h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wow! Ok! So this was an interesting thread. Regardless of who brought it up or why it really unearthed some interesting stuff! Anyone wanting to date anyone in here would need to look no further than these posts to get a perspective on prevailing winds (as it were).
The thing that occurred to me at once (confession I didn't read all 340 posts but just the beginning and end ones so I dont know if someone brought this up) was the obvious oppourtunity for marriage-strengthening such a situation would present. If a 50-odd male was attracted to an energising exciting collegue - the obvious question to me is what "lack" does this highlight in his marrige and what can he do to take some of that "zing" home with him.
Of course in the ideal partnership a partner would be able to share this with his/her mate and they could figure it out together - perhaps finding new roads to fun and exciting stuff together that could keep them inspired for another 30 years of marrige!

*shrug*
Just a thought . . . use it, dont

Excuse me Oooo Ooo OOo(sorry I got that wrong) but why is a girl grubby for enjoying sex with different men?

If she wants to have sex with you why *shouldn't* she make it easy for you?

Would you call a man who had sex with lots of girls a grubby bloke or a lucky one?

I'm fairly sure that even perfectly stastisyed husbands are tempted to stray.

Z (.OOoo.), depends on each case. Sure she can make it easy if she want's. Either/or yes. Wifes too?

You reap what you sow, go for a slag(M/F), chances are you'll get one, and what would that make you? Going right back to the thread origin, go for a woman that would carry on with a married man, what are you getting really?

.oOOO..oO..Oooo. it's refreshing to see that you consider that a slag can be either male or female.

You may say 's/he is a slag'. I would say 's/he is sexually liberated from the hetrosexist old fashioned nuclear family ideal of sex being for procreation only'

Slag, a label, easly replaced with say "sexualy active without worry of consequence to themself and others." Since labeling people can be wrong take it as generic view of such people, neither negative or posative.

Liberated from the idea of sex for procreation only... Yeah I thought Queen Victoria was dead too. Still we are free to apply our own values. To make a vow to forsake all others should mean exactly that, otherwise what's the point? Plus "in a relashionship" means exclusive by default.

Really? it came across as negative to me?

Casual sex does not have to be risky. A combinition of safe sex and regular check ups can make it quite safe. Not completely safe but quite safe.

We all take risks I take risks when I go gliding, or ride on the back of a friends motorbike, or cross the road, as well as when I have causal sex.

The risk I take when having casual sex is considerably less than the risk I take when I go gliding or take a life on the back of my friends motorbike.

Not all relationships are exclusive - many people have open relationships.

>> Rule#1 Dealing with the classic "we'll be friends." - Yea sure, soon as you can make good on all the lies, give back all that you have stolen, time, effort, compensated for the sacrifices. Then we may be friends in as much as we are not enemies, though I would'nt piss on you even if you was on fire. - After a serious relationship.


Well more fool you for going out with someone who tells lies, steals and demands sacrifices.

B

Rule#1 Dealing with the classic "we'll be friends." - Yea sure, soon as you can make good on all the lies, give back all that you have stolen, time, effort, compensated for the sacrifices. Then we may be friends in as much as we are not enemies, though I would'nt piss on you even if you was on fire. - After a serious relationship.

The phrase we'll be friends is often spken in the numbness of the first moments of the rejection being spoken and is often just promted by or mirrored from the "get-out (clause) speech" of the one doing the dumping.

Later when the phase of disbelief has passed and the hurt really kicks in many men and women do see revenge as a way of dealing with their own pain They choose the things that you mention as convinient vehicles for what they want to do, but rarely are the time and money real issues.


Rule#2 Don't go to bed with a grubby girl, or if it was that easy for *you* it's that easy for *everybody* so don't be there. Don't say this is the reason for dumping, just move on... You can may hear the screams of "NEXT" from down the street anyway, so why stress about the dumpping of, worry more about accepting it's not for you. - After a non-serious relationship.

Im sorry if this is your experience of women Jab. Many women dropped their draws for me because Im a hunky, funky chunk of man. Yeah some of them did operate a revolving door policy on their bedrooms but thats not a crime or even a necessarily bad thing. If it is I'd have ended up in the dock myself, but its not its a personal choice.

Just like you choose to use words that you are well aware are loaded with negative feelings for such people. (can I smell envy? That is often what fuels the use of such words)


You can may hear the screams of "NEXT" from down the street anyway, so why stress about the dumpping of, worry more about accepting it's not for you. - After a non-serious relationship.

