h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh Prof,,,tine and tine and tine again your posts are forkin' sharp.

i asked my mate, the boeing pilot, 'would you like to go over to focker?'

'only for friendship', he answered

On December 22, movie theaters will be full of "Little Fockers."

You and your wife on a plane, Jamaica?

No, we both wanted to go there.

I alway strive to keep the status quo by keeping to the 70's dress code whenever I attend Status Quo concerts.

I flew by the seat of my pants and STILL couldn't find the cock'pit

The aerodrome windSOCK indicated calm weather. I was, however,PANTing by the time I got on the plane.

I saw a hairyplane and it was a jet, it was hair today and gone tomorrow

The passengers were on holiday. They were going to a wingding.

Uncle Bob for a bet of a ten bob note, went bobbing down the cresta run in a bobsleigh and everytime he saw a bobcat wearing one of his badly cut bob styled wig, he would cry out "Bob's your uncle"!

The plane was so cramped that passengers suffered jet leg and when the plane hit turbulence, the passengers went flying.

If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!

When traveling between Russia and Alaska, you first must get your Bering Strait.

"We aren't going to fly to Moscow to see Aunt Olga this Christmas. There's no need to Russia round.

Time is money. Overtime is more money.

In ancient times, seagoing vessels were much more fuel efficient. They got thousands of miles to the galleon.

I saw a woman with a V8 engine on her back, she was driving like Helen(hell-on) wheels

A V8 engine on her back?

She must have been exhausted and tyred.

Was she clutching anything?

The smile must have been wiped off her fascia.

that's because she couldn't a'ford it, chrysler! times are hard

A lone ensign was marooned on a planet and the only thing he had to eat was a calender. He eight (ate) the dates of the calender, particularly feated every week on the sundaes (Sundays).