h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So you get vehicles out of the petrol pump.

Petroleum in its most pleasing form must be Vaseline.

I worry for you TC.

During my stay on the planet, I don't think I have ever heard a real live person say, seriously, 'garage' to rhyme with barge. If I ever do, I have a litle black book, and come the revolution.....

It is pronounced in that way only to denote a characterisation (As in Hyacinth Bucket) of pretension.

No. You get petrol out of a petrol pump. Vehicles come out of the diesel pump.

I always understood that 'petrol' was short for 'petroleum spirit' or 'petroleum distillate', i.e. something that has been distilled from petroleum.

Vaseline also has bad potential. Have you aver kissed anyone who puts it on their lips? Yeuchh!

It's gotto be better than putting petrol on your lips. Gross!

If there's another fuel shortage, would my car get far on vaseline?

No, K, please pay attention.

Your vaseline goes on your lips, or your baby's bottom, or any other chapped (or likely to be chapped) part of your, or your baby's anatomy. I have heard of other uses, concerned with anatomy, but these are not depths to delve here.

The phrase 'Gettagripmate' comes into play here. When kissing vaselined lips, your chap (not the chap that causes chapping - although I suppose he might, if he got carried away!)(Nor the chap that cowboys wear on their leg, although I suppose...) is liable to slip and slide all over the place. The young lady may then yell in his ear "Oi, gettagripmate".

The only place on a car that will benefit from vaseline is the battery contacts. A good coating of vaseline will keep them dry and protected, whilst allowing the electricity to flow (a bit like lips really, provided they are kept closed)

Right (puts down hammer after nailing colours to mast)
I am a northerner but say "gararge". Have done ever since I learned that a barrage balloon wasn't a "barridge" balloon; ditto - water isn't held back by a barridge. I reckon it's because they are fairly recent additions t' th'language (langwayge not langwidge).
Enough.

Kaeori,
If you haven't yet taken your car as far as France, watch out. There are traps for the unwary (as there may be in other semi civilised [perhaps a little generous there?] countries on the wrong side of the Channel). "Gasol" may seem reminiscent of home, but it's diesel. What you need is the real "Essence" of the country to enjoy your journey.

Hey plaguesville, you got me!

Major violation.

My anti Bucket stance (An awful programme) got the better of me, and to the entire top half of the British Nation I offer an apology. Only those born and living South of the Bristol/Wash line caught saying 'garardge' will be shot....come the revolution.

Ta Ph.,

I'll just print that out and carry it around with my essential user Vaseline coupons. One cannot be too careful, nowadays.

I suspect I pronounce Garage differently from all of you. I asked around the office about this, and they are now having a fierce argument. I'll leave them to slug it out...

I have not been to France, and I do not own vaseline. I just thought that if it is made out of petrol, I could fill a cupboard in case of another fuel crisis. Unleaded vaseline, of course.

Nice to hear from you again, plaguesville! Something I like about English northerners is that they manage to dispense with definite article, and we're none the worse off for it.(None in this message!)

Sigh!The more things change the more they stay the same.I spent 3 years living in t'north some time ago.I was the odd one out being from as far south as you can get without being in the sea.Consequently
I was often the butt of 'that's not the way to say that'type of converstion.One such discussion that sticks in my mind is the barth versus baath one.That was some 27 years ago-I hope it's still not a bone of contention.I wonder if somewhere else in the universe if two other sentient personalties are having a similar if vociferous 'discussion'.

There are some words where the southern pronunciations may be more logical, but when it come to bath/path/grass/glass the northern pronunciation makes much more sense to me.
After all, if a lass is a lass, surely a glass is a glass, not a glaarse.

I'm not even sure it's a direct north/south thing. When I lived in Bath, many of the locals would use a rather northern-sounding pronunciation, and many of the others who did include a bit of a Somerset 'r' still pronounced the word with a the 'r' sound comng from deep in the throat, and avoided the more nasal open-mouthed 'baaaarth' variant.

I once surprised an American friend by talking about Bathing. pronounced Barthing. Apparently there, the verb is only to bathe, even when it means taking a quick sluice off in the tub.

Bathing is a far more self-indulgent affair to my way of thinking, but this may be an entirely subjective definition.

Hi TC, with you again. This is beginning to be a consensus.
"I bath (wash myself) in the mornings and bathe(go for a swim) in the evenings" Also I would "bathe" wounds if I had any and "bath" babies,
Now, can you use "breath" as a verb? if you are a flute player perhaps?
[Plaguesville - is there some way you can get a tape to me of you pronouncing "language"? I have a small archive of regional accents for advanced students to play with and that's one I definitely don't have.]

Yes - that's just it with bathing and bay-thing - they are the distinctions I would make, too.

Now "breath" as a verb. I must say, Ian Anderson does spring to mind. No other ideas on that one.

There is, of course, a whole movement in the States (and in the rest of the English-speaking world) to use any available noun as a verb. My sister said she once heard an interview with an American on Radio 4, who actually (perhaps intentionally?) made the statement: "Yes, we do have a tendency to verb our nouns".

The best known example hereof: "to parent" - a word that suddenly became fashionable. Actually, in this case it is a quite useful word - seems to mean more than just "to bring up".

Verbing nouns, and/or nouning verbs is a basic feature of English - one can tape two wires together, wire a circuit board, board a ship, ship a hammer, hammer a nail, nail two things together, pen (or pencil) something into a book, book someone into a boarding-house, house someone in a hotel, etc.

Sometimes it can sound odd, but I think it's mainly a matter of familiarity. Most of the time it is useful and understandable, it's only when it really is unnecessary that it jars with me.

And isn't this why English is becoming a world language. It is easy to adapt, easy to mutate, easy to add to and customise.

Of course you use a bath to bathe in, and if you pong you need a bath (not a bathe). But isn't 'bath' an abbreviation of bath-tub. Maybe we should have taken the American route and called it a tub. But then there is the 'Hot Tub'. In Britain 4 or 5 people can use a Hot Tub, but in America, its one at a time. So what do they call them?

Isn't "jar' an interesting word?It seems to be able (be forced) to take lots of different prepositions:
"His finger-clicking jarred on my nerves"
"His sniping comments jarred with the meeting's friendly tone"
"I jarred my back badly when I fell off my bike"
"The boat jarred against the dock"
Besides being a receptacle for jam or dirty paint brushes (or beer) a jar is an unpleasant sound - hence the bird called "night-jar" and it doesn't seem to have any connection with "ajar" at all.(I think ajar's the only word in English that starts "aj": all the others insert 'd'. I wonder why)

Maybe we (British) don't call them hot tubs, because we're famous for cold baths.
Consider "dolly tub" "wash tub" "plant tub" I would be tempted to say it means sonthing made of wood, but then we get "a tub of margarine". To me a bath-tub means one in front of the fire, and "tub" by itself = boat.
"Jacuzzi" for hot-tub??
What do Americans call "Turkish baths"?

Bath - built in,
Tub - moveable.

"Sorry, 'movable'." said the plumber..