What may be non-serious for you on the surface may have deep reprocussions for others.

If you had any idea of why some people feel the need to become intimate regularly or with so many people you might not strees but accept that they are human beings and may have a history you dont know about and rather than just judging them unworthy because of their lifestyle decide to treat them with some common decency and a little respect. (something Im not icnclined to treating your post with, Jab)


Rule#3 Rule#1 Means there is little or nothing you can do to avoid hurt, if you have a heart yourself. Rule#2 Means getting involved with somebody without a heart is foolish at best.

Unless there are very severe birth defects everyone has a heart, Jab.

Although you could be talking about feelings and emotions. I which case you are even more wrong. People may experience things different;ly to you and some may mask their feelings but they are still there. Anyone who says they have no feelings is a liar and any one who believes this possible is a fool.

one love

My daughter was recently 'dumped' by someone, whom she thought was her soul-mate, right in the middle of her finals.

On the Saturday, they were discussing marriage - a conversation initiated by him. By Thursday, he no longer wanted to go out with her.

And the point of this posting?
He hoped they could still be friends.

Her reply was to ask him why on earth he thought she would want to have someone like him as a friend after the way he'd treated her.

Her motto now is "They get one chance with me. If they mess me around just once, they're history"
Sad to be so cynical at such a young age - but she's never had so many men chasing her in her life!

F19585?thread=455756

*note: postings 21-57 (threadjack attempt) can be missed



az

Teuchter - that's a good rule of thumb to live by, "They get one chance with me. If they mess me around just once, they're history" - congratulate your daughter from me, and be very grateful she's not pregnant
The_Doctor_Is_in wrote (in the backlog, and no-one responded)
"To the guys out there - a true cut very short. Tell me what you would have done.
I was in my first marraige and round at a long term female friends house. We had a pizza, some wine and I was sorting out her woes and lovelife from the male point of view as I had done many times before. There had never been any hint whatsoever that she was attracted to me, but she went out into the kitchen to get some coffee. She returned in stockings and suspenders. What would you have done?"

What I'd like to know is, what kind of wife allows you to have a one-to-one meal at your female friend's house? Especially one who's just split up with a long-term, and feeling lonely.
If you lied to your wife saying you were off down the pub, then you had this scenario in mind.

The feeling that Bb describes between him and his wife (he feels unwanted), is the same feeling I had in my first marriage. I felt like part of the furniture, for all the notice my husband took of me. Yet when we divorced, he seemed to change personality and treated his second wife so much better than he'd treated me.
Their first holiday was in Spain, her kids left with her mother, after 6 months together.
In 11 years, all we'd done was go to Butlin's, kids in tow.
Since then they've been abroad every year, he always looks neat and tidy and smart, hair cut and shaved.
I never saw him out of his overalls, he stank of axle grease, dirty fingernails; long, unkempt hair, shaved once-a-week if I was lucky.
SHE has the man I always wanted, and I don't know if it was my fault, me who never pushed, or nagged him into being Mr Pleasant.
I feel we both never made the effort because we were comfortable with each other, I resented his lack of effort but never said anything.

Other men here have said we don't understand that a quick sexual thrill is something they can't ignore or turn down, and that it has nothing to do with their marriage.
This isn't what Bb was talking about, he has actually said he has feelings for the other woman, and the fact that he's not jumped on her bones already already told me that.

What happens next, is that partner swops take place, either mutual or forced circumstances.

The problem is, 6 months down the line, that feeling that you had is a distant memory because the new, exciting relationship becomes domesticated, and believe me, it hurts when she gives you the choice of shopping with her or spending the day with your estranged son/daughter.
And she gives you the ultimatum!!!

I *do* know what I'm talking about, because I never thought for one minute my first husband wouldn't want to spend every weekend with his adored children, but the visiting times got less and less and as soon as they set up home together, drifted to almost nothing.

And that 30+ year relationship Bb talks about being "comfortable" - it took that long to get that comfortable, it's not something you can walk into, and it beats loneliness hands-down.

I'm here in my little bungalow watching tv alone, night after night, no-one makes me a or backs the car out of the garage for me, or attends a funeral with me, or just a shoulder to lean on would be nice.

I've chatted with my Mother about this, she's been with my Dad for 65 years (married 63) they have only known each other. She says she envies me being single with all the freedom I have, but she wouldn't swop my Dad for "all the tea in China" even though he "bores her to tears". She also says if he goes first, she will never marry again.
Dad says "If your Mother goes first, I want to go the next day".

