h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Q. How many blonde's (female ) does it take to change a light-bulb ?

A. Depends on how many have rich parents to hire an electrician

A blonde got on a plane bound for Denver. She was supposed to be in business class, but insisted in sitting in first class. The crew were fit to be tied until the co-pilot, who was married to a blonde, offered to help. Sure enough, he talked to her and she promptly went to business class.

"How did you get her to change her mind?" the rest of the crew asked.

"I told her that first class isn't gong to Denver."

Woman to woman:

- My husband went out for cigarettes yesterday morning and I haven't seen him since!

- Oh dear, sorry to hear that. Here, have one of mine.

Woman passenger on airplane, asks the flight attendant:- Do planes like this crash often ?

Attendant replies:- Only once..

A llama was sitting with Rama and Quasimodo on a subway train when they got to talking and realized they had what it took to become a pop group. So they formed the group Rama, Llama, Ding Dong.

I was just reminded of this quote (possibly by W.C. Fields):

"In theory men and women should be able to understand each other.

Also in theory you should be able to catch eels with a lasso"

Between friends:

- I want a divorce!

- Why?

- I'm tired of my wife all the time running from bar to bar

- Bars? I didn't know she drank

- She doesn't. She's looking for me

What did the say when it was one number off winning a national lottery ?

That's as gouda as it gets

Was that a gouda joke - or was it cheesy?

I may have told this one before:

The vicar was asked to give the youth club a lecture on sex and morality and the like. Since he was a little shy he told his wife he would be talking about the joys of sailing.
When the vicar's wife met the chairman of the youth club a few days later the chairman told her that her husband had given a very good lecture.
- Really, she asked. - That's funny. Because the first time he tried it he got seasick and the second time he lost his cap...

A person who was born in 33 was 45 in 78

That sort of turned tables along the way

"I may have told this one before"

Now at post 1294 This thread I started as gone way over what I thought it would..

The more the merrier my friends
There could be folk out there reading them and might add some more

Little Loui: - Gramma, where did you grow up?
Grandma: - In a little town called Oakly, Idaho
Little Loui: - Where did Grampa grow up?
Grandma: - He didn't

Hey You!

You've got the wrong person I'm not Asian and my names John....

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
Then a hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil cast a spell upon me. One from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: "I don't freakin' think so!"

What goes around your waist at 90mph ?

honda pants

- How long have you been w*rking here?

- Since the boss threatened to fire me

How do you know when a painter is mega rich ?

In his house Toulouse-Lautrec

2 loos