h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Ma Chao sommersaults over a tent, impaling another Orc as he lands. An Orc archer runs out, and takes aim...*
[Ma Chao] Aero!
*The Orc is blasted backwards, and lands on a spear propped against the wall. Ma Chao turns to Furr.*
[Ma Chao] I'm a Dragoon, what's your story?

[Furr]

:: Springs low into the back of a fourth bewildered Orc, reaching forward and raking his claws across its belly, spilling entrails onto the ground. He immediately somersaults into the air away from the slashing blade of another Orc, landing beside Lampwick. ::

Worth the prisse of admission, Henchman?

:: He bounds back into the fray. ::

Ai have learned the waiys of the Dragoon, also. Most enjeoyable waiy to battle.

:: Stands at Ma Chao's shoulder momentarily, slashing the face off a fifth Orc. ::

[/Furr]

*Ma Chao spins his spear expertly, decapitating another Orc. He swings the spear over Furr's right shoulder, punching through the face of another Orc.*
[Ma Chao] This is easy so far, but when they get their act together, we'll be in trouble! Maybe I shouldn't have been so headstrong...
*Six Orcs approach and surround the Dragoons. Ma Chao turns to face Furr, and as one they say;"
[Ma Chao & Furr] Nah!
*They leap as one, back into the fray...*

[Furr]

:: Dodges a spear thrust at him, imbedding his claws in the haft and pulling the Orc at the other end into his personal space. He swiftly velvets his paws (releasing the spear), grabs the Orc by the head, pulls him even closer and bites it in the throat. He turns to face Ma Chao with a dripping red grin. ::

This could beocome addictive…

:: From his left, an unattended Orc thrusts a spear into his side. Furr roars in fury, twists himself loose, springs low, catches the Orc in the shins, bowls it over, moves quickly up along the prone form raking his claws straight up its abdomen, spewing blood and bile everywhere. He continues on into the underbrush just at the edge of the camp and disappears. A wailing howl fills the forest from an as yet unascertained direction. ::

[/Furr]

[Furr]

:: Just as suddenly as the howl started, it ceases. There is an unearthly quiet, other than the clashing and clanging of weapons and the ragged breathing of the competitors. ::

[/Furr]

[Ma Chao] That can't be good...

[OOC]

Not deadly, but not good.

I must go back to work. Leave some more 'victims' for me later...

[/OOC]

~A huge 8 foot orc champion roars loudly, rallying the survivors around him. His roar is cut short by a crossbow bolt, fired from the treeline, in through his open mouth, killing him instantly.~

[Eric] Sorry about the delay. An orc scout party was returning that had to be delt with in a terminal fasion. I see you and Furr have taken care of things here. Do you think he'll need this phenonx down?

[Furr]

:: The remnants of the Orc band stand clustered together, backing each other up, seemingly in a quandry over fight or flight. A thin lasso whips out of the foliage, encircles the Orcs and is drawn tight before they can react, pinning their limbs to their sides. Furr Purrfikt steps out of the tree line, cinching the rope tighter around the squirming and cursing band of Orcs. ::

Yeou feoul ones will NOT trouble us more, do yeou underrstand?

:: The Orcs form an unspoken consensus and several voice their assent. ::

Neow, sset down the remainderr of yeour armamentss!

:: Swords and shields clatter to the ground at their feet. ::

Lampwick! Take these crreatures into yonderr tent and bind them morre securrely...

:: As the Orcs are turned and shepherded into the tent, the strain of maintaining the facade becomes evident on the Cat. He wavers as if deciding where to turn next, then suddenly falls to one knee and hunches over, his breath coming in suddering gasps. ::

Frriendss... Ai feel...not well... Perrhapss that errant spearr...has done morre harrm...than Ai had...imagined...

:: He collapses onto the ground. He looks up into the eyes of the humans about him. ::

It seemss...my existence on thiss plane...causes me to be...morre frragile...

:: He drifts off into unconciousness. ::

[/Furr]

[Ribald] [shrugs] Beats school.

O.K, so how do I use this pheniox down?
Or do I wait till he turns into a crystal?

[Lampwick] Well, duh. You bring up the menu using the {Triangle} button, then select "Items" at the top using the {Circle} button. Scroll down with the {Directional Pad} until you see "Phoenix Down", select it, then when the list of characters comes up, select Furr.

[Ribald] How about you just open the container over him?

[Lampwick] That works, too.

[Ma Chao] What's in the box? Do we have time to mess around while Furr's dying!?

[Ribald] Dunno. You just open it and this red glow appears and revives 'em.

*Opens the container. A red glow spills out and revives Furr.*
[Ma Chao] You alright?


[Sephiroth] We cannot allow this to continue...
[Kuja] Too right. They're ripping off the FF series, especially that Lampwick...
[Kain] What's a {Triangle} button? They didn't have them in my time...
[Kefka] What!? You got re-done for PSX in FF Anthology!
[Kain] Oh yeah...
[Sephiroth] ANYWAY. We need to do something about them...
[Kain] Let me!
[Kuja] Yes, but who?
[Kain] Me! Me!
[Sephiroth] Okay, but only if you can beat me in a jumping competition.
[Kain] Ha! Idiot. I'm a Dragoon!
*There is a SMASH! and plaster dust floats down as Kain slams into the celing.*
[Sephiroth] Thankyou. Now, might I suggest a WEAPON?
[X-Death] Like Ruby, Emerald and Ultima?
[Sephiroth] Exactly.
[Jenova] NO!
[Sephiroth] What? Why not Mother?
[Jenova] YOU REMEMBER THE STATE OF YOUR ROOM LAST TIME THEY CAME AROUND!? NO WEAPONS!!
[Sephiroth] But mother...
[Jenova] NO!!
[X-Death] Busted, Sephiroth.
[Sephiroth] Oh shut up.

Lampwick isn't ripping of FF! /I/ am! Lampwick's just breaking the Fourth Wall!

[Furr]

:: Raises himself up on his elbows, still lying on the ground, blinks several times as if the shapes before him are only gradually becoming distinct. ::

I hope Ai have not misssed any of the action... Urrrr... That sspearr could have been the death of mew. Whom do Ai thank forr rousing mew back to life?

:: Struggles to gain his paws, wobbles for a fraction of a second, then seems to regain his stamina. He rises and draws a deep breath and a low rumble emanates from his furry chest. ::

It is strange the vissions Ai had after maiy fall. There were strange glowing creaturres, dresssed oddly. They had overrly larrge headss forr the size of their bodiess, and brrandisshed awessome weaponss... Wass Ai deliriouss?

[/Furr]

B4ifightagain

[Furr]

Sspeaking of weaponss... Hass anyone checked on the captivess to see what all they werre arrmed with?

:: Quickly scans the area and then gruffly shouts-- ::

Lampwick! Wherre arre you, Henchman?! Did you securre those Orcss so they would not causse trrouble? Did you ssearch them for other items of imporrtance?

:: His eyes flash briefly in the sunlight filtering down into the glade as he makes eye contact with each member of the party. ::

What purrpose do yeou suppose these Orcss have in jeourneying so closse to Galyana at the ssame time the Black Legiown desscends upon that fairr city? Rrandom chance, or schemess within schemess?

[/Furr]

Fleeing the black legions?

I certainly haven't seen any co-operation between them

[Ma Chao] I wonder... Orcs might work with the Black Legion, if they thought it to their advantage...