h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There was a telephone repair man named Jack who was always wired on coffee but he always put in a good plug for the company.

He liked playing cards but was trying to re-deuce his gambling.

No one played cards on the Ark whenever Noah sat on the deck.

especially if he trumped

He couldn't get into the casino because it was a full house.

they wouldn't let black jack in until he'd washed

Turns out Jack was a Queen

I know about jack being a Queen, I heard about it. Trying to appease the homophobic players was a real prial!

When the uptight King heard about it a royal flush coloured his face

It was a small town in which most of the residents worked long hours digigng coal. On weekends they played baseball in a miner league.

local teams were pitted together eh!

Miners w*rking in the deepest shafts played hooky in a lowcoal team

Their favourite band: The Velvet Underground.

in the alcohol mine, they had a lift to lift their spirits

The flemish van Bosch was quite prone to failure in his younger days. His peers called him Erroneous Hieronymus

his piers were all at sea

I tried to pay the missus a compliment, but telling her she looked ship shape turned out not to be the right approach

id the dock have to bandage you afterward?

The 'dock' was very famous as he used to treat Paul Jetty.

sitting on the doc of the bay, he got done for child molesting