h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How about Swinebird 'flu?
.
It sounds kind of right and covers all eventualities, I am a poet, and I don't know it!
....I blame, well you know who by now...

Or even 2-legged feathered pig flu

(testing for antidote qualities)

So apon my bacon I choke
wish they'd find an antidote,
how I hate piggy flu

Its all in the news
makes me want to turn to booze
How I hate piggy flu

we're all going to die
It makes me want to cry
how I hate piggy flu

It started down in mexico
mamkes you wonder how they know
How I hate piggy flu

I want to eat a bacon roll
admitidly not much of a life-goal
How I hate piggy flu

it started with some viral evolution
if only the scientists could find a solution
How I hate piggy flu
Man flue isn't quite half as bad
A fact that makes me sad
How I hate piggy flu

if only they'd find an antidote
Before on my bacon I choke
how I hate piggy flu

I want a nice pork chop
but am scared just incase I drop
how I hate piggy flu

Sadly I listen to the sausages sizzle
sick piggies really just so dizmal
how I hate piggy flu

This could go on for an age
but all I want is pork roasted with sage
How I hate piggy flu

how about a pork stir fry
well, if the pigs got to die
how I hate piggy flu

I do hope there isn't much more of this
the pigs are just taking the piss
How I hate piggy flu

entering the last verse now
god no please don't let it affect the poor cow
How I hate piggy flu

2legs

But maybe think of changing 'Mexico' to 'Meckico' It's a bit funnier I think, (funny ha ha that is)

I was thinking* mekico but c couldn't spel it

The cows got mad
The birds got flu
an' now the damn pigs are in on the act too

...down meckico way

(actually I'm a bit scared if I'm honest....the WHO have just raised the level to 5...6 is defo a full blown pandemic).

Oh woops, I blame 2legs for this

It's the flu for g*d's sake. Flu's been around for...well like forever,
and yes people do get very ill with it and some people do die. but.
pandemic is a perfect soundbite for politicians, great for the six o'clock
news and sells newspapers.
All thanks to 2legs

I'm being blamed for the possible pandemic now


I mean

But you've NOT been blamed for people choking on peanuts!

(wonder what the worldwide statistics are for that! I blame 2legs for such statistics not being easily available)

over 20% of people who've chocked on peanuts are survivers from deathstorm 08 and will be infected with piggy flu by the time they next chocke on a peanut; But bacon related injury's count for the highest percentage of deaths worlwide when compaired to all diseases ...

I blame 2legs for wildly inaccurate statistics

Hold on a minute......

Does that bacon statistic included the severely rashered and/or saucily sausaged ?

i blame you for not being clear and leading the international community astray.

I blame 2legs that 100% of people that ate in the 1800s are dead! And yet you can still buy with no restrictions

I also blame him that I actually remember that from something I read over 10 years ago. It's his fault I can't remember what medium it was in!

Ten years ago?
It was on stone tablets for sure....

I blame 2legs for suddenly thinking about about the absolute hell of 'flu. I have had it once in my life...and it's NOT some woosy thing like a cold that some people call it. Luckily I had a stash of distalgesiscs left over from a bout of tonsilitis. How I'd have coped otherwise I don't know. I'm suddenly scared...and blaming 2legs severely.

Effers, you don't want to get too paranoid about the piggy 'flu, only a few in uk who went to Mexico have got it and only mildly. You would have to be snogging one of them to be at serious risk of a touch of piggy 'flu!

I agree SS. But these things are exponential. ie 1 and 1 makes 2, 2 and 2 makes 4....but before you know it it's millions....sorry to be scare mongering but I'm trying not to think about such ideas

I'm seriously thinking of getting a face mask.

Effers, a face mask won't help you. They don't protect against virus particles which a wee li'l buggers that passes through.

The most efficient way to minimize spread is sneeze and cough into a clean tissue and throw it in the bin right after. WASH YOUR HANDS!!! Sorry for yelling, but washing hands is the most efficient way of preventing spreading of most contagious diseases.

and

- after all life is a 100% lethal condition - which of course is 2legs fault.