h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

V*****g hell!!!
*Checkout rolls to one side and desperately looks around for a snowzar*
Security Alert on the Bridge!!! security to the bridge, pronto!!

*E quickly comes to her sense & stuns CO with a shot from the Snowzar which for some reason she still has with her...*

The effects of the stun wear off quickly and CO dives for the doors to make good his escape attempt. Finding the access tube he was looking for he crawls in to the bulkhead.

CO kneels before the rest of the inertial dampers (its cramped) and explains to them that no one wanted to hear the union proposals for fair working conditions but perhaps he went about announcing them the wrong way.

CO calls for a strike

*Affy jumps out from an overhead ventilation duct, and throws the FoeBeBound (Yet another fine product of Crater Labs, Inc.) at CO. Points the snowzar right at CO's forehead. Smiles*

Preparing for the court martial speech? Besides, who would want to strike? I mean, our federation has the best payment plan in the galaxy! All the donuts and Brownian Motion you care to have! After a certain amount of service, you even get your own Brownian Motion Inducer with which you can make coffee or tea (a great source of Brownian Motion)! That, plus the pride of knowing you leave the Galaxy just a tad better than you found it certainly seems to be a fair amount for our services, you traitor!

*Begins pulling the trigger on the Snowzar after making sure that the FoeBeBound is secure enough to hold CO in the event that the blast wears off again*

All we're asking for is a lightbulb and perhaps a slightly better health program.
and total domination of the galaxy. (keep forgetting that one)
Is that so unreasonable

A breif flash of light engulfs CO and a strange sound is heard as he is transported off the ship.

Damn! Just too late again

Somebody trace that transporter beam...!

*Warning alarms start wailing as a ship comes into visual range*
*Checkout dashes to the science station to find out what it is*
Keptin, you're not going to like what just beamed CO off the ship...
IT'S THE BJORG!!!
*As if on que, a team of Bjorg, dressed in tennis gear, beam aboard the Esirpretne*
*Checkout fires his snowzar, but it has no effect*
Just as one of the Bjorg makes a grab for Checkout, he manages to dive into an air duct*
Keptin, E, anybody... Please respond. The Bjorg have the bridge!
(And the day started off so well...)

*Checkout starts crawling towards engineering*

Joanna to all hands.
Status? We *must* secure main engineering. I'm working to protect it from their transporter beam...

*E's snowzar also has no effect on the Bjorg...she starts to panic slightly...*

*Then she remembers the flame thrower that she had...*

Hey, Bjorg! Leave my crew alone...!

*The Bjorg turn...E fires the flamethrower... Thankfully it seemed to have some effect...*

*E dives into an air duct after Checkout*

*Walks into main engineering, looking at home*
*marches over to an important looking display and taps keys*
*schematic diagram of the inside of the ship appears... 2 little blips represent Checkout and E*
*Label Forcefield Activated appears behind them*
Now they should be safe.... for the moment, anyway...

*E notices the forcefield appear behind them...*

Checkout, get a move on, we don't know how long that'll last... And once it's gone, I don't know how long I'll be able to hold them off with the flamethrower...

*sits in Ten-Forward, getting speedily, jerkily drunk. does not notice bjorg troops entering*

Barman, another round!

*takes large drink, clumsily spills it down front of bjorg who is about to kill him, watches bemused for a moment as bjorg troops sparks and goes bang*

Whoops.

Joanna, wherever you are, I trust you're doing something about this. You too, Number One. I'm going to block all further transports to the ship

*runs up to bridge, notes E and Checkout are about to be attacked, runs full tilt into force field as he tries to help them. turns on shields, thus blocking transport*

Quick, people, get to engineering! I've locked the command protocols in down there, I'll stay here and stall them, get the crew together and help us fight back! Then we can go back to warp!

*starts squaring up to bjorg, kirk-style, before dashing off down side corridor, being chased by the bjorg troops*

*E suddenly worries about the Captain...surely he'd be alright...*

*E & Checkout eventually emerge in engineering*

*E thanks Joanna for keeping the Bjorg off them whilst they got to engineering, then she goes over to one of the consoles and starts to get info about how many there are...and where they were... And how many of the crew were on their way to engineering...*

*E noticed the Captain's blip on the screen heading off down a corridor...*

*E decides to go after him*

*Meanwhile, in the weapons lab, GL has heard the various reports of the Bjorgs.*

Hmmm. Regular snowzars won't work on them. This Mark II Acid Sleetzar isn't quite ready yet, but if I just duct tape the handle on ...

*Moments later, GL exits the lab with the Mark II Acid Sleetzar and heads towards Engineering.*

*To awaiting group of engineers clusters around*
It appears they are on the bridge, here, and *here*.
Our first priority is to protect main engineering, I want you, you and you to work with me to construct an intraship transport barrier.
Our second priority is to restrict their movement, if we modulate the level 10 forcefields to their resonant frequency that should help...
I want you to all concentrate on the tasks in hand. I'm going to work out a way of modifiying the snowzars to kill them....
And we'll work out away to get them out of here.
To work people! Don't let your captain down, he's counting on you *all*.

*DD is consulting a padd, stop a passing crewman*

Excuse me crewman shouldn't you be in engineering.

Crewman: No I shouldn't

Well which way is it then?

*E runs past DD, flamethrower in hand, as she rushes off after the Captain...*

DD, get to engineering, they need you there...

*E points back down the corridor towards engineering as she runs past him*