h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I put my phone on vibrate. An hour later I finally got a text massage.

A postal worker was always stamping her feet whenever they would letter.

Bob who had long hair he was sponsored to have a bob haircut (women's hairstyle) to raise money for endangered bobcats.

If you tilt a grand piano 90 degrees, can you that it's downright upright?

I dug peat again and again. They named me Peat Repeat

Nosfera's twin was Nosferatoo.

Grandpa Stonebender's two headed twin and Grandpa Stonebender's three headed twin were both Grandpa Stonebenders.

Most people constantly mistake the two for one another.

The Stone Family of Rawling were known as the Rawling Stones.

I speared my face with a hornI tried washing in a bison

I never ask for buffalo wings when I ride in an airplane.

My friend is a Mensa member and a seamstress - she's a clever sew and sew.

Nobody listens to Bugs Bunny, its all haresay.

I applied for a position at the hair-replacement company because I heard there was growth potential.

On organic farms they till it like it is.

A grizzly's grandparents are his forebears.

There used to be little snow patches outside my house after a snowstorm. Whenever the sun came out, they had a melt down.

I'm competing for that stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.

When I asked how the became ditch-diggers, they said they just fell into it.

When Peter Pan spoke to Captain Hook he made an off-hand comment.

That soil scientist always travels by himself. She's a loam ranger.