h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Be sure to always carry a pen, in case you see a lion with spots. You'll need to sign on the dotted lion.

if the pen is mightier than the sword! how come the 3 musketeers didn't use 's

Miss Piggy is writing a book. She's writing it with a pig pen.

It's true, you know. I tried to get out of the pen by using a sword, but the pen was stronger

Blad'n hell, sword puns up to the hilt! I won't sit on the fence, I'll have a stab at joining in.

Yippee! Epee!

cutlass isn't self harming

unless the lass is doing it to her self

Every day we talk about another young woman.

Alass, it's a gala day.

And yet,

sad to report,

June's finished

I had a distant cousin who was helping his mother in her beauty salon. Even when he was seven years old, he would mix the dye for customers who wanted to change their hair color.

Then the tragedy happened. He had such promise, but he dyed young.

Grey is the only sensible hair colour, and I am dyehard about that

When making butter there is little margarine for error.

When the butter melted, it was rendered useless, so he threw butter out the window in order to see the butterfly.

Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be!

Two pencils decided to have a race. The outcome was a draw.

King Arthur really knew how to deal with the sworded truth.

To noble steeds with horse sense and stable thinking, hippocracy is not hypocrisy.

Ivan bone to pick

Icepick only for myself when I say Ivanna go home

And now for news about the Ancient Greek Baseball league: Aristotle hit a Homer in the 9th inning.