h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You'll wish you hadn't got me started on this.

I think writing one's own pap is preferable (and more morally agreeable) than turning someone else's work into pap. Therefore, Dr E's equation number one:

Darius' "Colourblind" > Will Young's "Light My Fire"

But, an interesting cover version can be a very entertaining thing indeed. Dr E's equation number two:

Kevin Rowland's "The Long & Winding Road" > Will & Gareth's "The Long & Winding Road"

However, it takes a lot of effort (and a particularly twisted mind) to make a cover version better than the original (unless the original was a large pile of pigs' innards to begin with). Therefore, Dr E's equations numbers three and four:

The Beatles' "The Long & Winding Road" > Kevin Rowland's "The Long & Winding Road" > Will & Gareth's "The Long & Winding Road"

but:

The Fatima Mansions' "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" > Bryan Adams' "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You"

I think I'd better go and lie down in a darkened room now.

Now that you mention it, this has been bugging me for some time.

Is the title of 'The Pop Singer's Fear of the Pollen Count' a literary allusion to a book title? Something like 'The Infantryman's Fear of ... '?

I'm sure it rings a bell but I can't place it. (Ooh, 2 cliches in 1 sentence, perhaps I should be writing pop songs...)

Gif

"Pop Singers Fear Of The Pollen Count"

I like that song!!! I always had a niggle at the back of my mind too as to where they picked the title up.

Maybe I'll look it up elsewhere if I can wake my poor aching self up enough!

Anything by 'Romeo', he was supporting One Big Sunday in Leicester, and all his lyrics were so atrociously bad I have physically burnt them out of my brain.

[sorry if anyone like him :-|]

FwT

Also, as you may imagine, a fan of "The Pop Singer's Fear of the Pollen Count" but cant tell you if the stlye of the name was borrowed subliminally or...liminally from another source. i suspect it was intentional, as a more throughly or diversely read chap you'd be hard pushed to find,eg
"I've Been To a marvellous Party" cover (now that i've got us on the sujet (sorry!) of Noel Coward
"Lucy" is a collection of Wordsworth's verse 'A violet by a mossy stone' etc...
And various cultural references in "becoming more like alfie" and "the gin soaked boy"

anyway sorry!

Dancing in the disco bumper to bumper
Wait a minute, where's me jumper
Where's me jumper, where's me jumper
Where's me jumper, where's me jumper

It's alright to say things can only get better
But you haven't lost your brand new sweater
I know I had it on when I had my tea
And I think I had it on in the lavatory!

Obviously David & Victoria Beckham are big fans of this Romeo bloke, whoever the he is...

someone wondered in a newspaper if victoria and david were actually terribly cultured and had thrown aside the name Paris in favour of Romeo as Juliet threw aside (like a soiled glove, you might say) County paris for R in R&J. personally i think the good doctor V. is more likely on to something.

how about the incredibly dull repetition in dance music, daniel bedingfield et al. non top of the range lyrics might be excused by a particualry melodic tune (moby fans?) but the sheer blaringness of anything from an album with the words "ibiza" or "club" on the front sounds just like white noise.

i think some of blur's stuff is quite clever especially the older, like country house
"he's reading balzac knocking back prozac its a helping hand that makes you feel wonderfully bland
in touch with his own mortality
he doesnt drink smoke laugh
takes herbal baths int he country
watching optimum repeats and the food he eats...." &c.

This post has been removed.

I thought it was "afternoon repeats"

Shouting lager lager lager lager shouting lager lager lager lager shouting lager lager lager lager shouting lager lager lager shouting mega mega white thing mega mega white thing mega mega white thing mega mega shouting lager lager lager lager mega mega white thing mega mega white thing

though I must admit I like the song.

The bit in the remix of Toploader's "Dancing In The Moonlight" where some bloke repeatedly mutters "Here we go" in an voice totally devoid of any enthusiasm for wherever it is they may be going to.

Not really a bad lyric, it just really, really gets on my tits.

"So you're a rocket scientist,
That don't impress me much"

Well what on earth does then, Shania??

That's bugged me for a long time!

Has anyone else heard 'We all like to do things that are vastly inappropriate to a dog' by Blink 182?

"Dancing in the disco bumper to bumper
Wait a minute, where's me jumper
Where's me jumper, where's me jumper
Where's me jumper, where's me jumper"

Sultans of Ping FC!

Currently, the cream of my proposed 'Sack the Lyricist' compilation is 'Lonely', a slow ballad sung by poor Eddie Cochran, (on the B side of 'Sweetie Pie);

(doing his intense & echoey best with it);

(Chorus; lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely ooh-ooh,
lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely ooh-ooh)

Lonely is the man who walks alone,
Lonely is the man who has no home;
Lonely, lonely, lonely am I,
I'm so lonely, wish I could die.

I asked the Lord, up above
What is this thing mortals call love?
And why can't I have one of my own?
I'm so lonely, so all alone.

(middle eight)
Lonely is the sailor.... without (guess what?) the sea;
Lonely is a bird.... without (wait for it!) a tree.

I asked the Lord etc.....

Has nobody ever heard of Morrisey ? The man was a one person factory of bad, self pitying lyrics. There are so many.

"Some girls mothers are bigger then other girls mothers."

"Hang the DJ" Though I am in favour of the sentiment here.

No - I can't go on its bringing it all back.

Now this one isnt a "bad" lyric as such, it's just I can't make it out.

In Fat Boy Slim's "Right Here! Right Now!" there's a bit in the middle that sounds like it might be something sung backwards.

Forward it sounds like "we'll not be fighting Bugner here" (repeat over and over - you know FBS's style...)

Any suggestions?

Hey, it's my post that's been hidden!

I quoted 2 songs by Weezer, the chorus of The Sweater Song (since people were talking about jumpers) and the 2nd verse and chorus of My Name is Jonas. Apparently I was in violation of copyright, I guess that the quote must have been too long. You'll have to look them up.

Gee, my first 2 hidden posts within a week of each-other.

Gif

Talking of Shania Twain ... one of my all time favourite mishearings was from You Don't Impress me much ... the real lyrics are something like:

"You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in
I can't believe you kiss your car good night
C'mon baby tell me - you must be jokin', right!"

Line three when she says it sounds more like

"I can't believe you kiss your c**k at night ... "

Laugh? I nearly wet myself!

As for the worst lyric in the world ever, does anything even come close to:

"Sitting in a sleazy snack bar sucking sickly sausage rolls" by that doyen of lyrical genius, Paul Gascoigne?

On the subject of mishearings...Macy gray

"my world crumbles when you are not near"

I thought it said

"I wear goggles when you are not near"

I'm still not convinced but admittedly crumbling worlds make more sense than goggle wearing.