h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just caught up on the backlog. I am continually impressed at the openness with with researchers are willing to share their history, feelings & opinions.

Coming in at a late stage: my son was recently dumped & I have been helping him bear the emotional trauma. Physical distance across the world was her problem. He said it would have been easier if she'd stopped liking him. It might hurt more at the time to be told there's no hope of getting back together because the feelings have changed, but I think it's probably better in the long run.

Concerning Bb & similar situations - there is no right or wrong course to take. There is only dealing with the outcome of each decision as best you can. Sometimes you can look back & regret a certain choice, but you can never be sure what the alternative path would have been like.

On a lighter vein - where are all these opportunities for extra-marital rump-pumpy? Am I that unattractive or oblivious to the signs?

Oof, a loaded question... Your oblivious! It can be anoying when somebody tell's about *so and so* having this big crush on you, when it's somebody you'll not going to see anymore and that somebody being a case of "would'nt say no too." Plus they had only been sat three feet away from you for 12 months! But enough about *Miss M.*

Could be a case of not really looking for the relationship / *action, ahem* just some reassurance you are an attractive propersition?

Could be all that *Big B* is about, does somebody attractive want him, and the feeling that brings of being wanted.

Anyway *Miss M.* would be pushing 49 now, not quite the 24 year old that was soooooo fine! Sometimes you just have to be left not knowing the *what could have been* of it.

Yes, a little flirtation can do wonders for the morale - knowing it's within safe limits.

Thanks all for all the advice. To be honest, I dont know where my head is at at the moment. I have'nt seen said young lady for over a week now and dont know whether to see her again in the way I have. She will probably pop into work now and again for a coffee and a chat but other people will be there then. One point I thought of, Have I really been having an affair? OK I met her a few times and we kissed and fumbled, no sex. Is that a real affair or have I been kidding myself that I was having an affair because it felt nice and naughty?
Opinions on this please. Bilbobilbo.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck. If feels like an affair, then it probably is. Look at it this way- would your wife think it wasn't, just because you haven't got around to inserting tab A into slot B?

Since it's you that's asking Bb, and I am concerned about your wife and about your girlfriend, I've popped back in to answer your question in exchange for a couple of my own. Fair's fair.

Have you really been having an affair?

Do you *want* to have been?

You are in a pretty neat position actually. You have proof positive that there is life in the old dog yet, that you can still pull, and that you coulda if you wanted to, but you can deny and not lie to anyone who asks.

Did Clinton have an affair with Monica? "That depends on what you mean by 'is'" See what I mean?

How you define it is up to you, and I suspect that you will define it both ways. Why not? The point that I have been trying to drive home is limit the damage, limit the damage, limit the damage, and defining both ways at different times will probably help you do that.

Now the question, and my fellow feeling for your fellow-fumbler leads me to ask it - have you told your girlfriend yet that it is over?

B

Good point but maybe it could be described as good friendship between a couple of Touchy feely people? Bilbobilbo

Err, probably not. Was the intention behind the 'kisses 'n' cuddles' friendly, or otherwise?

And, as occasionally happens, I seem to be contradicting Ben here. Look at it as advice from different angles.

for KA.

Well, contradictory or not, I agree with KA enough to have been able to have typed her post if I was in a different mood.


Would it hurt your wife to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Course it would!

I am a great believer in privacy between partners, (in 'spaces in your togetherness', as Kahil Gibran puts it) but it helps big-time that I have the curiosity of a brick and the sexual jealousy of a parachute.


Would she consider it to have been an affair?

Course she would.


Should you consider it to have been an affair?

Ah. Well. It's up to you, and as I indicated I suspect you want it both ways.

As I said - 'do what you will but do no harm'. Stopping it now is the wisest thing you can possibly do. Telling your wife would be absolutely insane.

B

back, m'dear.

>Telling your wife would be absolutely insane.

That I agree with Ben on. Why the Hell make her suffer your guilt. It wouldn't achieve anything, except possibly an incentive to purchase a new dinner service.

>> It wouldn't achieve anything, except possibly an incentive to purchase a new dinner service.

Or to contact that divorce lawyer her best friend says was so helpful.

B

She MIGHT be willing to continue the marriage if her feelings for Bb are strong.
'Brief Encounter' (the Trevor Howard & Celia Johnson version) came to mind. Yes I know it was a corny story but the part I was thinking of was at the end where the husband says something like 'You've been a long way away - I'm glad you've come back'.
What worries me is that having once tasted forbidden fruit, you may succumb again.
I was also thinking of my friend who has recently divorced. A few years ago she discovered he was having an affair, but chose to fight & keep the marriage going. Her trust had been shattered, but they managed to revive the relationship. However, the pattern repeated itself & second time around, reluctantly she divorced him.

That as well. Either way, it's coming out of Bilbo's wallet.

Which reminds me bb...

When are you telling your former g/f its over?

B

PS - You haven't done badly, you know.

Jab mused:
Could be all that *Big B* is about, does somebody attractive want him, and the feeling that brings of being wanted.

I dont want to turn this into a silly "beauty is only skin deep" hug fest.

What Im wondering though is whether or not people would consider more favourably a meaningless fling with somebody they thought of as hot stuff than they would with someone who offered that same frission of danger and forbidden fruit but was not as good loking as their current partner?

Good to see you still around Ben I was worried you might have left over recent events

Have'nt quite thought that one out yet but it more or less is already. Bilbobilbo.

There's good looking & there's sex appeal - not always the same.

*Is it an affair?*

Sex or no, a serious breach of your wifes trust. - No matter how anybody might dress it up:- Fling, encounter, blip etc. etc.

do it on the desktop