h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If theres anything worse than whining 2 year olds, its TEENAGERS!!!

Espcially the obviously NOT 16-year olds who come in and try to by cigarettes, and obviously NOT 18-year olds trying to buy alcohol, usually wearing big gold hoop earrings and hardly any clothes if they're girls, and wearing hooded jumpers over a baseball cap if they're boys.

One incident I particulary remember while serving at the cigarette kiosk was when a bunch of 14-15 year old girls came in asking for 10 Mayfair Lights. When I refused to sell to them, I got all kinds of abuse hurled at me, being called everything from a "stupid b*tch" to a "f***ing c*nt".

I really dont know who is raising these kids. Here they are KNOWINGLY trying to buy something illegally, and when they get refused they hurl abuse at the cashier! Admittedly when I was their age (and that was only 5ish years ago!) I often tried to buy ciagrettes, but if I got refused I would never in a million years even think of swearing my head off at the cashier!! There is obviously something different in the way my mother raised me to the way these kids have been raised...

god I sound old!

You are Oscar, you are

Every Friday night at the pub where I worked, two or three girls would come in and try to buy booze, every Friday night we would ask them for some proof of age, and every Friday night they'd swear blind that they were served last time they came in.

You had to admire them for their persistance.

We also had a pair of blokes who came in every Friday - there was no question about their age, but we only ever saw them on Friday night. They always stood in the same spot at the bar, one always arrived at about 9.45 and the other around 10.00, they always drank the same beer, they always bought one round each, and they were always the last to leave. If the pub was really busy and they couldn't get their spot, you could tell that they weren't happy, and as soon as it came clear they were in like a shot.

We called them Bill and Ben

While out shopping, I occasionally get asked to buy "adult" videos or music for kids who are too young to do it themselves. It's fun to tell them I'm a cop and watch them !

I was out shopping once and could hear this tremendous whining....

"I don't wanaaaant to go in that stooooore! We have to go the groooooocery stooooore! Ohhhh, pleeeease, coooooome ooooon! Nooooooooooooo!"

Now, there was a mother and a small boy, say, about 5 walking along the sidewalk of the strip mall. I'll bet you were thinking that this child needed a good smack and a lesson about whining to get what he wanted.

Au contraire! The one doing the whining was the MOTHER! The little boy was dragging her into a ladies clothing store and she was practically in tears trying to wheedle him into going, instead, to the grocery store. And they were not kidding around. A few minutes later he dragged he out of the clothing store and dragged her into the drugstore. All the while she continued to whine.

I thought to myself "No THAT is a mother who is going to have a teen monster on her hands in about 10 years time!"

Perhaps she was trying some method of demonstrating to him what he sounds like. (Unless she really had serious hangups herself.)

In fact, mothers instinctively do this with tiny babies - copying the funny noises they make back to them. if you catch yourself doing this you feel a bit of an idiot, but it is normal, and it is the equivalent of a mirror - the child learns to speak this way - he can then associate the way he made the noise with the way it sounds to others, and saves this bit of information for later on when he needs that particular phoneme to make up a word he wants to articulate.

If the reason for the mother's behaviour was an extension, you could say that she is very brave, making a fool of herself in public for the purposes of educating her child, but unfortunately, it is also very likely that the method will backfire and that the conclusion you come to is correct - the child will interpret it as "this is the way you do it" and, as is instinctive to children, will copy his mother.

I'm not sure what influences parents have these days - but behaviour like this (on the mother's part) would have been quite thinkable in the early 80's when my kids were small.

Nowadays I find it really embarrassing to see parents very obviously trying to educate their kids, although it is really a laudable thing. For example, when crossing over to England on the ferry last summer, we were sitting eating our meal when a small boy came balancing past us with his drink and sandwich and behind him his mother dictating to him "turn left" and so on. She may has well have yelled out "Oh look at me everybody, I am teaching my son to tell left from right - aren't I such a caring mother". Sorry - she is absolutely right to do it and more parents should put thought into that kind of thing - it was just the way that she shouted it out so everyone could admire her educational efforts.

(hand tissue - unused )

If the topic can be stretched to 'objectional parents- overheard', I have one similar to Mudhooks'... there was this business-type lady on a train, on her mobile throughout the journey. After a few calls, I could hear that she was phoning round private schools to see if she could get an appointment to come and check the places out (in none too quiet a voice, either). At one point, she paused, and said 'No, I won't be bringing her... she won't be starting school for a while yet, you see she's actually only two...'
Bless.

