h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep. I knew I was destined for osteology. I could feel it in my bones.

I got a great bargain the other day when I bought a forklift for half-price. It's amazing what you can pick up these days.

It's a real pain having to clean my window panes.

I'll glass over that and say I wanted to be a good gardener, but first had to learn the ground rules. It doesn't matter how cloche you are you can't exclaim hoe hoe like a green Santa.

If you can sell produce from your garden, you will rake in a lot of green.

Fork the green, I want red

sow you want to be a commie ehcarrot help you there, lettuce hope for a green revolution

Greenpeace members can't play golf. If people saw them trample around on the green it would create a scandal

shooting around of golf, what's a golf ever done wrong

Teehee!

May they all languish in their bunkers.

I always get thirsty on Thirstday (Thursday).

Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

Resigned to my fate, I bought 24 bottles of red wine . It was a case of syrah, syrah .

In the morning a lawyer walked on their lawn and experienced the dew process and made their mind up to re-lay the lawn, but it was a turf decision.

A photographer taking pictures of golfers says 'watch the birdie'.

a hole in one and a patch on the other, par for the course

I haven't mowed my grass in a lawn, lawn time.

On a golf course do they have Tee rooms which hold tea in Caddies?

Golfers are urged to stop playing when a thunderstorm approaches. It's not just the danger of lightning, but also that of flash floods that might engolf the players.

Is that a fair-way to go and is it being green?