h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You could arrange a date with the Queen of Spades.

I could do it in Las Vegasit'd be intern-national then

"Ewe make love ewe"
"The ewesual suspects."
"I was buried in a lambslide."
"A Star is Shorn."
"Baa-ck in Time."
"Agony of De-bleat."
"15 Muttons of Fame" (a.k.a. "They'll Flock to See You.")
"My, How Ewe Have Changed."
"Beauty and the Bleats."
"Oh, the Ewemanity."
"Here Goes Mutton."
"Baa-hind the Scenes."
"An Officer and a Gentlelamb."
"Wish You Were Shear."
"To Sheep, Perchance to Dream."
"Belle of the Baaah."
"To Bleat Or Not to Bleat."
"Be Still My Bleating Heart."
"Going Off the Sheep End."
"Three sheeps to the wind."
"Like sheeps passing in the night."
"Wool you marry me?"
"I only have eyes for ewe."
"Baaa humbug."
"Sheep thrills"

I shan't say where, but somewhere on hootoo there is a Black Baa-d the

Its that time of year again when Shaun goes to the Baa-bers.

Ewe can't be sheerious!

I am sheerious and don't call me surly

How about Larry or Moe?

Here comes Cleopatra, who's about to sit down on her asp.

sorry! can't laugh at the last few threads, I've a mouth full of snake and pygmy pie and the weather's turned badno snow, but it's snailing

A husband and wife had just had their first child, a son, and couldn't decide on a name, so they went to a fortuneteller for advice about giving the boy a name that would guarantee him a job whenever he needed one.

"Hiram," the fortuneteller said.

as bad as mine

good evening/afternoon dear lady

how are you love ? BOY! have you been missed

I missed you too

You are the first I caught at home!
Unfortunately must go for dinner.
Hope to be back.

My old email is working , not sure about the newer one

Body has been on strike, I'm still negotiating with it
for BETTER BENEFITS

How lung has your body been ailing?
Any hair-raising tales to tell about your illness?
Have you found it hard to get ahead because of it?

You're a card, pack it in it doesn't suit you. I'll have to deal with you later.

isotope you'll get your money back and you don't have to phial a complaint

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

Dermatologists often make rash statements.

I had an appointment with the chiropractor, but I backed out.

When I got to the hospital, I went from bed to worse.