Well, sad to say it, but in North America, especially in the larger US cities, "good" preschools have waiting lists and actually have interviews for prospective parents and children. The waiting lists are often so long that one has to make "the cut" when the kid is practically just out of the womb.

In fact, there are some who have already started sussing out prospective schools before the baby is born. Some parents hire consultants (at up to $300 US an hour) to help them through the application process.

Madness!

Here are a few items related:

From the Director of a Family Centre somewhere in the US"
"I leave you with a phone conversation I had earlier this year with the father of a young infant. He was looking for a program for his nine-month-old daughter. I told him that we are a full time childcare program for children from six months to four years. He said that his wife is not planning on going back to work, but they wanted to get their daughter into a good school now so that she wouldn't be behind the other children. I told him to relax. I said that he and his wife should enjoy their baby, take her to the park, play, read, and sing to her.

"Is that enough?" he asked.

I said "Yes.""

""There is that much anxiety about this." Deborah Ashe, director of admissions for the Lower School of the Trevor Day School - where several hundred students applied this year for 30 kindergarten spots - said some parents are so desperate, they supply résumés for their nursery school applicants. "Two-year-olds don't have a transcript, although some parents send résumés - everything the child has done since birth." and " they're are willing to pay the $15,000 to $20,000 a year for their toddlers' tuition to give them the best start. Trevor Day School, for example, charges $14,550 for pre-kindergarten and Chapin School charges $17,650 for kindergarten. Most of these schools offer some form of financial aid."
http://www.ivywise.com/text/news-nypost.htm

Regarding the "whining Mom"...

It was for real.... she was practically in tears and the toddler was dragging her by the arm.... forcefully.

It reminded me of the film I once saw... for the life of me I can't remember the title.... about a group of women who graduate from University (circa 1950?).

One of the women marries a prominent doctor who has all sorts of "progressive" ideas about child-rearing. There is a scene where her friend calls to tell her of a reunion. She is standing in the hallway of an obviously very posh home. In the background you see the open door of what must be ther nursery. In the nursery is the son who is going completely bonkers yelling and jumping on the furniture.

When the friend asks what the racket is and is told, she says something about the boy needing discipline. The mother answers (in a very tremulous voice) "Well, Frank says that discipline will stifle him."

I think she was sort of wishing SOMETHING would stifle the kids.....

"...but I'd be afraid of smothering him."
"Yeah, and then we'd get the chair."
"That wasn't what I meant."
"It was, Marge. Admit it."

Very curious. I don't doubt the waiting lists, tho it's disturbing how desperate folk are to get on them. The delightful madam on the train, however, seemed to have selected a superbly public situation to show off her money. Could just be my suspicion of private schools, though.
I don't know what to think about the whining mother... *very* curious.

Working, as I do, for a well-known UK DIY retailer (US equiv = Home Depot) you get customers who ask such ridiculous questions that you just think "My god, are you REALLY going to go away and attempt this?!?!"

As most of my contact these days (since reaching the dizzy heights of middle-management) is with either problem or irate customers, my first gripe is the oft-heard reaction "No, I wanted to speak to a MANAGER", simply because our more practical uniform happens not to be a suit and tie and therefore does not conform to their stereotype of a greasy manager with an oversized bunch of keys!

The other day I was called down to the customer service desk to answer a customer who was concerned that they did not get their free itme which should have accompanied their purchase. When trying to explain to the lady that there was not in fact a free gift due to her, the reply came "Oh yes there should be, the bottle clearly states CFC free" - I ask you.....

This customer though pales far into insignificance compared with a customer who crossed my path around two years ago. Again it was a lady (although, believe me, our male customers have proved themselves over the years to be just as incompetent as their female counterparts!) and this one also had a complaint to make.
This time it was a complaint about one of our products - specifically a set of kitchen taps.

"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"They're not working!" she snapped
"Right," I said "what's not working?"
"These taps of course!!" she retorted, pulling them from her shopping bag. This lady obviously assumed I was either psychic or had x-ray vision, and knew even before entering the shop the reason for her visit.
"I see. Can you tell me what the problem is?"
"You tell me, I'm not a plumber!"
The lack of common courtesy she was displaying now began to make me want to ask her to go away and come back in to start again.
"Neither am I, could you tell me why YOU think they're not working?"

