h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Shakespeare never used a pencil when writing. people asked why, and he said, "I want to use the pen for pentameter."

When Napoleon invaded the Basque Country, the Basques used many escape routes. One of the little Basques asked why they didn't just use one.

The reply was, "you should put never put all your basques in one exit."

It was four in the morning when I arrived for work at the dairy. The owner was too stingy to allow lightbulbs in the place, but I could see fine because of all the light cream.

Her food was so bad I hastily drove a caraway from her kitchen

The was a carpet bagger who was such an opportunist he decided to become a carpet layer and other times would show customers carpet samples in his carpet bag along with the carpet laying tools.

HOW MUCH to lay it - lie no! it's the going price love

He told her he loved the rugged outdoors, so she put carpet down on the yard.

What kind of flooring is inherently sheepish? Lamb innate.

Mat-thew the rugged carpet salesperson/carpet fitter floored his rivals with his expert sales technique along with the wide variety of samples of carpets, rugs and mats. His carpet fitting skills was second to one as he has carpeted all the floors of his town and surrounding areas.

The lay minister who is also a carpet layer laid down the rules on in his church on the best way of laying down carpets.

I had a ford, audi and a rolls royce in the room - they were carpets

How could you af-ford them?

If we had a hippo smiley, I could sing a song about your birthday:

shouldn't that be

(chirpy-chirpy-sheep-sheep)

[Hippo birdy two ewes]

Ah, okay, now I see it

The closest thing to a hippo smiley is

What’s the favourite car of film stars? Leo drives Dicapriolet -

Ever since my mineral extraction facility was converted to parking, I've had a lot on my mine.

I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended