h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Check you have shoes on first. My Grandfather went to a posh dinner and only when he got there did he realise he still had his slippers on

You,too,huh? Because a pair of black court shoes fit me so well I bought a second pair exactly the same in very dark brownish purple and at 8.30 one morning looked down at my feet during the rush hour....

Don't turn up to your first driving test hungover and shattered having only had 4 hours' drunken sleep the night before.

Don't just nod and say 'yes' (or make any similar confirmatory noises) if you are unsure of what has just been said. You never know what you've just agreed to.

Flush it before you fill it...just to be sure that the flush works.

That's extremely wasteful.

Buy condoms.

Weird. I had always seen Wandrin' gurustar as the Lee Marvin type, for obvious reasons. I am having a lot of trouble marrying that with the idea of wearing black court shoes

But your right. This "these shoes are so great, I'll buy them in another colour!" idea should carry a Fashion Warning.

Just like Duncans last but in Finnish circumstances:

If the stove in the sauna by the sea consists two parts
1) a fireplace made of steel, and;
2) a funnel made of latten brass
the stove does not survive more than 10 months. Even though it had a guarantee of ten YEARS.

What to learn: Check out and minimise diffrence of electropotentials of different metals you are going to mount together in the humid place. And if that is not possible to do, get some less noble metal (e.g. zinc) and mount it to sacrifice over the important parts (That's what they do in big ferries).

Being sarcastic is not the same as being affectionate...

You can't drink as much red wine as you can beer...

You can, however, have too much orange juice...

Check the hesitant car in front of you at the roundabout has pulled away onto the 50mph dual carriageway before you join the road at speed...

If in doubt, park in a *big* space...

Don't expect to put the headed paper in the printer the right way 'round...

The further away the printer, the more likely there will be a mistake in your letter...

Don't believe your workmates when they tell you the Spanish woman in front of you has just joined and doesn't speak a word of English and will you please look after her...she speaks perfectly good English and is laughing at your Spanish...

Bit specific that one?

A

Oooh, and on Duncan's note, check that there is water coming out of the tap in the toilet on the train *before* you put the soap on your hands...

Sorry...how dull is that?

A

-Telling the world & his uncle that you don't believe in pain killers during childbirth, and then changing your mind just before the pushing starts is a BAD IDEA. Doubleplusouch.

- When copying multi-sized dress patterns, and using very very expensive material, if you don't check the size of each piece 57 times, then get someone else to check them for you: you're going to regret it very much if you only ever sew things on the day you plan to wear them......

Wow! I never thought a knowledge of the elctropotentials of metals would be needed in the design of saunas!

Never put a kettle full of boiling water on a sloping surface, at least not without standing well back.

Never, never just fling the garden fork into the ground beside you.

Never shove a glass door open by pushing the glass.

Never leave for the airport by train without a backup plan.

And I'd like to second the advice about checking shoes, both that they're not slippers and that they match .

*never expect more from someone else then you would want or expect of your self

*Never take a big sip of frshly brewed coffee, it really does burn

*always check what your wearing pants BEFORE answering the door bell (yes I have answered the door half dressed)

Boy, this forum is starting to make me feel pretty good about myself!!!

I have another one!!!

...Make sure you have the emergency break OFF before you try to start driving your car.

That has got to be one of the best I've heard Dragonfly.

Tee hee hee...

Well, I am leanring to drive, you see...

::SCRAPE, putt putt...::

At least it is my own car...

Here's one to go along with Courtney's:

Make sure your robe is properly sinched before answering the door.

*Last week I flashed my mail-person.*

I think flashing the mail-man is one of the benefits about being a postal worker. They probably use it when hiring people, as compensation to the low wages

I also love these kind of things, make my life seem so much better. Is there a forum somwhere about really embarrasing experiences that I can read?

I thought I saw one a while but I don't recall the subject or where it was. Why dont you start a new one?

On leaving the 'Ladies', always check you haven't tucked the back of your skirt into your tights BEFORE returning to your seat in the restaurant.

Check there is loo paper in the loo before the point of not return....

Never try applying your lipstick without a mirror.

Avoid choosing spaghetti when you're out on a date with someone you want to impress.

On a more serious note - When someone tells you that all they want is 'the truth' , for God's sake don't tell them, for it's actually the last thing they want to hear.