This is usually the stage where you begin to realise that you and the customer have actually had your wires crossed, and you can help them with a simple suggestion of an alternative product or a refund. Not this lady.
"They're wrong!!"
"Wrong?"
"Wrong!"
"Wrong, how? How can a set of taps be 'wrong'? Do you mean you've chosen the wrong style, or that they're the wrong size for your sink?"
"They fit my sink but I can't use them"
"Right. They're the right style?"
"Yes"
"And they fit your sink?"
"Yes"
"But you can't use them?"
"No"
"Could you please tell me then, what is wrong with them?"

After nearly 10 minutes of trying to ascertain the problem, the lady came out with perhaps the stupidest comment I've ever heard.....

"Well, I turned them both on to check them, waited a minute for the boiler to heat up, and there it was. The hot tap was giving out cold water, and the cold tap was giving out hot water."

After so long with this customer I was reluctant to argue with her further but fell short of rolling around on the floor laughing and announcing her stupidity across the store via the tannoy system. Instead, I calmy looked at her and said "Oh yes, madam, you appear to be right. Somebody at the factory must have put the little blue and red plastic bits on the wrong taps!", swapped the plastic covers over, and she left!

Now THAT's stupid!!



Before I go, I must tell you about a real DIY fanatic who comes in here all the time. We're not convinced that this guy is the world's greatest DIY-er (judging by the amount of questions he seems to ask each time he's in) so it was no surprise to see him come in late on a Sunday afternoon, just as we're closing.
Recently he'd been fitting his own kitchen, and over the weekend he had been plumbing in the water and gas to his sink and oven respectively. He came in soaked through and told us that something must have gone wrong cos when he switched on the gas hob, water came out!!!!!

Laughing, we advised him to call a plumber as soon as he got home. "Oh and by the way," we added "I wouldn't turn on the taps to fill the kettle up while you're waiting!!"

Hot water out the cold-water tap.... yeesh!

You should have told her that someone built her house the wrong way round..... Her plumbing was designed for left-hand houses....

I invented a new word yesterday (I think). When asked whether it was busy on the front desk, I replied "Flurriful".

Flurriful [adjective] - the state most shops and service points exist in for most of the time, where customers gather into groups just out of sight, in order to arrive in hectic flurries, separated by long periods of nothing happening.

David

I have to add my own here. Around 6 years ago I was working for a UK publisher of computer magazines, on the ad sales team of a mag called Internet World. One day I received a phone call..
"I'd like to complain about one of your advertisers"
"Ok, which one"
"The one on page ........(long time while he realises that there is more than one issue of the magazine and the one he has is over a year old - finally we pinpoint the offending ad, which is for an *adult* bulletin board)
"So what's the problem"
"Well, I can't get in touch with them"
"What are you trying"
"Well, when I ring the number, I get a beeping sound"
"Oh yes, that's because you are supposed to dial the number on the ad with your modem, not your phone"
"What's a modem?"
"It's the thing you use to connect your computer to the internet"
"Well, I haven't got a computer!"
"So why are you reading internet world?"
"I picked it up in the doctors surgery waiting room"

All the honest truth. Love it.
Mel

Idioto!...

I used to have people come in and bring a game CD to me and say "I don't own a computer. Can I play this game on my CD player?"

I was tempted to say "Yes!' but, no, I am too honest to do that. I usually clued them in to why that was the stupidest question I had ever heard.

About once a week we encounter a customer returning soundtrack CDs because they thought they'd bought the DVD

Yeah, we sell The Matrix, Office Space, Lord of The Rings for $5.95 each, and we file them in the soundtracks section which is well away from the DVDs, and we put them in jewel cases instead of DVD cases, and it says quite clearly on the artwork 'SOUNDTRACK'

Maybe there are some who made the same mistake, but who have such vast imaginations that they never realise...
'Television set? No, the pictures in your head...'

Nice one, Manchester. I may have mentioned the bloke I vaguely knew whose job it was to dispense advice of some kind, and once informed a customer that his appliances weren't working due to his living in a 'hard electricity area'.

Someone I know works for a citizen's advice bureau in a major UK city (name witheld...).

Last Christmas, he had a woman come in, dropped a whole bunch of shopping bags on the floor and desk, and between showing all the very expensive trainers, video games and electronics she had bought for "Billy" and "Jane", complained that her electrics had been cut off and she didn't have enough to pay the bills.

Oh, awesome! I am *so* glad I don't work in retail - special needs toddlers are so much easier!
My favourite - the self-pleasuring going on in the Erotic section. Have they no shame?