h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In a restaurant...

Customer: What's in the tomato and onion salad?
Waiter: Which word are you having difficulty with, Madam?

I had a good one today.

I answered the phone in my normal professional way the customer said two words.

F***ing W**ker

Then hung up.

Now they had never talked to me before. Didn't give me a chance to answer any query they may have had about our product. yet they decided that this was relevant to me. Why do people call customer care lines and take that attitude to the hard workers at the other end of the phone.

I had one customer on the phone who started out with a sneeze.

I know I've done that at least once Kinda hard not to sometimes during hayfever season

What do you do when some one calls you up to get you to renew their library books and then refuses to give you their library card number because he 'doesn't want anyone messing with his library record'. Well, then I can't renew the books, can I? 'Why not?' he asks, genuinely surprised. Because I need to get into his record to renew the books. 'Why?' Well, how else will I be able to find the records of the books he has out and get the computer to renew them? He says he'll tell me what books he has out. I say OK, as I have my patient hat on and it's a slow afternoon. Then he refuses to tell me the barcode numbers in the books because he's just realised I'll be able to get into his record from the book record. This is true, but I have to get into his record to renew his books, there is no other way. I explain this. He's still not happy, so I suggest that he either renews the books online or comes into the library to do it on the catalogue computers. He thinks that that is too inconvenient. I can feel a giant AAAAAARGH coming on. He then asks if anyone else is there he could talk to, as I'm not being very helpful. I put him on hold for 23 minutes. He gives up at some point, and I hang up. What else could I do?

I think under those circumstances you are entitled to ask for the library card back, as he is clearly too stupid to use one!

Being able to put someone on hold and then leave them there is soooooooooo satisfying isn't it

We've recently picked another weirdo who phones up almost every day to ask "What do you have used by R. Kelly?" After a couple of times it got a bit tedious, particularly since we don't have a computerised inventory and have to go and physically look for the CDs. Then he started asking for other artists too, culminating in one Saturday a few weeks ago when, in the middle of our busiest period of the week he phoned up wanting to know what used CDs we have by Metallica, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, and Kiss. Now, I know that that would amount to about 50 CDs I'd have to go through, write down, and come back to reel off to him.

I told him that I wasn't going to look for all those artists and that he should pick one, and only one, and I'll look for them. He picked Slayer - it turned out that all our Slayer CDs were new

The very next day he was asking about R. Kelly again. I told him I had a couple of people at the register and asked would he hold. Five minutes later he hung up

He occasionally comes into the store, and he's every bit as annoying IRL as he is on the phone.

Agapanthus I understand that point totally. It is like customer who refuse to give a case number when they ask to speak to a supervisor. The reason we ask for it is that the case sometimes may not need to go that high and if it does the supervisor is going to need the details anyway before the customer starts ranting at them so they can take note.

Or they refuse to give you the details from inside the phoine that we need before we can collect. One to check the warranty. Two so that we can track their phone. People who work in call centres do not ask pointless questions the information we ask for is generally needed for a very good purpose and there is not point ranting us us for asking us just because they are too lazy or ignorant to respond.

we received a jury summons back and the juror had ticked the box that marked him as disqualified from jury service. he said he was involved with the administration of justice. further research showed he was a barber. and he'd once cut a barrister's hair...

xx

We had some boob once who came into my store and when he presented his credit card, it was expired. (This was the days before you could swipe the card and had to look them up. If the charge was over a certain amount you had to call it in to the card company....)

I said to him "I'm sorry, but your card is expired."

He said "I know, but I got the new one in the mail."

"Okay, but I cannot accept this card, as it is expired. You should have brought the new one with you."

"Just call the company."

"I can't sir. The credit card company will not accept your card without a valid expiry date."

"But my new card is at home in Montreal!"

"That is all well and good, sir. However, I need the card, in front of me in order to make the transaction...."

"But is was renewed! I have the new one at home!"

No, I did not say "Sir, I am going to have to call in to the comapny and report that you are too stupid to be in possession of a credit card.", though I was sorely tempted.....

People who would hand you their credit card and they hadn't signed the back of it.....

"I will need you to sign your card and present a piece of identification with your signiture...."

"I don't sign my card so that no one can copy my signature".

DUH!!!!

1) If you don't sign it, how do I know it is your card?

2) If you don't sign it, and you lose it or someone steals it, they can write any signature they please on it and no one would know it was not your signature.....

3) If they steal it ans sign it and use it as ID to write cheques in your name, you would have a very difficult time clearing your credit....

I know all about the thing about people who don't want to give you any information so you can track down their order, make an order, etc. These are probably the same people who would give their pin # or password to someone claiming to be from the bank or the credit-card company....

I like the people, too, who complain that no one calls them back after they leave a complaint, but didn't leave a name and number for you to call them back about it.

i get emails like that at work.

eg. 'i received my summons to appear for jury service. however i have moved. this is my new address.

yours

joe bloggs'


butnothing to identify them! no juror number, no previous address with postal code. do they know how many joe bloggs there are in the country.

and these are the people that will decide someone's future...

xx

At one place I worked there had been quite a serious incident (a whole tanker of chemical spilt). This guy rang up and demanded to see the person superior to one of our Heads of Department. I politely asked his name - he refused to give it. Why, I really can't see, because he had a valid complaint. However, no way can I put a call through to the General Manager if I can't say who it is, so in the end I put him through to the head of Dept whom he obviously knew, or knew of. For once in my life, I didn't get flustered, despite the brusque treatment, and everyone agreed I had done the right thing.

