h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello sweetheart, I hope all is well, I've had a busy few days really, met with my ex-colleagues on Friday, pathetic cos it made me realise how much I miss them, footie Saturday night, the Wallies collected another trophy, they won the North Berks Shield, bet you're impressed, out on Sunday, and a long bike ride today, just checking in really, Love, Ham.

Hello Ham just a quickie to let you know ,I am here ,I'm ok , it's just been one of 'those' weeks ,not a minute to spare ,and I don't know why ! I will write tonight ,I'm dashing now ,but I promise I will write. Thinking of you ,speak later Love Pinks XXX

Please sweetheart I know how things are don't be daft, write when you feel like it but most important get some time to yourself. I'm away a week next Thursday, not sure how long for yet, we would have been gone before but we'd have missed putting our votes on, not that it makes any bliddy difference round here. It's freezing here, nowt's growing, just my starvation levels, I'm on a starving day today, bliddy spaghetti, did you know, there's just 200 cals in a big tin of spaghetti? I wouldn't mind if I was losing weight, put it this way I've lost more ounces than stones! Not that this bothers you Mrs Sylph-like, "never dieted in my life" I seem to remember! just you wait till I win the over 80 Mr Universe prize, that's years not stone mind you! We had Radio Newcastle on yesterday, honestly, a farmer was visiting his girlfriend in Gosforth, he took his old arthritic Lab along with him and it got out the gate somehow. A passing Good Samaritan picked it up in his car, couldn't find the owner so took it to the local vet. The poor old Lab wasn't chipped and didn't have a collar on, anyways the vet felt it was in such poor condition he put it to sleep, or 'euthenased' it after about an hour! The owner in the meantime was frantically looking for his old dog! You can imagine, the switchboard was on fire, people ringing in, if I was the vet I'd get security guards posted for the next few days! The owner was on, obviously upset and they were having a go at him, it's obviously been an old farmyard dog, he's never bothered getting it chipped or anything, we know it should have a collar on with a tag but it's just a shame as far as I can see, but the unfolding story kept us fascinated for hours! Lord don't I go on! Love you, Ham.

Oh Ham ,what a sad story,I mean I can understand the vets point of view ,just sounds unethical somehow, tragic ...I mean ,I'd probably kill the vet of course ,but that's just me. An even sadder story is your starvation levels ha ha ha ,now I'm not laughing really ,but honestly ,if you'd just listen to me, you'd be fine. You have the same food you've always had,just smaller portions,like ermmmm instead of having pint ,have a half ,OK OK that might be pushing it but you get my jest right ? You make me laugh,and believe me I need that right now. I'm in 'recluse'mode,I know ,it's not right,it's not healthy and I have to snap out of it,the trouble is,I like it .Ignoring the phone,ignoring text msgs ,I should have done it years ago if you ask me. Frustrating for everybody else,but seriously,I have got nothing constructive to say to
anybody ,so what's the point in depressing people ? I'll snap out of it, I will ,sometime .

The weather is typical bank holiday weather,rain ,dull and miserable,supposed to get better Monday,I hope so ,the grass is growing already,it has to be done.

You're going away where Ham ? Abroad you mean ? You could have had a postal vote you know ? Nice to make sure your cross gets counted though,postal votes even sounds wrong to me ☺ Moving on .....I saw the footie results earlier,Sunderland did well,Newcastle ,not so good ,we'll see. Right posting this now ,enjoy the rest of the bank holiday Ham. Love Pinks x x x

You know what the Social Work response to Crisis is? it's not an event but a process, it doesn't go in a nice smooth line either, if only! Back and forwards, course you don't know where you're at, people are good they'll know what you're going through, there's no consolation, you're going through the worst event of your life, losing your beloved, you're a deeply feeling lass, goodness knows I must be more aware than most, and it's that loving nature that makes the pain so much more intense, but that's what makes you so special, your hubby appreciated that more than anyone I'm sure. Oh yes the Toon, a horrid fascination, not to say morbid! I'm sure we'll go down, we were fifth in December! Catastrophic! We're heading up North for about a week on Thursday We've no real fixed plans actually, see family and catch up with my mates in Gateshead, we might call in to Whitby for a couple of days on the way back, but we'll talk before then, you keep well I wish I could do something to help, Love You, Ham.