In 2 months, it would have been my Ruby wedding anniversary, and I still wonder, does he remember? Does he even think of me? Does he wake up some mornings and wish it was me lying there? Does she do things that get on his nerves? Does she regret taking a man away from his family?

Will I post this?

'Slag, a label, easly replaced with say "sexualy active without worry of consequence to themself and others." '

What do you call someone who is sexually active but does consider health in that she insists on a condom but does not consider the marital or not arrangement of the other person?

Afterall when I was younger and yes looking for sex, why should I have cared about the wife or girlfriend at home? If the husband wanted sex I was up for it, its not like I wanted a relationship, it wasn't for me to judge whether the man was right or wrong, I just wanted to get laid.

Ruby???I meant Pearl.

I need to go back to my Councillor PDQ

Z, Yea sure the clinics are full of people "just having a check-up." Get real.

Ben, People lie, otherwise you'd still be happy with the first person in your life, or they with you.

blicky, You did'nt undersand "have a heart" as a phrase... Try another: Self recommendation, is no recommendation at all.

Yes it's so easy to get sex, it's so easy to go shopping, but that does not mean having to buy one of everything just becase it there.

'The rules' you three seem to have missed the first paragraph of that post. The upshot is plan all you want, justify all you want, when it comes to it, there is not much you cand do to stop being hurt in a break-up, short of being void of emotion yourself.

Kaz, dunno what do you call... Hmm, the 'insistant condom user' distraction, right how about *bullshit artist*? Lack of respect for marriage, could *selfish* fit the bill?

>> Ben, People lie, otherwise you'd still be happy with the first person in your life, or they with you.

The reason I am not with my first had nothing to do with lies. Or for that mattter any of the subsequent ones.

The point I am making is that if you go out with a s**t, you cannot be surprised if they behave like a s**t.

Ben

I've never split up with anyone because of lies.


az

Yes Ben, that's what I said in post 343, and again later. You get what you seek.

No lies, really? So what first attracted you to them, or first attracted them to you? What problems, hang-up's, crack's (in the facard blicky! ) later appeared. Maybe not always visable out-and-out lies but subtle thing's that all mount up to a lie the relationship becomes.

"I love you." could be a heart felt declaration for your existence, or it could be about the way you stip them naked and ride them like Seabiscuit. The lie is they love you, when what the love is what you do for them...

This 'Billibobo' character, loves this woman at work? Nah, loves how she makes him feel now, today. Loves his wife, why, becase she does thing's for him, or because he values her very existance? Just as Mrs Billibobo is unaware of the lies, it does'nt mean they are not there.

Looking at post 349. Teuchter, T-Jnr. cynical? Hmm, sound's like pragmatic works.

>> Yes Ben, that's what I said in post 343, and again later. You get what you seek.

What is 'that' in this context? You are being a bit too vague and allusive for me to understand what you mean.


>> No lies, really?

Yep. On the other hand I have a strong respect for my own privacy and my partner's privacy, so I tend not to ask the sort of questions which result in being lied to. No "do you love me?" "do you still have feelings for her?" "how many people have you slept with?" "why did you split up with her?" "does my bum look big in this?" "why do you want to go to the football match?" None of that stuff.


>> So what first attracted you to them,

Um. Their integrity and emotional honesty.

*shrug*

Also, their sense of humour, ability to do joined up thinking, independence of mind, and the fact they weren't scared of me.


>> or first attracted them to you?

You'd have to ask them.


>> What problems, hang-up's, crack's (in the facard blicky! online2long ) later appeared. Maybe not always visable out-and-out lies but subtle thing's that all mount up to a lie the relationship becomes.

1) That presupposes that the relationships became lies. They didn't.

2) What problems, hang-ups, cracks in the facade later appeared?

Different ones for different relationships - I tend not to repeat the same mistakes. To take some examples: force majeure, existing commitments to children, career direction, change of location, differing long term professional goals, doifferent styles of doing business, lack of long term goals, a whole bunch of stuff.

As I said, I had and still have a considerable degree of respect for the guys who have been important to me in my life, and although everyone changes over time, the fundamental values of the guys concerned - honesty, integrity, duty, commitment to previous promises made, the ability to make me laugh - none of those things changed.

I still like all of them, and occasionally still phone them and say "Hi, can I ask your advice about....?"

B