h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So that's why I'm running around down here like a 'eadless chicken. Does the Doc have to give all my crew a mediacl at the same time?

Right, time I went for lunch again, I think. You have the conn, Number One.

*pweesh*

Prez, You're perfectly fine. You passed your medical with flying colours. You can go to tactical now and start blowing stuff up to your hearts desire.

Great! Battleaxe-through-Ferengi kind of great!

*pheesh*

Tactical blowerupper Prez reporting bloody healthy and seething with rage for duty, sir.
What can I shoot?

*places triggerhappy hands over tactical controls, quivering just not enough to accidentally jettison the warp core*

*Stumbles in, rubbing back of head*

Security! Where's the security officer? I think there are stowaways on board.

I was down in the weapons lab, and had just finished the prototype for a new weapon when I heard a noise behind me. I started to turn around when something hit me on the head. All I saw before I blacked out was something purple. Well, mauve actually. When I came to, my prototype weapon was gone.

*Slumps down heavily in Weapons Officer's chair. Notices Prez fiddling with stuff and shoos him away.*

Shoos *gasp* him *red mist* away?
Shoos *cough* him *gripping battle blade* what?!

*reads back the thread*

Oh. I see. Well, i just want to say that as a klinklong, one of the most violent races in the history of bunk, I am quite easily enraged.
Actually, i see everything through a dark red berserker mist all the time. Yep, easily peeved as can be. So instead of shooing me away,
why don't you let me pull up a chair and we can man Tack Tickle together? After all, the doc did say i was qualified for it.
he literally said "You can go to tactical now and start blowing stuff up to your hearts desire." he did.

Oh and maybe you'll want said doc to have a quick looksee at the lump on the back of your head. unless it's something natural to your species, you've been clocked hard back there.

Say Prez, with an attitude like that you should be in Security unless you already have a job on this ship? (I can't be bothered to trawl through the backlog )

What? *red mist clouds vision for absolutely no reason*

Sure! I'll be just as bonecrunchingly enraged with content as Security guy as i would be next to garius behind tactical.. whichever my fellow Esirpretne crewmembers want...

I could even wear cool securityguy sunglasses to adorn my klinklong face-like-a-mars-bar head... cool!

I'm fine whatever job you do, Prez, but just don't fiddle with _those_ controls, please.

And whoever is in charge of security, you had better find the stowaways that stole my prototype snowzar. It fires little snowballs, which might not sound like much, but those little snowballs are super-cooled so that whatever they hit is instantly frozen. The snowzar can be set so that the freezing lasts from a few minutes to, well, forever. In the wrong hands, it could wreak havok.

Or be used to make entirely new flavours of icecream.

"Erm, has anyone seen my gold chocobo? I call him Schrodinger. I used to keep him in a box with a lump of rock and a test tube but begger me if he didn't keep dis-appearing."

OK, so we're missing a very important prototype and a gold chocobo...

...Someone, *please* go & find them... Someone in security perhaps...?

And what about my icecream???

Which is why we need the prototype back...

...Or we could use that replicator thing... But it's chocolate ice-cream is nothing compared to GL's snowball thingywotsit...

Chocolate is fine by me as it is after office hours.

So is someone going to find it...or do I have to do it myself...?

What we need is someone gullible enough to actually do some work around here....
...We need to hire more crew. But remember - DON'T WEAR RED!!!!
Anyone who wears red will die within 10 minutes.

Too true...

...But for now I suppose we'd better do some of it ourselves...

*E is quiclkly thinking of things to say so that she can put off doing work for as long as possible...*

*She can't think of anything...*

Did I miss something?

*DD removes his origianl ST security top and Liverpool shorts. Only to find he is wearing his Red CK boxers, which are also promptly removed*

Cause I hear it is cold in space.