h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Never trust someone who twirls their moustache.
Particularly, never trust a woman who twirls their moustache.

(Moustache twirling is a stereotypical sign of villainy because they teach it at villian-school.)

Never trust a man with an eye either side of his nose.

Pedantics. And absoulutists.

sic

Never trust a man who wears more hairspray than you...if you're a woman

Never trust a man who does'nt like dogs

Never trust a man with egg on his face

Never trust a bald man who makes jokes about his bald head.

Anyone who says "Trust me i'm a doctor"

Never trust the media

Never trust anyone who offers you an apple...

Eve and Snow White both regretted that!

Never trust someone who tells you you've just won a lot of money..

Never trust anyone, when you've just told them about how you've just won a lot of money.

Never trust xenophobics

Never trust dyslexics

Never trust people in management who smile a lot. They're after something.

Never trust people in Management.

Never trust any information released to the media by The military.
Most of it is the stuff THEY want you to hear, not the bad stuff that really actaully happens that will never get released and causes people to have breakdowns after the nasty things they've seen.

But like The Murphys, I'm not bitter.

GITS!!!!!!
I want my 6 yrs back!
And to not be covered by that ****ing official secrets act so we can spill the beans about the A10 tank buster incident PLEASE!
and that shelter bombing cover-up by saddam.
and the whole thing about the kurds.
and all the stuff that dead bosnian guy got away with.

piqued your interest have we?
shame i can't fill in the blanks.

I wish this was on the Corrupt-a-wish list so that I could grant it.

Never trust anyone who has a fascination for tupperware (or similar sealable plastic containers.

My mother..