h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A sparrow can't hold much in its beak but a pelican.

A crow in a telephone booth had no money so he had to make a collect caw.

What did the revolutionary pigeon say at the secret meeting? Coup, coup.

The washrooms in a seafood restaurant were labelled Buoys and Gulls.

My friend went on a date with a girl called 'Simile'. I asked him how it went. He said it wasn't serious, he just metaphor a coffee.

[Five excellent puns in a row, Thinker. You're on a roll, but be careful getting down from it....]

I baked a whole row of rolls, then i baked out of the bakery

It must take a lot of dough to operate a bakery

But it brings in a lot of dough also

I admired the baker's daughters buns

- and handed her an assortment of flour

Having never seen the aforementioned girl, the thought never crust my mind.

Thanks Paul.

A baker always put too much flour in his bread because he was a gluten for punishment.

When asked about rumours that he owned a bakery, Shakespeare replied, 'It's much a-dough about muffin.'

Show me a baker who is on a roll and I'll show you someone sitting on a bun.

A lady woke up not very hungry after having a roll and a turnover in bed.

College bred is a four-year loaf made out of the old man's dough.

A long knife has been invented that cuts four loaves of bread at a time called a four loaf cleaver.

That sounds like an unforgettable knife. Was it sharp enough to cut holes in the Titanic's hull? If so, it was a knife to remember?

I sword and got smacked for it

In it up to the hilt again eh?

it cut me and formed a scabbard on my arm