The funny thing about it is that this arrogant person who wasn't going to tell me who he was, was actually English, I discovered later. (Thought he spoke German with a bit of an accent).

In fact, having dealt with a lot of English companies, and had lots of colleagues there, I do notice that people in England (and my experience is limited to England - Yorkshire mainly) aren't too happy about telling you their name. On demand, or on pestering, you might finally figure out who you're talking to, but no way are they going to tell you what they actually do or what their position in the pecking order is.

Oh yeah, the credit card thing. People frequently tell me (after I've asked them for a piece of ID because there's no signature on the card) that their bank has told them not to sign it

I find that impossible to believe for at least two reasons, one of which Mudhooks has already pointed out, that if it's not signed anyone can sign it and claim it as theirs. The other is that it says on the back of the card 'Not valid unless signed'. Now, why would the bank put that on the back of the card which *they* issued, and then tell their customer not to sign it?

Plenty of people (including me) write 'Please ask for photo ID' where the signature should be so that if the card is lost or stolen and, more to the point, if the sales assistant is doing their damn job properly and checking the signature instead of handing it back like an automaton, there's no way for anyone else to use my card. Sadly, I have to *ask* assitants to check my card nine times out of ten, but whenever I ask a customer for an ID at work, they almost always thank me for checking.

Thing is, in every other country I've ever lived in or visited it's taken for granted that a card is signed, and that the signature is checked each time it's used. I've had sixty year-olds stand in front of me in Austin, Texas, USA, and tell me that they didn't know they were supposed to sign their card

Actually, reddy, that tomato and onion question may not have been stupidity, just cautiousness.

Example - The cafe at my work serves salads at lunch and tea times. Nice stuff like caesar, garden salads and etcetera. I don't like onion, and I'm allergic to capsicum, so I try to avoid them. There's a new salad up today - Beetroot and baby spinach. But I ask what's in it, because people have this awful habit of putting onion and capsicum (peppers) in places where they just shouldn't be. In this case, it's spanish onion in the beetroot and baby spinach salad. And I'm glad I asked, and didn't waste three dollars on a salad I couldn't eat.

If you have a credit or debit card in your wallet, protect yourself by making sure that your card has your signature on the back side.

Sign your card as soon as you receive it to protect yourself from fraud. Not only is a signed card better protected from fraud, it is required by both Visa® and MasterCard®.

Although some consumer advocates encourage the practice of not signing your card, this is not a way to truly fight fraud. If an unsigned card is lost or stolen, a thief can sign any name to the card and then to a receipt! As long as the name on the back of the card matches the name signed on the receipt a sale is considered valid. According to Visa® and MasterCard® rules, merchants may only accept signed cards.

When a card is not signed or when “see ID” is written on a signature panel, a merchant must request identification and ask the cardholder
to sign the card before accepting it. And, if your stolen card is in the hands of a thief, “see ID” is just another easy way for a thief to make a purchase! Sign the back of your card today; it’s better to be “signed than sorry.”

===

At the art store where I used to work, we have a local artist who is called Bhat Boy http://www.bhatboy.com/index.html ... this is is legal name. and he signs his credit card with a sort of Batsignal....

Of course, when you are as unforgettable as Bhat Boy, it is pretty unlikely that anyone would be able to pretend you were you...

==
http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit/

Sorry, meant to check for foreign bodies in the text and forgot.... This is the cleaned up version. (It was credited to Shazam Network)

If you have a credit or debit card in your wallet, protect yourself by making sure that your card has your signature on the back side.

Sign your card as soon as you receive it to protect yourself from fraud. Not only is a signed card better protected from fraud, it is required by both Visa® and MasterCard®.

Although some consumer advocates encourage the practice of not signing your card, this is not a way to truly fight fraud. If an unsigned card is lost or stolen, a thief can sign any name to the card and then to a receipt! As long as the name on the back of the card matches the name signed on the receipt a sale is considered valid. According to Visa® and MasterCard® rules, merchants may only accept signed cards.

When a card is not signed or when "see ID" is written on a signature panel, a merchant must request identification and ask the cardholder
to sign the card before accepting it. And, if your stolen card is in the hands of a thief, "see ID" is just another easy way for a thief to make a purchase! Sign the back of your card today; it's better to be "signed than sorry"

My bank card has my photo and a heat-sealed signature on the reverse. People often remark on it being a good idea.
Unfortunately, the photo is nearly as good as that on my passport, ie absolutely dire, and people still recognise me from it.

my credit card was about expire in end of April, but I had not recieved a new one so I called. I got lady on line saying it would send in week. that was ok. I forgot about it and I needed my credit in May, but I had not recieved it. I called it was send so I did not recieve so lady said it needed listed as stolen or lost. they blocked the card I got new too late take with me. wheb I got home 2 envollopes were waiting. no not both cards, but one with activate number and other with my new credit card. both letter urge me first activate by calling nmber and ativate and sign it, when I did call I was reminded to sign it too.

the moral of this long story sign you credit card

Thank heavens for "Chip and Pin". It is just about to be introduced into the UK and most of Europe... The intention is to do away with signatures, and replace them with a smart-card and card-readers which you have to type your pin number into to authorise a transaction.

For more info, see: http://www.chipandpin.co.uk/

and: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/3169741.stm

B.