This is the Message Centre for Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1201

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

George Burns once said he had to sing because there was something inside him that just had to come out.

"And if you had it in you, you'd want it out, too."


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1202

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Once a psychiatrist promised to get Gracie Allen straightened out. George Burns objected, because he didn't want to go back to selling ties. smiley - winkeye


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1203

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

Dad tells his son: - Once you're married you can forget about all of your mistakes.
Son: - How so?
Dad: - No need for two persons to remember the same things


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1204

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

Q: - What do you get when you cross a smiley - tit with a piranha smiley - fish?
A: - A stern warning from the Ethics in Science Committee and a sudden lack of funding


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1205

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home ? the smiley - bluelight said details are sketchy ?












Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1206

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

10 things that made me laugh these last 12 months:
1. The dumbest thing was probably buying a planning calendar.
2. In 2019, I stayed away from negative people. In 2020, I stayed away from positive people.
3. The world is upside down! Old people sneak out of the house while their children shout at them to stay home.
4. This morning I saw my neighbor talking to her cat and it was obvious that she thought the cat understood her. I told my dog ​​about it and we had a good laugh.
5. Try wearing your jeans on a regular basis. Your sweat pants might make you believe everything is fine.
6. In 2019, people coughed to hide a fart. In 2020, people farted to hide a cough.
7. I never thought that the saying “I would'nt even touch them with a ten foot pole” would be politically correct, however that's the case now.
8. Practicing social distancing ... from the fridge.
9. One hopes for good weather for the daily excursion - to the trash can.
10. I never thought in a million years that I would walk into a bank wearing a mask and ask for money!


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1207

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

NUmber 10 smiley - laugh

You could have been arrested for *not* wearing a mask into a bank.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1208

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Gud'un Pierresmiley - smiley


(NO disrespect to anyone whatsoever)

A schizophrenic asked:- How can I stay 6ft away from myself ? smiley - erm

smiley - winkeyeI actually asked that to a store worker in my local supermarketsmiley - biggrinshe replied:- Trust you!


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1209

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

We got two feet of snow. Frosty the Snowman was finally able to walk.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1210

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

Customer in bakery: - I would like to buy 10 rolls.

Baker maiden: - Unfortunately there are only 9 left in the store.

Customer: - Well, what are you waiting for? Go to the bakery and make a roll call.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1211

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

An enterprising artists made a display of a stone and a scone. The art gallery called it "Rock and Roll."


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1212

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

He sighed: - I've wanted a child for four years, but my wife insists we should keep it for at least 18 ...


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1213

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

The thoughtful boy said: - Mum, if God gives us our daily bread, Santa Claus brings presents, the Easter bunny brings chocolate eggs and the stork brings the little children - then why do we have Dad hanging around here all the time?


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1214

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

My wife is incredibly picky. Now she wants a divorce just because there was a single little hair that was not sitting as it should.
It was blonde and sitting on my jacket ...


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1215

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

When someone mentioned that George Burns was born on the Lower East Side, Gracie Allen said, "He's no freak. He was born on *both* sides."


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1216

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Baby Adder to it's father:- Dad! Are we poisonous snakes ?

Yes son! We are and why do you ask ?

I've just bitten my tongue smiley - erm


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1217

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

[aside: Only two snakes are poisonous. Many of the others are venomous, though smiley - winkeye ]


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1218

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

An albino student at Hogwarts was able to talk to snakes. Paleface spoke with forked tongue.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1219

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

i spotted an albino dalmatian today. it was the least I could do for him


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1220

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

Three men, all in their mid-90's, are being visited at the residential home they live in by a doctor who is performing memory tests.
The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274" is his reply.
The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday" replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?“
"Nine" says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you arrive at that?”
"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday"


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