h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Whenever the goose comes raging in my direction, I duck.

The invention of dynamite was surely quite ground breaking.

Meet me at the clothes line. That is where I hang out.

My niece's spelling test consisted of synonyms of the word incorrect. She was able to write every wrong.

You're on a roll with those last three puns. Would you like mayonnaise on your roll?

After the funeral I went home and ate a bowl of cooked, salted and mashed chickpeas. It was a post hummus dinner.

My singing teacher was a tortoise. He tortoise to sing.

"Was Winston Cburchill unbiased?"

"No. He had Axis to grind."

They couldn;'t stop the lethal lava flows in Hawaii. Kilauea continued to kill away.

The was asked to cook haggis for 42 guests with very short notice. Luckily he got a helping hand from an organ grinder

I won't eat haggis. I hear that it's offal.

Yeah. It takes guts to try it

Try a good hot Polish instead.

I never sausage a polish.

Nail, Shoe or Furniture polish?

Why women do the cleaning, it's to deter gents

Rogue has gone rogue by becoming the arch rogue of the guild of thieves where she met Gambit who always played the gambit card when playing poker. Rogue opened an art gallery named Rogue's gallery.

I feel so drowsy most days that it does not take much for me to fall asleep and sometimes I fall onto the sofa/bed and fall fast asleep. I am even known to sleep like a top when I am using my laptop. I can sleep so deeply that very little can wake me up. I can sleep until the cows come home.

I had a friend called Agnus Shepherd who has been a vicar for many years has become a bishop. Agnus would always tell me when she was holding her bishop's staff and sitting down eating bread and butter pudding, that bread was the staff of life.

I was sitting down to have a cat nap of forty winks of fortifying sleep when my cat Simba jumped up onto my lap where he had a cat nap and was out like a light as the light of the day dimmed into the twilight.