h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After the trout left school, he hoped to be a steelhead in a floundry.

The reason for the mysterious fog near Cape Cod is hazy but when it disappears it won't be mist.

To keep someone from stealing your shipments of smoked salmon, secure them with lox.

I tried to smoke salmon once, but I couldn't get it lit

my told me to use nicotine chewing gum or nicotine patches instead - but they gave me the exact same problem

my houseboat sankI'd forgot to seal the foundations and air bricks

Buildings can't become lost as long as they have foundations.

I bought a paper shop, it blew away

err! paper shop (news agents)

My page er went with it

Many a literary character has gone to do something, only to be paged.

The smoker always listened to his favorite Rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man.

Getting rid of your boat for another could cause a whole raft of problems.

Building high walls on your property may cause a fence.

Are Philosophy papers graded with Marx out of ten?

Home page: when your family makes your beeper go off to inform you that they've witnessed twelve male sheep with beepers created a ram-page.

Grasshoppers sang 'lets all go to the Hop' with a group of cricket loving crickets (who recently had taken part in a cricket match) hopped through the hop field to attend the Hop village barn dance where they danced to a Bud Holly and the Crickets tribute band.

eureka!

you smell as well!

He nose you know.

where's the keys on a nasal organ

I'm sure you'll be able to find a helpful quatrain if you browse through Nostrildamus.