h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Aye Cap'n, impulse engines power diverted to shields.

*tries posting this stupid message again*

Everybody hold on...

*Esirpretne rocked by massive amounts of stuffed crust, which wallops cheese against newly-boltered shields which just manage to hold up. Al notices GL has been knocked across the room, and so runs over to weapons console and jabs likely-looking buttons until photon torpedoes whizz across space and hit the Pizzar ship*

Number One, get that away team assembled and across there. That was a last-ditch attack. They were desperate - there's obviously something across there they don't want us to see.

Sickbay, how is Mr Joolsee? What was it he ate, anyway?

If anyone needs me, i'll be in the shuttlebay, seeing if what they tried to do to my shuttle is anything like what they did to Joanna's. Oh, and people...

*significant pause*

Those were not the Horrible Somethings. All the Pizzars tried to do was kill us. The Horrible Somethings won't be so kind.

*pweesh*

*Wakes up from knock on head. Stares woozily around. Stands briefly but is overcome with dizzyness and flops down in chair by weapons console. Slowly recovers equilibrium. *

Here, E, take the Snowzar. This little knob here is the severity setting. You can set it on stun and it will just freeze the target for about 5 minutes; or you can set it on kill and it will freeze the target, well, forever. Good luck.

*Administers a large cup of brownian motion inducer to Afgncaap5 and starts to wonder if the same treatment can reverse PP's shrunken state*


Captain, I've been thinking. If we have any stale doughnuts on board we could fit them with explosives and use them as doughnut torpedoes.

*pweesh*

Sorry for disobeying that 'return to bridge' order cap'n, but I got stuck in one of the ventilation shafts. Almost cost me one of my klinklong forehead ripples. *goes into sudden but short rage at the memory* Now, if it's okay with you, *calms down* I'd like to permission to be authorised to join Eo in the away team. I didn't make it to her assistance in the shafts, and now i have severe psychic indebtedness trauma's to deal with...

And a large jug of J'kranian cherry coke. Can i pour anyone a glass?

*Stands very un-klinklongly, awaiting orders*

*E takes the Snowzar from GL then looks around for prospective volunteers for the away mission....*

BS, Prez, and anyone else who wants to come on the away mission...follow me...

*E heads off to the transporter room followed by BS & Prez*

*The away team are transported to http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=33797&thread=43076*

We're having trouble tranporting check the co-ordinates.

(It's because of that *...Grr...*'s interfere with transporter beams...)

http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=33797&thread=43076

Energising.

*pweesh*

*looks around almost-deserted bridge. only CD4 left at his station, what with Mandarb being at engineering, PP in sickbay with Dr Croz, and Captain Joanna in her temporary quarters. unsure as to whether Joolsee is still in sickbay or whether he went on the away mission with apparently everyone else.*

Oh well. Channel 4 please, Mr CD4, Spin City will be on shortly.

Hello, Captain. Shields still on full. I have the lasars still trained on the Pizzar ship, just in case the worst happens. Guess we just have to wait for a report or signs of trouble.

*Pulls out dog-eared copy of William Shatner novel and begins to read, periodically glancing at the scanners.*

*walks onto bridge with cup of tea*

Hullo hullo, it's a bit formal round here . I'm the demolitions not-quite-expert. Need any doors blowing open, explosives placing then it'll be me you want. Just transfered in from... *looks at bus ticket*...Ireland!?..

Prez to the bridge. Just to superfluously inform you that we have just located the physical coordinates of
a juicy piece of pineapple, which may indicate that the Pizzar ship really comes with everything on it.
Also, we have located crewman BB, about who's imminent rescue I have written a song.
Finally, we... miss you all down here. It's not easy you know, romaing around sticky condiments all day when your real friends are back on board... it's just not easy. Danger lurks everywhere, and anywhere and we really want to come home soon. Say hi to Fran when you see her, tell we miss her too. Dr. Croz, thanks for the medical, okay? I really appreciated that.

Uh... thanks for that, Mr Prez. I miss you guys too. Shucks.

Tatty, hi. I think GL may require an extra pair of hands with the weapons and all, so if you'd care to take up a post there, then that'd be great.

Mr Garius Lupus, how are the preparations going for adapting the stale doughnuts into doughnut torpedoes?

And who the heck is Fran?

A weary-eyed woman, huddled in a corner, gets up with a hurt-stricken
face:

"And all this time I thought you cared! Oh Boy,
you never even knew I existed!"

...and hysterically bolts out the *phweesh* door, straight towards an escape pod, which can then be seen hurtling away into blackblack space... until it disappears in the void.

Cap'n what is going on? My tricorder just recorded the release of an escape pod. Is everything hunky dory up there?

*Walks out onto bridge*
*starts to put her hand up to her communicator, then remembers that she's not the captain of ~this~ ship*
*walks over to science station and brings up a flashy simulation of her ship, the Vayorger's encounter with the pizzars*

DD to transporter room, two to beam back to the Esirpretne.



*Beaming FX*

O'Lyon, make sure Bluebottle gets to sickbay for a check over from the Doctor, then I'm sure the captain will be ready to debrief you.

*Materializes with a glum look on his face*

You know, it isn't easy to beam yourself onto a ship. Oh, well. Hey, I have something that might provide info on why they attacked our ship.

*Removes manilla folder marked "Conspiracy Against The Galaxy" written on it. Folder contains floppy diskettes, CDs, notebooks, papers, a pencil, and some three-tooth bubble gum. Hands folder to Boy*

I'm gonna help GL with the new weapons. Gotta make sure that the "Crater Labs Inc." sticker is firmly attached!

*Runs off*