h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The municipality granted my old Mom a home helper for five minutes a day. But the label on her food says it should sit in the microwave for 6 minutes

What make of vehicle does a Jedi Knight drive ?

a toy Yoda

The invisible friends I had as a child dumped me because their friends did not think I was real

The day they make vitamins taste just as good as calories, I will get rid of one major problem

You know you're old when the little blue-haired lady you help cross the street is - your wife ...

The dirtiest joke bypassing hootoo's filters

A man fell into a bag of soot

I'll try it

Teacher says to George! Why are you late for school ?
George - I've been up Mary hill miss

Teacher says to Trevor! and Why are you late for school ?
Trevor - I've been up Mary hill miss

Now then your not always late for school, so why are you late ?

Please miss! I'm Mary Hill



bets on getting "yiked"

- What? You broke up with your girlfriend just because she got glasses?

- No, she broke up with me ...

At the aiport. Traveller approaches check-in and asks the clerk: - Please send my red suitcase to Tierra del Fuego and the green one to Timbuktu.
The astonished clerk: - I'm sorry, Sir, but I can't do that when you have a ticket to Athens.
Traveller: - You can't? Well isn't that a relief. Because that's exactly what happened a year ago.

The bookseller to the student: - This book will practically do half the work for you.

The student to the bookseller: - Great, I'll have two then.

Journalist interviews author: - Your new collection of poems expresses a very clear and realistic but also very dark perception of reality. What caused this do you think?

The author: - New sunglasses with strength.

Husband loses bet with his wife and has to wash his T-shirts himself.

Two seconds after coming out to the washing machine, he shouts: - Which program should I choose?

Wife shouts back: - It depends on what it says on the shirt.

Man answers: - Manchester United

Man enters pharmacy and asks for a remedy against worms.

- Sure thing, says the pharmacist. - For adults?

- I don't know. How can you tell if worms are adults?

What did Anakin order from the Italian bakery? Only one cannoli.

One girlfriend to another: - Why did you marry Tom, you don't seem to have anything in common?

- I guess opposites attract: I was pregnant - and he wasn't ...

They called him Big Bill when he was in college, but when he got to medical school he decided that would not be a good name for a doctor.

How did the author of "The Divine Comedy" like his pasta cooked?

Al Dante.

Why don’t The Avengers use The Hulk to advertise their services? He’s essentially a giant Banner.

The economic slowdown in China is a Dongguan shame

There's flooding along the Kern River in California. Old Man River keeps on rolling along.

In science class, the teacher asked me to explain the Uncertainty Principle. "I'm not certain what it is," I said.

This morning it was snowing, and then changed to rain precipitously.

The author of The Hokey-Pokey died

When his family had chosen the right coffin they put his left leg in

- and that's when the trouble started ...