Ham ,you help more than you even know ,honestly. Just having you to write to keeps me sane. You've been here for me during the most horrific moments of my life ,the dog dying ,then my hubby ,his illness ,now this whole bereavement 'thing' ,I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy ,if I had one. Worse than these inner feelings of sadness,loss and total self pity ,much worse ,is seeing the kids. My heart breaks so much more for them than it ever could for me,I understand exactly how they feel ,when my Dad died ,nothing , no one ,could make anything right,I just wanted me Da. I try hard to think of things my hubby would say ,or what he'd do to make them feel better ,but try as I might ,I just can't substitute his wisdom ,ways or his just plain knowing. Consequently ,it makes me feel worse ,feeling so inadequate. I don't know ,I'm just hoping this 'time the great healer' thing ,works out that's all.

The good news is ,I've put the family off for a few weeks from visiting ,I know ,I leaped for joy too hahahaha Evil as I am ,I was very proud of myself. I've suggested ,I may go down to London and visit them ,that put the cat amongst the pigeons I can tell you hahahaha SILENCE fell across the miles hahaha I thought ,lets give them a bit of their own medicine ,food for thought hahahaha I am evil ,I know I am ,but ,sometimes ,you have to make a stand I thought Ham hahaha 'We'll plan a time !' was the reply Funny ,they make me laugh. It's ok to just land on me ,surprise ,surprise ,we're here. I have to give dates ,times ,arrival and departure hahahaha

You have a lovely time up home Ham ,I'm not sure about the weather mind ? Countryfile didn't hold much hope for the North East ,make sure you take your brollies, you know how it gets up there right ?

Ok posting this now ,and just know this Ham ,I'm grateful I have you. Love Pinks XXX

Honestly Pinky they'll understand, they probably thought they were doing you a favour coming, to help you 'take your mind off things', people are just daft sometimes. The sun has actually come out I'd forgotten what it looked like. I've got a great branch about 15 foot high which has grown off my Leylandii or however you spell it, which has grown over the back gardens of the houses to the rear of us, I might have a go at that today. I'm not looking forward with any enthusiasm to the great trek North to be honest, I hate the drive and stopping with relatives, but it's got to be done. I'm going to go to the Bowes museum and High Force, never been to either. Briefly, I hope you didn't get involved in the pitch invasion at Blackpool, so undignified! They're really sick, the Tango's are the best supporters on the planet, they've been messed about more than anybody I can think of, I read they were going to demonstrate around the great Stan Mortenson's statue on Saturday, the club management got wind of it and had the statue moved, it was the fans who paid for it to be made! No wonder they got the game stopped, I applaud them. I just read the two Newcastle players were fighting on the coach after the game on Saturday, shame they didn't bother on the pitch! Reet, where's me saw, Love, Ham.

Well now I'm jealous Ham ,pea green with envy. I love Bowes and High Force ,well ,when you see it ,you'll understand ,breathtaking. You'll have a wonderful time ,even if the weather is ,well North East weather ,we can cope. I know what you mean about the drive mind ,it's having to cut 'across' country that gets you down ,takes up the time. Still when you think about it Ham ,cheaper than a train ,and the freedom to drive anywhere you want when you get there. It has it's benefits I suppose.

It wasn't me ! Honest ! BUT ,if I'd been there ,it would have been me ,running onto the pitch and protesting ,it's about time if you ask me. The Oystons have no real interest in the club at all, no arrests were made by the police ,it was a peaceful protest ,what could they do ? I was proud to see the 'Tangerine Army' making a stand ,once and for all. Go Seasiders go hahahaha Good job I wasn't there Ham ,I'd have had a riot going hahaha Moving on quickly ......

Hope you managed to sort your tree branch out ? We had sunshine here too ,in the afternoon ,I did a bit more clearing ,tidying ,peeped into the shed ,locked the door again ,I can't face that Ham ,I can't even begin to describe the carnage in there hahaha I'm dreading doing it.

