h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Apparently the ASA has ordered Clarins to stop claiming that their product can protect against electromagnetic radiation.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6947220.stm

Damn! Was looking forward to laughing at that.

Wonder what the hell it's made of then if it shields against microwaves? Spray-on alluminium foil or steel mesh? Whatever it is, it's probably not very good for your skin

Probably lead based and topically, made in China.

I just realised that one advert that beggars belief is for finance.
This woman who has obviously taken a triple dose of tranquilisers drifts through her house arranging a loan over the phone.
Her husband is probably just as stoned as he crashes into things like the kids' scooter.
Little does the poor fool know that his spouse is doubling their debt and extending the loan term to life, or near enough.

Ah, yes, "Josh, dad's found your scooter", well I hate it too.
By the way, they seem to only have the one annoying child, which explains a lot.

The new sports channel (Sounds like Santana, Sultana or banana) with Des Lynum and grouchy girl annoys the heck outta me.

Haven't seen that one yet thankfully.
One thing that strikes me is how many adverts are copies of music videos. That's just lazy.

Cover your skin in chemicals and goo,
"because you're worth it."

Of course

I'm still liking the squeezy yoghurt drink with more calcium than the comparable leading brand (small print - compared to the previous type of the same product. Presumeably before they added extra calcium!)

Is that the one that combats bloating?
When did advertising get so lavatorial?
"You look uncomfortable, what's wrong?"
"I've got hard stools."
Information overload!
............
(I've got hard chairs but I don't go telling everyone)

The BT phone ads! Doesn't matter which one!

No no, it's for a kids yog thingy... Ad has a large fluffy red thing being bumped about by running children...

*All* the ads for claiming compensation after an accident...

Talking of health drinks ads, I saw these two in succession a couple of nights ago:

Dettol - your chopping board contains X-squillion-times more bacteria than your toilet seat (yeah, but, only friendly ones I guess, I've never caught dysentry from a chopping board). But that's OK as Dettol kills 99% of them.

Actimel yoghurty thing (scientifically proven to "make you feel better" or some other unscientifically subjective and unprovable claim) - contains X-squillion friendly bacteria, because, presumably, you're not getting enough after disinfecting your chopping board.

So if you eat something off your toilet seat it's ok just swallow some Dettol afterwards.
I agree about those BT ads, something creepy is going on there.
Why won't the son look up and make eye contact?
Someone is abusing him, question is, who?

His schoolteacher.

But he cant talk to his 'new' dad cos he's so young and awkward himself... And his mum is so wrapped up in her broadband (obviously on hootoo) that she's pretty much disappeared... And his sister's grounded cos she made such a mess with the toys after they wer so carefully tidied up so he cant get into her room to see her without a good excuse (like her bread and water...)

Ads for hair products...

They find traces of some unknown component which does absolutely nothing and tag it with a name that sounds like something real.

...Now with added 'Diedurhair' enhanced with 'Chromostay' for that perfect colour finish.

Yuk! Yuk! Yuk!
Here's to baldness.

Could well be.......
...oooh,oh,oh. Sister!!! that's what's going on,
sister is being abused.
Question is, by who?
New dad perhaps?

The AA advert. It seems apparent that a lift is a regular occurence yet it's only a road away from home, unless they're in some sonic car that accelerates instantly to 50mph, then it's lazy and unplausable.

?@+*$% kills ninety-nine per cent of household germs, DEAD!


How else is anything once killed but dead, or do they kill germs alive?

... and don't you just love ?

"My name's Billy Biggob and I'm going to shout at you all the way through this bloody advert. If that doesn't piss you off... I've failed"



I'm sorry but I seem to have done a Victor Meldrew! Bless him for he shall inherit the spokesperson's chair for all grumpy old gits. I admit having paid subs to join.

There is too much shouting in adverts. One bad offender is Karl "I haven't had a job since Brush Strokes" Howman.

Maybe they think we're deaf? Eh?