h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I go to West Africa I'm Ghana make sure Togo to Mali and then I can say I've Benin Timbuktu.

African safari rangers sometimes have to meet dead-lions like the rest of us.

A lion was prancing through the jungle one day, roaring at the top of his voice for all to hear: “I am king of the jungle, for my mighty strength and lion-like prowess strikes fear into all other creatures!”

An eagle lands on a nearby tree branch and says, “Not so fast, Leo buddy!” the eagle calls. “For it is *I* who is the rightful king of the jungle, as my wings enable me to attack from above, and my beak and talons rip my victims to shreds!”

Whereupon a skunk walks calmly out of the trees. Approaching the ferocious feline and fearful flighted one, he meekly says, “You’re BOTH wrong! Needing neither fight nor flight, I disable my would-be opponents most skillfully! Wanna sniff?”

And the three animals engage in a heated argument over who is the rightful king of the jungle. While they argue, oblivious to their surroundings, a huge grizzly bear walks up and eats them all – hawk, lion, and stinker.

Farmers can hardly wheat for a good harvest.

The fruit farmer was plum happy he pruned his orchard last fall.

In the autumn, mountain sheep can become very ram bunctious.

Why do the leaves fall off the trees? It's autumn-atic!

All my friends Fall off their chairs when I make a pun. They aren't all that hot, but Summer decent.

Safety notice: Remember to slow down in winter. You won't have such a Spring in your step if you slip, Fall, Autumble down.

After a cold winter, will deciduous trees be releaved?

It's evergreen and related to the pine but has no cones - perhaps yew can tell me what conifer tree it is.

A perfectly spherical pumpkin makes good pi.

My friend wants to dress like the Queen of Hearts for Halloween. I think I'll follow suit.

Jack decided to open a knight Club.

I have a headache after all the clubbing last night

As-Pirin said "Keep taking the tablets".

I did as you told and stole 17 iPads but I still have

the night club bouncer wouldn't let me in until I asked him to have a heart and slipped him a diamond

A card shark loved doughnuts and always had his ace in the hole.

The eagles club formed an add hawk committee.