Right ,this is probably getting out of hand again . Do you think I talk too much Ham ? hahaha Don't you dare answer that hahahaha I'm going ,I'll speak soon ,have a lovely day Love Pinks XXX

You wouldn't believe it, I decided to saw through the branch my side, about 8 inch diameter, I sawed three quarters through, then went and got some rope to pull it over my side of the fence, and finish it today. Of course wind and storms last night I look across this morning and it's disappeared from the skyline! It doesn't look like it's done any damage, just missed the people behind's garages and shed! I had to go around this morning and ask the wife if I could come around and saw it up to remove it, she gave me a funny look! Anyways that's my job for this afternoon. My missus has just come upstairs in a panic, she's missed her doctor's appointment in all the excitement! Yes I'm just going to have a look at the Bowes website, there's something I really want to see there, that's it the Turner landscapes of Gibside, honest we used to roam up the Hall and around Lockhaugh all day every day in the school holidays, feral we were, we'd no idea Turner had been there! It's all been taken on by the County council, sort of a big park, we were always getting chased by estate men it was all strictly private then, she's got another appointment for tomorrow! well off to buy a bowsaw blade, I'll pagger the booger, Love, Ham. (I'm assuming you know what pagger means, Love.)

Hello sweetheart, I'll be off air for about five days from tomorrow, we're stopping at my sister in laws, I've been dragooned into it I really didn't want to, the last couple of times we've been up there we've got an apartment or something which is much better but I feel kind of tricked into it, hard to explain, but my missus is more than welcome to go up on her own to see her family, I don't mind at all. I'll enjoy it when I get there, I'm meeting my old pals from Gateshead on the High Street on Saturday, that's a bit of a ritual, I haven't been up there for two years but it never changes, if you're around I'll be in the William at 12 noon! You keep well I feel a bit churlish actually moaning after what's happening to you, this time tomorrow I'll be heading in to Newcastle for a drink in toon, may the Lord preserve me from the fleshpots of the Bigg market, mind you he never did before! Love, Ham.

Awww have a wonderful time Ham ,I'm sure you will ,I know what you mean though staying with family ,never ideal ,once you're there it'll be ok ,you'll see.

I can't believe what happened to the tree,you couldn't make it up could you ? All that work ,for nothing. Anyway ,at least your wife got another appointment ,and they're like gold dust I believe.

Right sending this as I know you won't have much time to read a 'normal' message. Don't forget to vote before you leave Have a safe journey and a wonderful time ,I'm gonna miss you. Love Pinks XXX

Pinky, I'm back, we had a wild few days I can tell you, we stopped at Wetherby for lunch on the way up there, what a great little town that is, then out with my Sis and brother in law Thursday night, you'll understand, loads of drinks, down to North Shields Friday Saveloy dips at Hoults, best pork shop on the planet, across to South Shields on the ferry for a few to wash it down, then then out to the club for the evening, up and out for 9 am, I went to the Laing gallery to see a very impressive exhibition about artistic involvement in the Spanish Civil War, then across to Gateshead for noon, drinking Exhibition, (that's a S & N beer, don't get confused) with old mates on the High Street, back across town to meet to meet op with my missus and the family in the Haymarket, more drinking of course, then Sunday went up to mid Northumberland to meet up with my half-sis and her husband, out to the pub for the Sunday carvery, several more pints, very emotional but nice, they got me playing and singing, great, then back to Newcastle and out to the club again! I was honestly on my knees so we headed down to Barnard Castle having booked in at a lovely pub for B&B, did the Bowes Museum on Monday, High Force on Tuesday, they only did Timothy Taylors landlord, my favourite beer, I'd sworn to take it easy but the devil was on my shoulder, quiz night at the pub on Tuesday, didn't get to bed till after one! We didn't win the quiz but we were very happy! I was glad to get home to rest my liver! Write whenever, Love, Ham

You're back Ham ,welcome home. Sounds like it was one 'REAL' Geordie few days ,it'll take you a few weeks to get over it ha ha ha . The thing I'm most jealous about is saveloys , I haven't had a saveloy for years. I'm thrilled you managed to see Bowes and High Force, both just magical. Barnie Castle, well just the icing on the cake really. Sounds like the perfect break .

