h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't assume that the people in a foreign country don't understand English (and vice versa : I've just totally flummoxed a group of students by commenting on something they were discussing in Cantonese)

If somebody has sent you directions, don't leave them behind. (I did that this morning and I have an interview this afternoon. Fortunately, Richard left for work after I did and faxed them to me. Bless him!)

Bitmaps don't travel well by fax, especially if blurred to start with.

No two shops have the same idea of what a UK size 16 is (or any other dress size, for that matter). This also applies to waist sizes and trouser leg lengths, so the men suffer too!

I was always told, 'never trust a man who doesn't drink'. I have generally found this advice to be fairly accurate. (I do hope I haven't offended any of the teetotallers out there!!).

I agree. But I didn't learn it the hard way. Did you?

Test the backup tape before you send it from Warsaw to Dublin by courier (sigh).

When driving and pulling out from a junction, NEVER believe the passenger when he/she says "it's all clear". I was taking an old lady shopping and at the junction she chirped in with "it's all clear" as I cautiously checked for myself and car shot past at which she exclaimed "Oh, I didn't see that one!!"

P.S. Please excuse the typing errors - I've got brain addle today!!

"flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing

Where cows have walked, the bog will be softest.

that I'm no good at hockey or any sports, and I can't ski or skate. I didn't exactly break my legs, but I experienced a great deal of humiliation and exasperation.

Operating heavy machinery after drinking some Nyquil.

if you're going away for a couple of months, unsubscribe from your mailing lists!

Hello friends. Did you learn anything else in the last year? I would like to offer "Do not take work home with you" especially if you need it for an important meeting tomoroow. Be aware that "the dog ate my homework" is not the worst thing that can happen to it

Do not voluntarily enter re-education. Not even if you think it will be interesting.

That needles don't hurt.

How to revise.

In fact, I'm learning that now... and it is hard.

The rudest song in "South Park: bigger, longer, uncut" is hopelessly addictive and is easy to sing out loud if you forget yourself.

When you are in a group of devout Christians, the first thing out of your mouth in a crisis will bge a stream of blasphemy.

Just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.

If something is signed out in your name and a collegue asks to borrow it, the item will then become lost seconds after leaving your desk.

If someone asks you for your truthful opinion, always, ALWAYS ask them if they *really* mean it before you give your answer.

Never buy a car because it looks good. Take someone who knows about cars with you.

I have learnt in the past year that you cannot trust anyone......particularly the people who say "it's ok, you can trust me". Also go with your first instinct - it's usually right.

People would rather complain endlessly about a bad situation than take the necessary steps to correct it.