h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Be alert. We need more lerts.

Do graveyards en"crypt" mobile/cell phones ?

An abattoir is nothing but a euphemism for a slaughterhouse - and that is the offal truth

Blood is thicker than slaughter

The procrastinating secretary glanced at the financial statements she had been told to type and said tab-u-lator

Film producer - I SAID a night shoot NOT a knight suit

Now he tells me, said the extra after having shot the knight

As quick as a Flash, Barry Allen aka The Flash would make a pile of pancakes which were flavoured with cheese and other ingredients. It was from Barry Allen's secret recipe called 'Flash in a pan'.

In Star Trek, Q would play his starring role when he played Qpid for Captain Picard who had to listen to his quips on how Q thought he was very Qute (cute). Q never forgot what to say and always arrive on que (cue).

For me waking up in Wakefield to the sound of the church bells ringing is very appealling.

Supermarket employees must let the customer decide if they want a resuable or a non resuable bag because baggers cannot be choosers.

What do dogs do after they finish their obedience school training?
They get their masters.

I went to the garden center and found an entire section devoted to evergreen trees.

I asked if there were any yew trees.

"Aisle of yew," the clerk said.

"I love you too," I replied.

In the Bearing (Baring) Straits, explorers have been known to lose their bearings.

Bennett having his hair cut for free is the only fringe bennefit (benefit) that he receives.

At the Arctic circle conference, one of the speakers started off his speech about the polar bear where she said "I hate to be the bearer of bad news concerning the declining population of the polar bear but we will have to grin and bear it".

The rain is getting harder.

It was raining cats and dogs a while ago, but now it seems to be reining horses.

It was raining cats and dogs ? did you step into a poodle ?

I stepped on a German Shepherd's pie once. He didn't take it well

The semaphore signals from the ghost ship were hard to follow, due to their flagging spirits.