Nothing much to report from sunny Blackpool Ham ,though the weather has been glorious,the hedge is growing too fast for me to keep up with, not to mention the grass. Right, I'll send this now Ham , as usual,I'm late, flowers to deliver ,I will write later. Glad to have you back . Love Pinks x x x

So you're hard at it again Gel, yes we got back to chaos we'd only been away a few days but grass up to my nether regions so we were riving and tearing all day yesterday as it wasn't a bad day. Yep we stayed at the Old Well Inn in Barnie, a great old pub High Force was in full spate with all the rain we had, very dramatic. In the Bowes my favourite thing was a wonderful little picture by Goya, only about a foot square, but of course there's tons, we got to see the silver swan this automaton which is priceless, it stuck twice which was kind of reassuring! The bloke said when it was an exhibit in London in the 18th century it cost a guinea to see it, equivalent to just over £100 today apparently, we were £9 concessions so it was a bit of a bargain I suppose! Today I'll be watching that wretched pathetic Toon trying to save their miserable skins, your lot have rallied to, and I watched the Borough last night and they were like Barcelona, fantastic, I'm sure they'll make it back up to the Premiership, they'd paralyze the Toon that's for sure. You'll be fleeing round like a linty today no doubt, take it easy and please get some time out, Love Ham.

I hope this is a link to that Goya pure despair, wonderful. http://bowes.adlibhosting.com/Details/collect/58

Amazing Ham ,I've never seen that Goya painting before ,obviously it must have been there in Bowes all the time,I just couldn't stop looking at the silver swan,or the dolls houses, a special exhibition I think. Thank you for sharing the link ,I've bookmarked it.

Well as usual ,not much news hahaha astounding I know ,but ,I'm still going through my 'recluse' mode ,so I'm just about as anti social as anyone can be right now. I don't want to see ,talk ,interact with people,any people ,no one excluded. I'm hearing words from me Mam like ,selfish ,self absorbed ,and yes I confess to all accusations. People trying to get me to 'get back into life' ,well I'm quite happy in my own little world right now,self indulgent,I know ,but ,I have to get through this my way ,in my time and the way I feel sanest Ham. It's not easy ,but I am getting there. Three months already ,it feels like three hundred years to be honest.

Having said all that ,I am out on Tuesday to the Pleasure Beach ,under protest I have to say ,but ,my friend is taking her kids ,the story is ,they won't have the same fun if I'm not there (sounds fishy to me ),she's bought my ticket ,I feel obliged now. I have to go. Watch this space ,I'll let you know every scream bump and bruise You may even hear me Ham from where you are hahahaha

Right ,posting this now ,as uneventful as it is,just know ,I am happy I have you to explain it all to Ham. Love Pinks XXX

I'm sorry Pinky, I could come out with the old platitudes 'you'll get over it' which is nonsense of course, of course your mum's been through it all and she knows what you're going through even if she won't admit it, she just can't bear to see you suffering. The amusements are probably the last thing you need but do your best! I'm such a miserable old so and so I'd rather have toothache then go on a funfair ride! I'm on a starving day today, bowl of porridge and a tuna salad, no bread or spud's no beer either, what's that to a growing lad? I've got the hospital tomorrow, just a follow up for my dodgy knees, mind you I've been out today doggy walking in the lashing rain, not very far about three miles I suppose, actually it stopped raining and the sun came out just as I got back to my daughter's with the dog, typical! So I've been tentatively putting out some flowers and the first few tomatoes, it's actually been nice this afternoon. My eldest daughter came around, first time I've seen her in weeks, she's a latter day Socialist, thinks she knows it all, I've been a Labour Party member all my life, I genuinely believe it would have been a disaster if Ed M had got in, not that there was any chance of that, the polls had been telling them that for months, nobody seems to have believed them, Ed's campaign was catastrophic, it was that bad everyone seems to have forgotten how unpopular Cameron is, he was ripe for the taking and Labour were just too inept to take advantage, unforgivable. Reet, I'm depressing you even more I bet, enjoy the Big One! Love, Ham.

