h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Cory, my bookkeeper, managed to fill my payroll with her relatives. So I paid coriander relatives a lot.

My customers rarely complained, but when they did, I had to treat them gingerly.

One of my teenage helpers was out unexpectedly while she prepared for fennel exams.

This is Ann. Anise my hardest working employee.

Lavender is a big fan of the (All)Spice girls and has all the CD's of their songs and even a DVD of their film. Lavender's friend Basil who had a bit of a crush on her would send her Loveage potted plants with her Valentine and Birthday cards as well as other herbs and spices as Lavender is a keen gardener and herbalist. Basil also sent her offers holidays in the herbes de Provence in France and on the Isle of Mull where they could mull things over a pint of mulled beer.

My cousin Dill-an would sit relaxing in the garden drink a cup of Chamomile tea thinking about the time he was in Baltimore in the 80's on how he met his best friend Jalfrezi where he had Balti curry with his parents Nigella and (Rogan) Josh and his siblings Rosemary, Laurel, Marjoram, Cassia and Mace.

My favourite Culture Club song was Korma Korma Chameleon.

My favourite Jedi knight is Mace Windu.

Poppy and Rose sisters who rose early in the morning to watch the sun rise over the Rosemary, Ferns, Aster and Iris as they listened to a recording of Bird(s) of Paradise reminding their holiday last year in New Guinea.

Holly Day comes to my house every year in late December.

My friend went back to his friend's Tamara’s house only to find Tara gone. Sadly, he had no time to find her, she even took his car away. I mean, it all seemed good, right down to its core…he and her dog even got along. The moral of the story? If you truly want to have a nice day, give that new car to Mam!

Angelica was anise who married Basil. She asked, "Who is your sweetheart, is it Marj, or am I?"

The Osmin brothers were musicians who wanted to play at the wedding, but they didn't belong to the onion.

One day, they looked at the calendula, saw what day it was, and rushed to the cress of the hill. Down below, they saw a lavender horehound riding a sorrel horse. He was chasing a dandelion that he wanted to catnip. When he saw the Osmin brothers cumin, he threw a lemon balm and tried to caraway the cat to Oregano.

Sweet Annie made a sage remark: She sesame, "You'll rue the day you tried to make a dill with Rosemary to take a bow and yarrow and remove St. John's Wort. If you wind up in wormwood, you won't be back 'til the end of summer thyme."

A gardener who moved back to his home town rediscovered his roots.

What do you put in an urban garden to watch over your beets? A metrognome.

The man had grounds for complaint after his wife had a harrowing time with a rake at a garden party.

She didn’t marry the gardener. Too rough around the hedges.

Taking samples from my herb garden is really thyme consuming.

Chrysanthemummies were King Tutankhamen favourite flowers.

New gardeners learn by by trowel and error.

Why did the potatoes argue?
...because they couldn't see eye to eye.