h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And a shuttlecock is not a bird that takes on passengers for quick flights.

must be a strong badminton player, to hit a shuttle'cock up to the space station
horse flys, crow flys, butter flys ??

Cows fly over the

I knew a Woodcock who played for FC Kölln once. Tony Woodcock, according to Cocker. Good man. Can't remember a single cockup from him

Wood eye? Eye wood, wood yew? Yew wood.

Everyone in the MacDonald clan knew that had to join the space agency as it was clan destine operation.

Douglas the town alderman was feeling rather crab-by and sought the help of Ivy and Holly who promised that he would feel oak-kay soon after taking an infusion of sweet chestnuts that would put the guelder roses back in his cheeks.

Although the Emperor of China didn't like to admit it, he feared his wife so much that he rarely objected to anything she ordered done, therefore he let her name the Crown Prince Un Yin, a name so terrible (or so she claimed) that when his subjects heard it, they would weep. The Emperor thought it a very fine name, though not scary in any way. Nevertheless, he knew that his wife possessed linguistic skills far in excess of his own, so Un Yin became the child's name

As Un Yin grew into manhood, he showed a keen intelligence, great talent for martial arts, and a pleasant disposition, yet people feared him until they got to know him.

Many years later, as the old Emperor lay dying, he noticed that even the English-speaking reporters would weep at the sound of Un Yin's name, and he marvelled that the French reporters would come by with a soup named after the new emperor, not to mention a bread that the Italians had made in his honor...

Our next hymn is No. 126 "Lettuce with a gladsome mind"

It will be folliowed by "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear."

And the next hymn will be: "Bringing on the sheets".

i still don't understand the line in the beatles song "lucy in disguise with diamonds":

"...the girl with colitis goes by..."

the pub/bar was full of cigarette smoke, but a farmer took a deep breath and sucked all the smoke in and then blew it out of a window - he was an ex tractor fan

There's a new version of the King Arthur legend in which all the knights are heavyset. The knights are round, so a round table isn't needed. Some of the characters: Sir Round, Sir Feit, and Sir Plus. King Arthur uis fat, too. His official title is Adipose Rex.

i've seen that film - or could it have been a fat-a morgana?

were Sir Percy Vere, Sir Loin and Sir Osis there

It was a strange night when the Knights of old went on the Knight bus that travelled everynight through the streets of London on route to Hogsmeade in Scotland.

When they arrived they met up with a Count at the Hog's Head where the Count was counting his money.

They all pigged out on roast Hog and the knights were hogging the limelight as they told everyone at the Inn, their feats of daring-do as they battled Lord Voldemort and his band of Death Eaters.

Once a King always a King, but once a Knight's enough. So I'm told.

The one who told you, was he/she standing on a dais?

was it a knight in white satin?

As for standing on a 'dias' - that is no way to treat a welsh man, or woman come to that.