h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do girls in the southern part of the U.S. prefer sending emails?

No, they still like belles-lettres.

Annie who as I was saying, women drivers are Helen wheels

i ordered meals on wheels but the icecream truck got stuck in the dessert

They say that the French make the best french polishers because they always polish off the competition.

Bien sur - good songsters they wax lyrical.

If you hire a cleaning lady, make sure she waxes more than poetic.

she waxed Wayne and he wasn't the same again, really slipped off his trolley

Af-trolley did for her? The nerve!

the caster oil wasn't the best brand, hard to swallow so put it on the wheels

Wheel have to do something about that, then.

steer clear it could be dangerous, keep a broadside

If it's a 'Bum Steer' oil avoid it.

bad drivingjust follow the skid marks

If you don't like my driving, you won't like the way I putt either.

your not that green, practice does makes perfect even though there might be a fairway to go

Ironic, isn't it, that the only kind of club I can handle is a club sandwich?

don't ever get a club foot, they tend to chip to the right

I'm glad my hand isn't twelve inches long, because that would mean it was a foot, and I already have enough of those.

As a rule few things are 12 inches.

I've got a foot, but I don't use it as a rule
I'll metre later for a yard of ale