h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Pweeeesh*

Do we get a uniform?

*Pweeeesh*

*Stumbles back in, grunting and wheezing, pulling an odd-looking contraption the size of a file cabinet.*

Ok, I've made a portable version of the snowball cannon. It can only fire 0.4 ton snowballs, but they come in 3 flavours: chocolate, vanilla and roast turkey.

*pweesh*

Captain on the bridge!

Roll call, everyone:

Al - Captain
Eomando - First officer
Demon Drawer - Chief engineer
Garius Lupus - Weapons officer
Afgncaap5 - Science officer
Joolsee - Communications officer (due to expertise with holograms etc)
Croz - Kid genius (or something )

So, wait, does that make us Blake's S7?

*dishes out uniforms. very natty. communicator badges in doughnut-shape. gold trim. incredibly dashing*

Did we decide what the ship's called yet?

Whoops, in the roll call I forgot BluesSlider. He was the first one to ask for a lightsaber, so he can be Security officer

Right, I'm going down to the mess hall for some lunch. You have the conn, E.

*pweesh*

*Pweesh*
*BS wanders in having been to check out the brig following his appointment as Security Officer *
*Pweesh*
Great, that means I get to be on the away team

*Swishes light sabre for effect and grins happily*

While I have to keep an eye on the dilithium crystals. But don't worry I know this ship like the back of my hand.

*Looks down at hand*

Whose hand is this? I don't regocnise it. Oh, don't panic, it was the front of it.

*pweesh*

Communications Officer! Great!

Oh, love the uniform!

*straigtens donut*

*pweesh*

Off to check on my engines.

*pweesh*

*pweesh*

Hey! There's a message coming in on sub-space frequencies.

Apparently the Captain may all ready have won one million pounds!

All he needs to do is return the application form.

Wow! We'll be able to afford some really spiffy dress uniforms!

Oh, and there's another one about damp proofing, if he's interested.

*pweesh*

*Finishes revamping Brownian Motion Inducer so that it looks like an impressive machine necessary to space flight, rather than a coffee/tea dispenser. Makes himself a chocolate snow-cone with Garius' miniature snow cannon*

Are we only going to be fighting the evil somethings, or are we going to run into continual dangers like in Star Trek?

*Pulls out lightsabre and Elvish sword. Can't decide which one looks more impressive*

*pweesh*

Oh, the sword, definitely.

Although the lightsabre does give you a certain je ne sais quoi.

Tell me, does my bum look big in this?

*INTERCOM BEEP*

Next to the warp drive no.

*BEEP*

*E looks around to make sure everyones doing whatever they're supposed to be doing...*

*A message from a cute little alien in a bike's shopping basket appears on the visiscreen*
You have been called. The person who is phoning is seeking to reverse the charges. Do you accept?

Thankyou

*INTERCOM BEEP*

I'm not sure we should accept reverse charge calls C'ptn. It may be a way for the enemy to infitrate our system and dilery a bug to the vital functions. And I dinny ken if I could stop a ship wide catastrophe if that happened.

*E decides to accept the call...it could be important...and seeing as how they hadn't actually left yet, she figured it wouldn't cost too much...*

*Garius aims the snowball cannon at the communicator screen just in case*

*Joolsee wakes up a start*
Oh, communications! That's me isn't it.
*Wedges chrome shuttlecock into ear and twiddles it.*
Hello? Operator? Yes we will acept the charge.

*Looks expectantly towards E, gallant 1st Officer looking especially fetching, her donut gleaming under the bridge lights.*

*Worries about call*

How are they calling? 10-10-321? 10-10-2-20? They aren't just dialing *ZERO* are they??

*Gasps at the thought*