h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No comment....

> This man may be the leader of the most powerful nation tomorrow.
> He has used his passport 4 times. Let us pray.
>
> 
> "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
> George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and
> child."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same
> distance
> from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there
> are
> canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is
> oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 8/11/94
>
> "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in
> this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in
> this century."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/15/95
>
> "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
> democracy
> - but that could change."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 5/22/98
>
> "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that
> one
> word is 'to be prepared'."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 12/6/93
>
> "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 11/30/96
>
> "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgements in
> the
> future."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "The future will be better tomorrow."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/21/97
>
> "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and
> have
> a tremendous impact on history."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr. to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93
>
> "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm
> commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "Public speaking is very easy."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr. to reporters in 10/9
>
> "I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican"
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my
> answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The
> rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are
> to
> blame.
> George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having
> it."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 5/20/96
>
> "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/22/97
>
> "For NASA, space is still a high priority."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/5/93
>
> "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/18/95
>
> "The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George
> Bush may or may not make."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the
> mistakes we may or may not have made."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
> our air and water that are doing it."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
>
> "[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
> Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

That's great, now do Al Gore.
Those should be more abundant and funnier!

Al Gore gave a big speech recently about how his faith is so "important" to him. In this attempt to convince the American people that we should consider him for President, he announced that his favorite Bible verse is John 16:3. Of course the speech writer meant John 3:16, but nobody in the Gore camp was familiar enough with scripture to catch the error. And do you know what John 16:3 says?

John 16:3 says, "AND THESE THINGS THEY WILL DO UNTO YOU BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOT KNOWN THE FATHER, NOR ME."

The Holy Spirit works in strange ways and has a great sense of humor!

Its not nice to talk that way about the man (Al Gore) who says that he invented the internet..

I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:

1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and, of course, Juanita Broaddrick, who told NBC that you raped her. Are there any others that we should know about?

2. Thank you for teaching my 8-year-old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until he was about 10 or so to discuss it with him, but now he knows more about it than I did as a senior in college. The cigar thing was also neat for the kids.

3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "IS" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex. Monica said frequently while you were on the telephone, she would work at one end and you at the other. What productivity!

4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag The Dog" could be plausible after all. The people of the Sudan, Afghanistan and Serbia are all running to rent the video, now that you made them part of the story.

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.

6. Thank you for the 72 House and Senate witnesses who have pleaded the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democrat campaign fund raising.

7. Thank you for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.

8. Thanks for remembering the families of many deceased people who once were your friends, who served you and died so young and suddenly: Vince Foster, Jerry Parks, Ron Brown, Admiral Boorda, Les Aspin, Barbara Alice Wiese, Mary Mahoney, Jim McDougal et al.

9. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy and for providing no real missile defense system for the American people. Thank you for sharing with our Chinese friends all of our nuclear weapon designs, the supercomputer technology to build such weapons, the ballistic missile technology so they can have more accurate missiles, and the encryption technology so they can keep it all secret too.

10. You are amazing visiting all those countries! Thank you for flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips. It's wonderful, too, how you have surpassed every other president in the size of your entourage on these trips: 75 jumbo jets, 2000 guests to China alone. Your Africa entourage also was remarkable and it was nice of you to bring Betty Currie. She needed a break from testifying before the grand jury.

Some of those Bush quotes sound familiar. Are you sure they're not Dan Quayle's?

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How interesting it is that someone who is not American can see what Clinton actually did as a leader and how corrupt our system of government is? I guess we Americans are easily swayed by they media and the like. And by the way, I thought this dicussion was supposed to concern George "dubyah" Bush.

Oh no! the Curse of the Drifting Topic again!

oh! we are shamed once again by the wealth of intelligence out there regarding our own government when we pay so little attention to yours. thank you for defending the democratic party so eloquently.

as for all the other thank-yous going around, isn't it sad that the republicans can throw so much more dirt than the democrats? we've been spending so much time doing our own jobs correctly and to the best of our abilities that we simply don't have the time to dig through your trash. how sad for you (republicans) that you're so incompetent that the only thing you can do to make your party look good is find things to make others look bad. God - but i hate mud-slinging.

and so scary to think that dubya will probably be representing us for the next four years *shudder*

We will shortly be beginning a thank-you list of our own, if Bush accedes. Starting with "Thank you for sending your friends to drill for oil in Alaska's so-far-preserved pristine wilderness."

He may well have won the election -- the counting isn't finished -- but I think it is hubris on his part to be assembling a "transition team" already.

But it cheered me up to read those exemplary quotations. Dubya clearly does have a problem with his subliminable memory.

I remember reading that people get the politicians they deserve. I don't know if it's actually true, but America seems to be on the verge of electing a turd.
Clinton, for all his failings, actually turned America's economy round after the devastation of Reagan/Bush and their pointless military spending which sent the country spiralling into debt. If you wanted to praise Clinton, you could also point to improvements in the welfare system, better healthcare for people who can't afford private insurance, better representation of minorities and a small tightening of the gun laws. In every one of these areas, he didn't go far enough. But you can be sure that the new Bush will repeal as many of these improvements as he can. As well as changing the curriculum to teach creationism as either history or a science, relaxing gun laws so more kids can shoot up their schools, reducing spending on welfare (thus making crime more inevitable).

Anyway, I'll stop now as I know really long posts tend to get ignored.

Excuse me a moment...
*holds up a card with http://www.h2g2.com/A218819 written on it*
Thank you, carry on.

I don't even know why I'm responding to this.

Very little of what you mentioned had anything to do with Clinton. He has had his hands tied by a republican Congress for 6 years. He took republican issues and put a little liberal spin on them.

The economy is the result of American industry and the American people succeeding with a little help from the fed. Clinton has been riding the waive, and Congress has been keeping him vrom screwing it up.

I'd be happy to let him keep the credit for the gun control though. The republicans have been far too weak in letting these gun laws get out of hand.

That's perilously close to what St Tony has done in the UK. He's taken the overall Conservative agenda of controlling public spending, but tempered its worst excesses.

For example, our health system was becoming an international embarrassment because the Tories would rather give tax cuts than spend money on hospitals. This priority has been changed, to the satisfaction of just about everybody.

But it's done within an overall tax regime which leaves UK taxes amongst the lowest in Europe.

So centre-right policies with a little liberal gloss to humanise them is probably a good thing

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Interesting how many of those alleged Al Gore quotes are identical to the alleged George W Bush quotes at the top of the page. Great minds think alike, obviously.

Great minds and politicians, LOL, ins't that an oxymoron?

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Great minds and politicians?

George W. Bush on CNN promised to disclose fully what the goverment knows about UFOs.

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