h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ran out of deodorant so tried pepper spray, wrong choice

a salt with pepper spray? now there's an idea

That would be unseasonably hot.

The lady golfer boiled some water to make a cup of before tea-ing off as she found it to be very therapeutic as boiling water raised her self of steam.

I wanted to join a rifle club, but because I wasn't a rifle, I couldn't get in

There's another way to get in, prof, and you would find it agreeable in this hot weather: spend some time in a freezer, and you'll turn into a club.

ice'll have to try that, would I have to singfreeze a jolly good fellow

Yes, you would. Just be careful when you drive. You wouldn't want to turn into a wall.

I once turned in to a side street, a right weird feeling that was, I wondered what came over me (apart from 3 cars,a bus, 2 wagons and a taxi)

Better those vehicles than a herd of . I've herd that they make....droppings.

now I know why I got strange looks when I said I want a full "manicure" I must be dyslexic

A full manic ewer would be apt to spill.

only in aroma

Boxers like to think outside the box when they are trying to box clever with their apponents but end up being boxed in with no way out.

Aromatherapists of a-Roma love the aroma of their coffee and get very expresso when they are serving to their clients and they even get Cappuccin-o monks who will only drink cappuccino.

Is aroma an eternal city?

it's on the outside and Cannes are in the pantry

I hear that it was built on seven hills, which must have been hill-arious at the time.

yep! the architect was a hillock, he built everything on a slope

I've heard that Rome wasn't built in a day, but he must have been a real slope-poke.