This is the Message Centre for Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

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Post 461

Reality Manipulator

Paris of Troy was so named because his mother had a considerable amount of gaul and married a Frenchman

What happened to the butcher who backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

Person 1: Why exactly do you find ellipses romantic?
Person 2: Because a kiss is a lip tickle.

Do you want some cheese to go with your whine?

"You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass."

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Randy was discharged from the Marines because he was rotten to the corps.


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Post 462

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

Everybody was talking about the explosion in the boarding house: roomers were flying


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Post 463

Reality Manipulator

What did the Scottish baker say to the sheep?
I knead ewe!

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take the-bait (debate).

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.


A Pun in the oven, or no Pun intended

Post 464

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

Did you hear about the thief who ran into a shower room and made a clean getaway?


A Pun in the oven, or no Pun intended

Post 465

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

did he throw the smiley - towel in

or was was he Japanese = ah soap!
maybe German = hacksaw!


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Post 466

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

There was another thief who jumped on a scale and got a weigh.


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Post 467

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Jamaica err! no


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Post 468

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

If you Russia round like that, you'll make yourself Hungary. smiley - erm


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Post 469

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

you mind that Turkey, yugoslav and you can wipe it up,plus make sure it's defrosted and not Chile


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Post 470

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

Careful, though. If you drop the Turkey on your foot, you'll find that it's Spainful. smiley - bruised


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Post 471

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

I'm not that Hungary at the moment, I'll Peru'se the menu later


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Post 472

T.B. Falsename ACE: [stercus venio] I have learned from my mistakes, and feel I could repeat them exactly.

you're being very Prague-matic Prof, but you wanna be careful, that Monza greedy SOB who'd Eaton everthing they had in the all you can eat restaurant.


smiley - cheers


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Post 473

Reality Manipulator

My friend Max hates going up steep hills.
He's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max.

A chicken in love is poultry emotion.

A Wolf in sheep's clothing is a wear-wool-f.

A man was charged with stealing ducks from a local pond in a small English village.
When in court, the judge asked how he pleaded. He replied 'Not guilty Mallard'.

Why is the mushroom always asked to a party?
Because he’s a fungi (fun guy)


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Post 474

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

The mushroom is unique, because after it was created, God broke the mold.

Someone who's an expert on seafood would be an af-fish-ionado.


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Post 475

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

if they didn't share, would they be shellfish ?

Hull expect me to believe that


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Post 476

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

I expect that the sea anemonies would share with their fronds.
The octopi might seem stingy, but they're really only squidding.
Most fish learn about sharing when they're in schools.


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Post 477

T.B. Falsename ACE: [stercus venio] I have learned from my mistakes, and feel I could repeat them exactly.

In the same vein as "Paris of Troy was so named because his mother had a considerable amount of gaul and married a Frenchman". Lazlo and Georg Biro were so named as their mother had a penchant for ballpoints and Henry Ford's mother carried on in the back of auto mobiles, and thus he was conceived


smiley - cheers


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Post 478

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

if Mr Ford had a flattop, would he be converted ?

the dace is on and eel have to run well, mackerel run this year as will the salmon, they're in 2rd plaice


A Pun in the oven, or no Pun intended

Post 479

T.B. Falsename ACE: [stercus venio] I have learned from my mistakes, and feel I could repeat them exactly.

Two of the most powerful politicians in Scotland are Alex Salmon-d and Nicola Sturgeon. When Richard Trout and Barry Mackerel turn up I'm leaving the country.


smiley - cheers


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Post 480

Reality Manipulator

"Back to Basics", by Rudy Mentary
"Fitted Carpets", by Walter Wall.
"High Explosives", by Diana Mite.
"Painkillers", by Penny Cilin.

What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
A weasel is weasily recognised but a stoat is stoatally different.
If you Russia round and Ukraine your neck, don't Crimea river.
What do you call a lonely Korean fish spirit?
A sole Seoul sole soul.


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