h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

arti-choked after gorging on cheddar

An elderly lady was embarrassed because she got a ticket for DWI -- driving while incontinent.

What continent was she driving in?

pee ru I think

Luckily there was no snow. If there had been, it would have been incontinental drift.

not but off colour yellow

Life for a cheese maker is brie and easy but some have come across the Dragon who jealously guards his supply of red dragon cheese and won't share it with anyone and if anyone asks for some, he replies "No, hard cheese".

*Red Dragon is a Y Fenni cheese, made from cheddar cheese which is flavoured with mustard seed and ale.

I was to told that putting dripping on a piece of bread will help clear my cold and stop my nose from dripping.

When I was making leek suet pudding I noticed when I brought it from the steamer where there was a leek in the pudding dish letting in the water into the pudding basin.

The Herefordshire hop pickers would hop through the hop gardens on the way to the Hereford hop* were there were a competition for the Best Herefordshire hard cheese category and later on their would be a dance and buffet of dishes made with local cheeses along with their side dishes, wine, ciders and beers.

*Hereford Hop - it is a firm cheese and the cheese's rind is flavoured with hops.

To keep yourself in good health it is recommended that you eat the Yorkshire Fine fettle cheese but it is a good idea to keep away from the Stinking Bishop, as consuming this Gloucestershire cheese is known to awful side effects of making you stink so much that no-one wants to go anywhere near you.

After the admiral retired, he found that his nose ran all the time. The doctor told him it was post-naval drip.

What kind of oranges grow from the belly button of the Jolly Green Giant?

Navels.

Why are Irish children so bad at math? Because Saint Patrick drove out all the adders.

feet smell and noses run, what weird bodies

The otolaryngologist had not heard much about health care reform, he thought the plan smelled fishy, and the debate left a bad taste in his mouth.

I crossed a mobile phone with a skunk, and now the service stinks.

I believe I will be able to run my car on politicians promises but I'm having trouble with the fool injection system.

A mountain climbing maths teacher found an adder at the sum-mit.

The sailor called his girlfriend's belly ring a naval destroyer.