h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

See ya, Mr Afgncaap5. We'll try to have you thawed out by the time you return.

*head emerges from the neck of the goldspangled shirt handed to him by BS a while earlier*

There we are! Took some effort getting the ripples in my forehead through the neck opening, seems I'm not a 44L after all...

BS? Number One? *sees the ventilation shaft the two went through*
Off to interrogelimintate some stowaways then!

*dives after them*

*comes up with devilishly brilliant plan*

Mr Bluebottle, you have the conn.

*dashes down to shuttlebay, takes out shuttle to draw fire of Pizzar ship whilst Esirpretne deals with them*

*further swelling of dramatic music*

The Erispretne glides through shot.

Happy with your wash?
Your clothes my be clean, but are they neurotically clean?
Obsessive-compulsively clean?
Well are they?
You need new Insanorator Spring Fresh Petrolium and Match Based Detergent!
Simply pour....and ignite!
Washing doesn't get any brighter than that!



It's brighter! It's whiter! It's Insanorator!

Shall I fire a shot over the Pizzar's bows as a warning?

*Waits for an answer, expectantly, for 3 seconds. Grins. Pushes flashing red button.*



*Photon torpedo fires from Esirpretne, flashes towards Pizzar ship and explodes just in front of it.*



Yeeeeee haaaaaaaw! Ahem. I mean: That should do it. Perhaps we should try to raise them on the radio.

*Zzzzzzzzzzzip*

Did you hear that, BS, or am I just getting paranoid...?

*E looks at the motion censor... There was more than one blip on the screen...and it was coming their way...*

*E gets her flamethrower ready...*

Oh! Good idea.
*Shuttlecock*
*Twiddle*
Opening that hailing frequency again.
*Grins*
Unidentified Pizzar ship this is Esipretne. Come in please.
Helooooo! Can you hear me! Yoo Hoo!

*The blip gets closer...*

*blip*

*blip*

*blip*

*Donut*
E! They must be near you now! Can you see them?

*E taps the donut communicator...perhaps a little more cautiously than usual...why...well...it's quite hard to piont a very big flamethrower down a ventilation shaft & tap a communicator...*

Joolsee...has anyone ever...*seen* these Horrible Somethings before...?

*E sounds a little worried*

I mean, just so I know if what's coming down this way is one of them or not...

It doesn't look too friendly... It certainly comes under what I'd class as a "something"...and it looks pretty horrible...

...And it ain't too friendly either...

*Donut*
OK, E. Lest think this one through. Either what's in there are Charlie Dimmock's breasts, or a bunch of reviled and feared hyperbeings with malign plans for all the donuts in the Galaxy. And nobodies ever seen them. The Hyperbeings, I mean. So, describe what they look like, and I'll try to give you some guidance.

Hmmmmm.
On second thoughts FLAME 'EM! FLAME 'EM!!!!

*Donut*

Joolsee...I really don't like the thought of having to look at this thing in order to describe it...

If it comes any closer I'll shoot it... Like I said, it ain't being too friendly...

Great minds think alike, and so do ours!
(Ah! Simlpost.)
So FLAME E! FLAME!

*E pulls the trigger...*

It's been dealt with Joolsee... As long as there's not more than one of them, I think we'll be fine...

*E looks at the tracking device... There were no more blips near her... None that were within range anyway...*

Joolsee, you picking up any more stowaway's...?

That was just a viscious rumour.
Oh. Sorry. Er.....
*Slaps motion detector.*
Um. No. But apparently pea shingle is very good at controlling weeds, as well as being very attractive in a low maintenance garden.
Looks like you're safe!
What did you flame? Is it.....crispy?

Whatever it was, it's now *very* crispy...

Infact, I think it's beyond crispy... It might make good compost...

*Twiddles doughnut*

E, see if you can recover my snowzar.

*E thinks...*

*Donut*

It wasn't carrying your Snowzar... Hmm...now *that's* worrying... That means I'm going to have to crawl around here a bit more to try & find it... I hope there wasn't more than one of them...

BS, Prez, you can go back to the bridge if you want, or you can follow me... You might be needed there... I'll be able to handle anything, I'm sure...

...Unless, you want to come with me...?

*E doesn't wait for an answer as she crawls further along the ventilation ducts...keeping a wary eye on the tracker, just in case...*