h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Gee, there are wars in so many Elizabethan plays -- 100 years' war, the Wars of the Roses, etc."

"Well, the most prominent playwright was named Shake Spear(e).

I used some magic to some fog laugh. It was mist tickle.

An airplane full of negative-minded Germans found itself above a cloud bank. They were on Cloud nein.

I walked a million miles for one of your smiles etc

Got there and you were out!

I saw a bank of monumental clouds in the sky above Bank which spread to Monument in London.

I've decided to stop procrastinating!

I'll start next week

I call an old friend, but an automatic voice tells me he's out of range.
This makes me think:
1. I have known that for many years, but usually you are able to talk to him anyway.
2. Since when is the phone company authorized to make such diagnoses?

"What is the problem with little Willy," the doctor said as the boy's parents brought him into the doctor's office.

"The teacher says he split a participle in class," Willy's mother said. "We're wondering if you could sew up the wound."

"Well, a participle is a figure of speech not a part of Willy's body," the doctor said.

There was silence.

"He also said the other students died laughing," his father added sternly.

"I think I can bring them back to life if they come in to see me," the doctor said. "And, Willy, here's a lollipop." He gave the boy a wink.

I splutted an infinitive once

Woman to doctor! I want some contradictic pills..
Doc' - pardon ?
woman - I want some contradictic pills..
doc' - are you ignorant ?
woman - Yes! 2 months

So I was COVID-19 vaccinated.
I was offered to be one of the first here to test the Russian vaccine. So far, everything is going well and there are no side effects.
So to anyone who's afraid of not being properly tested, I can assure you меня зовут Лопес Обрадор, и я коррумпирован ирумпирован и лжец

Some of us goo n vacation, but you went on vacination.

It is so obvious why Jesus helped the Neanderthals exterminate the dangerous dinosaurs: You can not keep tyrannosaurus rexes confined with electricity, because it was not invented yet. Why is there no one else who can see it?

a free vaccination ? is that an holiday in Spain ?

A Covidiot goes on vacation from vaccinations.

this thread only injects humour
AND we hope it's catching

"What's your name?"

"Hugh Moore"

"What kind of a name is that?"

With a name like that, I'd have to be a comic or write a funny column.

The man said, I've got the longest name in the world!

It's Miles Long..

What were electric eels called before electricity was invented

and

What a brill' poser!


not so much a jokebut a thought for naturalists etc