h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

come on we can take it.............



(p.s DoctorMO have you seen...we're in the post [caption comp]. <yeh&gt

Fair enough Emmily, I was getting a bit p*ssed off, I was thinking of the reaction Id get if I went over to the 'Females only' thread and posted a load of sexist jokes... But you did even it out with the female ones at the end, fair enough...

As for your 'double standards' question (to take it back to the start) They don't. Not any more than women. Maybe the bloke you were involved with did, but don't tar us all with the same brush. I was involved with a woman with *huge* double standards, who really couldn't see it herself. But I don't think *all* women have double standards...


Bob- ardent campaigner for sexual equality, who always ends up fighting feminists...

If you had posted sexist jokes in the Females Only thread Bob, I would've missed out on a I lurked in that thread at the beginning and not lurked since.

I was getting those jokes from a book, the really sad thing is that those few 'Woman Jokes' was all that was in the book, as apposed to loads of Bloke Jokes, I didn't use them all, some would've broken house rules.

Oh, and I'll let you into a secret visitor is my bf, and *does* have very annoying double standards.

Emmily

But he doesnt represent all of us does he?

Q. Why do women wear make-up and perfume?



A. Because they're ugly and they smell.

I think you should specify exactly what you mean about male double standards emmily. Personally Im not convinced there are any!

Well this sounds very much like a joke book for women.

Even the jokes about women allow them to tut and say "men, they're all the same".

Why is there a women's institute but a men's institute would be branded 'sexist'?

There are many mens institutions, the masons, the navy, the F.A., the M.C.C. ad nauseum

SOME ANSWERS FOR SPINKS AND OTHER GUYS WHO THINK WE'RE HARD DONE BY.

Why are there no 'MOWO' awards?

There are, they are called the Classical Brits. White performers and composers have won MOBO's the title only refers to the style of music.

And while we're about it, is there a 'White Policeman's Association'?

Yes it is called "the police force".

BTW was never quite sure where to put the apostrophe : women's, men's or womens' mens' ?

You only move the apostrophy when something belongs to the plural group when the plural name ends in an S as men is the plural of man I dont think you need to worry about moving it to after the S.

Interestingly enough (there's an oxymoron for you)

the Church of Scotland renamed their Women's Guild simply 'The Guild' (I don't know if it was voluntary or not) but as a national institution it was obviously very well known. AFAIK there isn't a 'national' Men's Guild but our local CofS has one...

WHY? 'The Guild' and 'The Men's Guild'...

(and apparently 'The Guild' is open to both genders... like you'd want to!)

Steven

The reference to double standards was directed at 'a visitor to planet earth' (the ) he knows exactly what I'm talking about, I never really expected an answer, it was more of a wind up than anything else.


Emmily

I've been searching for some Bloke Jokes to post here, and came across this...

New procedures

Please note that with the arrival of new' Drive-Thru' cash point machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

MALE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car to the machine.
3. Restart the stalled engine.
4. Wind window down.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat, to locate card.
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine, due to its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. Re-insert card the right way up.
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary, with your PIN written on the inside cover.
12. Enter PIN.
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14. Enter amount of cash required.
15. Re-check make-up in rear view mirror.
16. Retrieve cash and receipt.
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash
18. Place receipt in back of check book.
19. Drive forward two meters.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
23. Drive for 3 to 4 miles.
24. Release handbrake.

Emmily

To show I can take, as well as give, here's some more

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Emmily

After more than a year you dig this up... Typical woman!

Hiya Stealth

Had a bit of a hic-up the other night, I couldn't find my recent 'Bloke Joke 3' book, found it now Most o them are more 'sad' than funny, I'll just pick what I think are the best.

Two blokes are sitting at the bar and one says, 'I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for a womam.'

'Yeah, what happened?' asked the other bloke.

The first bloke replies 'I got my knob stuck in the neck of the bottle'.

Emmily

Dopey and the other six dwarves are meeting the Pope at the Vatican. Dopey sidles up to him and says,'Excuse me, Your Holiness, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?' The Pope thinks about it an says, 'No Dopey, I don't think there are.'

Dopey, shuffles from one foot to the other. 'Are there any dwarf nuns in the whole of Europe?' Again the Pope shakes his head.

Deserately now, Dopey askes 'Are there any dwarf nuns in the whole of the world?' 'I'm sorry Dopey, but the answer is still no,' Says the Pope. 'Why are you so concerned about this issue anyway?'

Shamefaced, Dopey points to the other six dwarves who are huddled in a corner, splitting their sides with laughter and chanting 'Dopey sh*gged a penguin'.

Emmily

Just seen this in a show on Channel 5 involving Jo Guest. It looks like your kinda oke, Emmily:

God endowed men with both a brain and a penis. Unfortunately he have him only sufficient blood to operate one of them at a time.

Got you rockin with laughter on your chair eh Granny

Yep there's quite a few like that in the books BigAl

Here's another I quite like...

Two blokes go to the pub for their lunch. One bloke calls the waitress over and asks her for a quickie. Not surprisingly she slaps his face and storms off. Then his mate says to him 'It's pronounced "quiche".'

Emmily

I've heard that one in relation to Bill Clinton.

He's sitting at a table and the waitress comes over and asks if he'd like to order.

He says (peering at the menu), "Hmm. I think I'll have a quickie".

She giggles and says coyly, "Ohh Sir, I think you've already got yourself into enough trouble over that sort of thing already!

Then peering over his shoulder, "Oh! You mean a quiche".