h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*pweesh*

Mmm, 23-hour lunches, nothing like...

*sees crew lying around bridge. sighs*

I knew it, I missed something really important, didn't I. Oh well. Ah dammit, we don't have a chief medical officer. Okay Croz, you can be CMO. You don't have to be Kid Genius any more.

*gives Croz a hand dragging Joolsee down to the sickbay, returns*

So, those Horrible Somethings are trying to get us before we've even launched, eh? Well, they SHALL NOT HAVE US!

Sorry. Lots of coffee with the lunch, y'see.

*re-assumes post in chair. indicates other chair at right-hand side of captain's for E*

Okay. Ready to launch? Damn, we don't have a pilot...

Oh well... *presses button on arm of chair, steering column rises from armrest, Flight-Of-The-Navigator-stylee*

So, what's the ship CALLED?

We could call the ship "Shape". That would be good for one or two reasonably good jokes and endless inward groans every time it is mentioned afterwards.

Or we could just call it Bob.

We could call it "Shape"... lacks romance, I feel.

And I ain't goin' on no ship called "Bob".

Well, there was the "Aries" in Star Trek, and the "Scorpio" in Blake's 7... Anyone got a favourite star sign? If not, then "Shape" it is...

Hey, I've put a section on my page about the mission. Go check it out!

*puts ship on cruise control*

Right, I'm off to do a quick tour of the premises. E, you have the conn.

*pweesh*

*DD is polishing the warp coil awaiting inspection*

Mull of Kintyre, oh if only I remembered,
The rest of the words,
It's all I can do now,
To La la la la.

The words are, of course:

Mull of Kintyre
Oh mist rolling in from the sea,
My desire is always to be here
Oh Mull of Kintyre
Far have I traveled and much have I seen
Dark distant mountains with valleys of green.
Past painted deserts the sunset's on fire
As he carries me home to the Mull of Kintyre.

Mull of Kintyre
Oh mist rolling in from the sea,
My desire is always to be here
Oh Mull of Kintyre

Sweep through the heather like deer in the glen
Carry me back to the days I knew then.
Nights when we sang like a heavenly choir
Of the life and the time of the Mull of Kintyre.

Mull of Kintyre
Oh mist rolling in from the sea,
My desire is always to be here
Oh Mull of Kintyre

Smiles in the sunshine
And tears in the rain
Still take me back to where my memories remain
Flickering embers growing higher and higher
As they carry me back to the Mull of Kintyre

Mull of Kintyre
Oh mist rolling in from the sea,
My desire is always to be here
Oh Mull of Kintyre

Mull of Kintyre
Oh mist rolling in from the sea,
My desire is always to be here
Oh Mull of Kintyre

*A faint sound of vomiting drifts up from the sick bay.*

(BB I was living up to my pseudo-Scottish Chief Engineer)


I polished up the warp coil so carefully
That now I am the engineer on the yet unnamed ship

He polished up the warpcore so carefully
That now he is the engineer of the unnamed ship.


I'm called little Bluebottle,
Sweet little Bluebottle,
Though I can never tell why.
But still I'm called Bluebottle,
Poor little Bluebottle,
Dear little Bluebottle, I.

*INTERCOM BEEP*
I am the very model of a Communications Officer,
I've information hypertext, subspace bourne, and liminal,
I know the ships of Spacecore, and I quote the fights historical
From Obulon to Xeefarex, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters hyperphysical,
I understand equations, both the complex and quasiclasical,
About etherwaveguide theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
Though often you'll find me pluggin in to check up on the evening news.
*BEEP*

*INTERCOM BEEP*
Thank you.
*BEEP*

The spaceships that fly to the stars, Tra La,
Are full of monsters and humans that sing.
And when we get on our way to Mars, Tra la,
We'll get drunk in exotic alien bars, tra la,
And next morning we won't remember a thing,
And next morning we won't remember a thing.
And that's what we mean we talk of a cruise -
We're out to get drunk on pints of alien booze.
Tra la la la-la, tra la la la-la,
We're out for some alien booze.

The spaceships that fly to the stars, Tra La,
Are full of monsters and humans that sing.
And when we get on our way to Mars, Tra la,
We'll get drunk in exotic alien bars, tra la,
And next morning we won't remember a thing,
And next morning we won't remember a thing.
And that's what we mean we talk of a cruise -
We're out to get drunk on pints of alien booze.
Tra la la la-la, tra la la la-la,
We're out for some alien booze.

<BB<

It's astounding
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely
Not for very much longer
I've got to keep control
I remember
Doing the time warp
Drinking those moments when
The darkness would hit me
And a void would be calling:

Let's do the time warp again

*COMMUNICATOR BEEP*
Can we stop singing and go and kill some aliens?
Er.....sorry....I mean boldly get going for the sake of galactic piece, harmony and the pursuit of snug fitting uniforms?
Captin?
*BEEP*

I think it's time to go... Before everyone gets carried away again...

...If it's any help to naming the ship, then my starsigns Scorpio...

So why don't we go get those Horrible Somethings...

Anyone watch Battlestar Galactica?
I always liked the name Pegasus.

That's a good name...

...Perhaps Al should decide...I'm sure it's one of those things that comes with being the captain...

Yes, and perhaps Al will give me a job, apart from being Official Hitchhiker.

Hows about Esirprente. But we may have to go every where in reverse. But the engines can take it C'pn.

"Esirpretne?" That sounds good...