h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Nanoc] Ahhh!! *glub, cough* Yo-o baahsta-aahd!!

* Azrael watches silently for a moment. *

[Azrael] We're wasting time.

[[Sleep]]


Learned that one from Raistlin.


* Nanoc promptly falls asleep, and Azrael sheaths his sword and mounts his steed. *

[Azrael] Not very dramatic, I guess, but it works.

[Lampwick has finished picking the loot back up; Ribald et al resome their perch atop him]

[Ribald] Forward, Lampwick!

[They move forward. Fast.]

Later that day, the sun begins to set as the party reaches the edge of the Wastelands. The lush hills turn into lush meadows, which in turn become sand and rock rather abruptly ahead.


[Azrael] I never really liked this place. It's not like any desert I ever saw. Anyway.. There's a brook over there. I'll have to water my horse before we continue.

* He unmounts and begins to lead his black steed to the brook. *

Sheesh... I can't keep up... don't mind me, I'd like to play more, but I miss things. I didn't get to check my email until half past midnight today. Just assume that Indy and Flossy are actually here, if I don't say anything contrary, since it probably means I haven't gotten around to turning on my computer.

[Ribald] Right. I think we all ought to rest here for the night. Lampwick, get the gear ready.

[Lampwick sets up three tents, a campfire, and dinner.]

* Azrael returns, having watered his horse, and sees the tents. *

[Azrael] What's going on? *sigh* I'm ~sorry~ if I wasn't being ~clear~, but I'd prefer to cross ~now~ and avoid the ~extreme~ heat of the Wasteland sun.


Yeah, Azrael's being an asshole. He's such a jerk. I mean, he could have told you before, but nooo... He prefers not to talk at all.

[Ribald] [to Azrael] I know. [to Lampwick] Okay, pick everything back up!

[Lampwick does so]

* Azrael tries unsuccessfully to hide a puzzled look, and then mounts the black steed. *

[Azrael] Ok, let's go.

He was making Lampwick work for the sake of overworking him.

Ok. Azrael doesn't understand this henchman thing at all.




* They continue, the crescent moon lighting their path. In the distance, far beyond the dunes and the occasional rock, a jagged mountain range rises slowly to meet the night sky as they make their way across the Wastelands. *

[Azrael] We're making good time!

* When they're half-way up a rather large dune, a sudden flurry of sand and noise causes Azrael's horse to jump in fear and throw Azrael off. It proceeds to fall over and roll down the dune, nearly crushing the assassin mage. As Azrael manages to stand up, the small sand storm has died down, and in its place stands a small army of sand and stone golems, their eyes gleaming red. Azrael draws his sword. *

[Azrael] S**t. That water thing of yours might be a good idea right now, Ribald!

[[Tsunami]]

[Ribald summons Leviathan with his Magicite shard again. Leviathan makes them all wet with his tidal wave.]

I had no idea that they don't allow the word sht here.


* The sand golems dissolve completely, while the stone golems seem to be completely unaffected by the tidal wave. *

[Azrael] Ok...

* As he raises his dark blade, it catches the moonlight and is enveloped by dark red flames once again. He charges surprisingly fast up the dune, jumps into the air and slices a golem in two, anime style. He then dodges several swinging stone arms and withdraws. *

[Ribald] Um ... hang on, let me check my Esper notes ... I've got it! I've summoned Leviathan often enough to learn some spells! (Three, to be precise.) Er ... here goes!

[[Ice]]

[The golems are hit with magic energy that lowers the air immediately around them to -40 degreec C for about five seconds.]

[Ribald] ...

Hmm... That tsunami thing. Was that salt water by any chance?

What am I thinking? It doesn't matter.


* The golems explode, sending pieces of rock flying everywhere. Azrael ducks, and a rock misses him by less than an inch. When everything seems to have calmed down, he stands up. *

[Azrael] What was ~that~?!

[Ribald] Um ... the Ice spell. It's Ice-based, and ... um ...

Well, Azrael's not a scientist, so he has no idea that water expands when frozen.


[Azrael] Huh. Well, whatever it was, it got rid of them.

* He sheaths his sword, helps his horse get up and mounts it. *

[Azrael] Ok, let's go.

[Ribald] Right. Forward, Lampwick!

[Lampwick continues to move forward]

* Azrael is a bit peckish. He gets some dried meat from a saddlebag and eats it while the journey progresses. He glances up at the crescent moon. *



* After a while, a noise catches his attention. There's definitely someone or something up ahead. The chanting is too loud to miss. *

[Hollow Voice] There they are!

* A white and extremely hot fireball melts the sand a few feet from Azrael's horse, which becomes a bit jittery to say the very least. *

[Azrael] What the..! Why is everyone attacking ~me~ now?!

* A group of seven necromancers appears on the crest of a dune up ahead. *

[Necromancer] Many have died out here. We thought you might want to join them. We even arranged a welcome party. *evil laughter*

* They vanish and are replaced by the groans and stench of the undead. The adventurers find themselves surrounded by zombies and skeletons, some of them slipping, falling and breaking to pieces on the glassy spot. Others are so dangerously close that the heroes can almost smell their putrid breath. *

[Azrael] Crap. I hate zombies.

[Ribald] Don't worry. One of the spells I learned from Leviathan was "Revive" which revives fallen allies and kills undead creatures! Heh heh heh ...

[[Revive]]

[One of the zombies is surrounded by a pale golden glow. It collapses in a heap.]

[[Revive]]

[One of the skeletons dies.]

[Ribald] Wait -- I also learned "Fire" which zombies are weak against.

[[Fire]]

[Ribald throws a fireball at each of the undead beings. It is half as effective as it would be if used on just one death form.]