h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

90% of dog food and 75% of cat food is made from snails....

People feed dog food to vibrating snails? A tin must last a very long time, what with such tiny portions.

A single snail is able to eat ten thousand times its own body weight in dog food in a 24 hour period... Potentially more if its doing a lot of vibrating....

A single Springer Spaniel can snatch a snail off the garden wall without breaking step. Crunch, next

Well, they do say that its a dog eat (vibrating) snail world. Or something like that.


Geggs

They spit slugs out, no crunch and too much slime. Very picky my

Snails are just better, as they've got that crunch, to give them a nice Al Dente texture... its all about mouth feel, well its about taste too I guess...

Snails would be high cuisine for my dog. His tastes run more to pecan shell, cat droppings and used cotton swabs. Slugs would be a step up. DIRT would be a step up!

McDonalds would be a step... hmmm... down....

McDonald's is a step down from dessicated mulch, ... just my opinion, of course. I am not a vibrating snail.

I'd have to agree.... an entire global company who's sole purpose is to make beef burgers in rolls; they've been doing it for years, have millions of pounds behind them for R&D etc... and I can still make a better burger in a roll at home using cheap frozen mince... Quite how they do it so badly must in itself have taken a lot of practise ooo not had a burger in ages.... I think I may have changed my mind what I'll be doing with my bacon this lulnchtime ooo bacon cheese burgers... best get some mince out of the freezer

Hand-made bacon and cheeseburges are ALWAYS a fine a idea ... But don't forget some teeny ones for the snails, vibrating and other sorts.

I can make some tiny ones and put them out on the balcony table for the snails spread the love with bacon cheese burgers

I'll put the on standbye to go snail hunting. Fetch, sit, good girl, thank you, NO don't swallow, drat. Try again, move along please this could take some time.

We had a bacon burger feast,
out on the table on the balcony,
just me and my vibrating friends and the bacon burgers, naturally.
Six thousand vibrating snails, a symphany
All tuck in all tuck in
vibrations of snails eating so hungerly,
all tuck in all tuck in
All eaten too much, snails sleeping peacefully...