have been when he married an English woman hahahaha I won't be losing any sleep Ham.

Just make sure when you've checked the correct days when your away, with your secretary (smiles ) that you do let me know ok ? Sending this now cos I'm dying for a cup of tea. Keep going with the diet ,and yes ,you are right ,it's all in the mind,those beer cravings hahaha but ,that doesn't exactly stop them being there hahahaha You are funny Speak later. Love Pinks XXX

Hey up Pinky, it seems like a posting of mine has gone astray, it's probably winging it's way around Pluto or somewhere, I know I wrote Sunday morning and there it is gone. I'm off to Wales in the morning, we'll be back on Sunday sometime. Wales always feels kind of unreal to me, it couldn't be more picturesque where our hosts live, if you see a picture of Aberaaron their gaff is always on it, a big blue place overlooking the harbour. I'm not keen on staying at folk's houses but they often stay with us and we know each other so well it's almost pleasant! Oh we're going to Aberystwyth to see the Merchant of Venice on Wednesday, they're real culture vultures! At least I've got a pound of flesh to spare, Love, Ham.

Have a wonderful time Ham and yes, the Welsh do love their classics and all the culture they can possibly ingest. Hope the weather stays good. I'll be thinking of you . Love Pinks x x x

Hello Sweetheart well I'm back, we had to drive through the rain at 50mph yesterday, all the way across Wales and beyond. Motorway blocked had to come cross country, bit of a nightmare drive back but we had a great time with lots of old friends, I'm not quite a recluse but even mates in Reading say, which is only about 15 miles away might as well be at the end of the Earth for me! Anyway we met up with lots of them, I think I mentioned my mate who had a nasty cancer a while back, he's had the all clear and so it was a bit joyfull, he was there with all his family and I had a bit of a lump in my throat I must admit. Great band playing in a marquee for my mate Graham's birthday, right in the middle of Llangrannog, that may be incorrectly spelt, where they live, beautiful village on a lovely bay, and there must have been a couple of hundred at the party, Hog Roast as well, so it was quite an occasion. Oh the Merchant of Venice was a bit different, it was screened direct from the RSC at Stratford, I have to admit I had a bit of a job keeping up with who was doing what to who but it was good fun, it was on the campus of Aberystwyth Uni, which is very impressive. Oh and we went on a steam train to Devil's Bridge from Aberystwyth which we really enjoyed, and we got a bit of walking in along the coast path, we had a great day for it as well, nearly killed me but well worth it. I hope you're keeping a had darling, I'm sure you get that bit of Geordie, 'Keep a Had lass!' Love, Ham.

Welcome home Ham ,and yes I'm keeping a had as much as I can ,doing much better now Ham. I've been over at me Mams ,her husband hasn't been well and to save her running up down the stairs ,I've stayed over there a bit. No wi fi ,so I apologise for my huge delay in replying to your message. Seems you had a wonderful time in Wales, and a hog roast ,ages since since I was at one of those 'does'. Just lovely catching up with friends, sometimes.

Next Thursday I'm away myself ,for about a week ,a friend has invited me upto the Lakes, they have a cottage in Ambleside,make a change ,and the escape might do me good. I'll keep you posted before I leave Ham ,I haven't gone yet hahaha I keep changing my mind about going anywhere ,it just seems so strange going somewhere as a single person ,you'll have no idea what I'm talking about ,but take it from me ,it seems odd hahaha For the first time in my life ,I'm free ,and now that I am ,I don't want to go anywhere ,really strange. I've shouted about it for long enough,now I can ,I don't want to.I don't understand me at all hahahaha Right ,sending this now before I start psychoanalysing everything . Speak soon . Love Pinks XXX

Funny enough I watched a bit of telly last night there was a programme on about Scafell and I was thinking wouldn't it be great just to sit somewhere high for a while looking across lakes and mountains, you get up there and absorb, give the Bronte's a rest, pure enjoyment is the aim. I biked a bit of the Thames path yesterday, it's great cycling, flat you see! And they've quietly made it more bike friendly with swinging gates rather than stiles, on our local bit anyway, of course if it's footpath rather than towpath or bridleway I always get off, to let walkers past, or walk past them, I know me country code me. I have been known to have a stern word, by the throat usually when people come hurtling past on bikes on footpaths. I was sorely tempted to chuck one idiot in the river at Oxford when he clipped me flying by. I said at least ring your adjective bell, he didn't have one, unbelievable, fortunately I had a responsible adult with me who calmed me down! We had all three grandkids round last night, it seems to happen less and less naturally as they get older, but the big'un Eve is going up to Newcastle to have a look at the Uni in a couple of weeks, we might go up and stay over in Whitby, but of course I've got my Sis arriving in a couple of weeks, she does it every time, I keep telling her, inconsiderate is not in her vocabulary! She's contacting everyone she ever knew in Newcastle frantically looking for someone else to land on, everybody's wise to her now! She's been in France for a month, I can't even think about Hols, we'll get away in November if we're lucky, they reckon the Canaries can be lovely then, never been. Don't worry if you can't get back before you go I'll still be here, like Greyfriars Bobby! Love You, Ham.

Hello Ham , always some lovely reading your words. I understand your anger with inconsiderate bikers, when you make a point of being considerate. I feel the same about people with trollies in the supermarket , just 'bash 'heels , even if your rolling around the floor in agony , they just shrug their shoulders, and walk on. I have a secret weapon that does work most of the time 'a smile', it submits them into guilt ha ha ha .

It's just a week away Ham , a change , I do love the Lakes. Walking , if the torrential rain can hold off long enough ha ha I doubt it , nice thought though.

So , Newcastle Uni eh ? Well she won't go far wrong there Ham , it is one of the best . Hope it all works out well. I will write before I go and of course , the minute I get back . Have a lovely weekend. Love Pinks xxx

It was my Grandson's fifteenth yesterday Pinky, time sure does roll on. We had a nice day, he had a trio of mates, one Nepalese, one Indian, one English, isn't life strange? Lovely lads all of them, out chucking a Frisbee on the Krinny with them, the old knee compromises my style a bit at the moment but I love the Frisbee me! Then on for a Burger and a couple of beers, lots of fun. I'll tell you what sweetheart, we've been quizzing and I'm a bit hit and missed, also the Wallies have been in action today, pre season tournament, it's been a long day, Love, Ham. Oh I've just started a really interesting book an autobiography by a Welsh miner, I'll tell you more when I'm not so tired and emotional, Love.