Hey up Pinky, I'm just back from the hossy, they're going to give me a partial knee replacement at last, saw a proff nothing less today, and he's the first one to tell me my knee is completely shot away, I was starting to think I was imagining it. It's been nutty weather here, hail this afternoon and really heavy showers. I'm just checking in write when you can, Love, Ham.

I'm just going to keep bugging you I've got loads of chat left some of it is not that boring even. You know I mentioned I went to the Laing in Newcastle, my brother in law, that is my half sister's husband is a really quite famous press photographer! He's 80 now and though he's been retired a long time his back catalogue is much in demand still, and booger me he'd had a picture of his as the feature photo at an exhibition at the Laing just a few weeks ago if you're interested you might get it online, it features Adrian Street the wrestler a mate of my Bro in Law, He had this idea of photographing Adrian and his father as his dad was leaving work at the pit, Adrian in all his camp finery and his dad black after his shift. This Rock band got to see it, liked it and asked if they could use it as their album cover on their latest album! Dennis reckons the fee paid for a couple of holidays! He also has a famous one of Mohammed Ali eating a stottie cake when the mighty man visited Tyneside years ago, only Dennis would have the nerve to ask the great man to eat a stottie, anyways it's a famous picture which is still regularly reproduced. He still does a regular Times remembered feature in the Newcastle Chronicle, they did a special edition when he retired, though he's an honorary life staff member. Oh and get this, my great nephew, that's my sis's grandson plays for the academy at Newcastle, already a signed on pro, fascinating. Preparing pots for patio tomatoes today, never had much luck with them but I keep trying! Love, Ham.

So much news and excitement Ham ,so unofficially ,I know somebody famous then ? I think it's fantastic ,what band used the photo for their cover album Ham ,I love heavy rock ,I might know them. I remember Ali visiting the North East ,I mean I wasn't there ,but I remember it on the news. I love this stuff ,memorabilia I suppose ,but history of our roots,I think it's thrilling.

At last eh ? It took a professor to know you were speaking the truth about your knee ,well the quicker they get it done ,the better Ham. With all the promises Cameron made before the election ,you should be sorted out in a few weeks ,still ,I won't be holding my breath just yet I think the tablet of stone which cost thousands didn't help Miliband...infact had Moses come down from Mount Sinai bearing that stone,there'd be no religion,now that could be a good thing Ham ,but it did the Labour party no favours whatsoever ...I'll stop right there ,I can go deeper ,I just won't hahahaha saved ,see how much I think of you ? hahahaha

Well as you can see ,I survived the dreaded Pleasure Beach ,which costs two arms ,two legs ,your first born son and ten camels ,and that's just for a burger and chips . Weatherwise ,there was one downpour ,lucky for us we were devouring the aforementioned food ,'eat slowly' I kept saying hahaha Lucky for me ,my friend has an eight year old little girl ,I volunteered to go on all the 'baby rides' ,and believe you me Ham ,they were bad enough. I've got bruises today on muscles I didn't know I had. All in all ,it was a fun day ,just what we all needed in this house I suppose ,the best part ,we didn't have to queue for hours for any rides ,we did get a small residents concession reduction ( nothing amazing ,but we used it) Next week ,the holidaymakers will be here ,so the day turns into a day of frustration and simply queuing all day ,takes the fun out of it. It's put a spring in my step today anyway Ham ,a painful one ,(how can places ache so badly ?) nevertheless ,I'm pleased I made the effort.

I've decided to dedicate the garden to herbs and flowers this year Ham ,I'm not going to get stressed out over veggies ,well I have strawberries ,but they come up yearly anyway.I end up shouting at slugs and snails ,cry over tomatoes not ripening ,as for lettuce ,well , the 'cut and come again' disaster last year ,it's less stress if I just pop up to Sainsburys.Anyway ,the kids have begged me not to grow veggies ,they said ,I change everytime I walk into the garden ,I said 'Like how do you mean ? Jekyll and Hyde ? ' the reply ...'Worse ,like a vampire ' hahahaha who knew ? I know I get involved and certain things get ,well lets say, heated ,I never knew I had fangs Ham hahaha Anyway ,no veggies this year ,I'm not allowed hahaha Right better send this ,or it might vanish into the great beyond. Have a lovely Thursday ,sending all my love Pinks XXX